What sort of household income is needed to raise a child?

[Andyrourkerip]

I know it's not really an AIBU as such, but we're on a combined income of 43k which I know is quite low compared to what many couples earn. I am the main earner, I am a civil servant and have a good maternity leave package.
Partner doesn't think we earn enough between us yet. I do understand on one hand, however I'm 32.5 now and whilst I know it's still relatively young, I don't have forever. I am planning to apply for promotion in the next couple of months, obviously there's no guarantee but would be on an extra £200 a month which is something for sure.
I work typical 9-5 hours with hybrid and Flexi time , partner works evenings and weekends ATM.
I know babies themselves aren't that expensive, I buy majority of my own things second hand and would have no issue sourcing such things for a baby, it's just childcare costs and then when they get older for driving lessons etc (obviously that's a very long way off!)
In terms of childcare I think we could make it work with our current hours, we'd possibly need to pay for part time childcare but not full time.
Just be interested to know what people think in terms of income and if it's doable.

If you both want a child, or especially more than one, then I personally would start trying now. Your income isn't bad, and as you say you'll get a decent maternity package. Childcare (or loss of income) is the biggest expense by far. Have a look what options would be in your area, taking into account that the government will be giving everyone 30 free hours in the near future

The problem is your do doesnt want a child. And he has all the time in the world.

We have four children and earn about 30k between us.

We don't go on fancy holidays but we have everything we need and no one ever goes without if they need something.

We earn that and have 4 kids. There is no right time. We have loads of camping holidays and YHA breaks. The kids share bedrooms. We are a bit skint but I would say the kids have everything they want and are happy. There is no right time to have a child.

Why is your child at childcare if your partner only works evenings and weekends?

We were on around a combined income of £24k when we had our first and managed fine. I suspect you will never feel you have enough, and you are of an age not to hang around.

It's normal to have a sparse few years while you manage maternity leave and the childcare years.

Just read the threads on here, you can't save money when you have children, or nowhere near enough to save for a deposit and what is needed to buy a property.

It's simple: childcare has a cost, you can't squeeze children in a house share where you move to save money, you can't really buy a cheaper project - no furniture, no heating, no real bathroom is manageable when you both work, not so much with children.

The day-to-day, people manage, but children are an endless stream of money going out, and the older they are, the more they cost.

it's all about priorities, what are you comfortable with? If you rent but have to move, it's a nightmare if you try to stay in the same school catchment. It's not impossible, just a pain.

I was in a similar boat and had my first child at 33. We were in a rented house and we were probably on similar wages ( a bit lower but there has been since inflation). The biggest killer was childcare, I had similar with 6 months full pay I ended up with another 3 months furlough as I has no job to go back to. But we then had over 2 years of full fees at 1100 a month that nearly killed us. But we got through, his 30 hours have kicked in and it made life easier.

I know people who waited for everything to be right but I also know women who have now been unable to conceive.

Yes that might be the going rate but they will likely have minimum hours they will want from you. They have limits on how many babies/toddlers they can have so it wouldn’t be as worthwhile taking on a family where they are only looking for a couple hours a day vs a full day. With childminders you also have to factor in bank holidays and their own holidays (some will want paying during their holidays!). Are you planning to try and work with a baby toddler at home? If so, please don’t!

We were on so much less than that when we had our first. And I then gave up work to be a SAHM. We were also renting.

We then saved and bought a house when DD was 3 and it was a complete doer upper with huge amounts of work needed. We did said work ourselves whilst having another baby.

You manage. Everything just shifts to accommodate.

The one thing I would say is that you might find it harder to get a mortgage for the amount you want once you’ve got dependants and childcare costs so if you can somehow get on the ladder before that, that would help.

£43k seems low for 2 full time workers, is that after tax or before? Not much more than minimum wage really, is your partner only part time?

Our household income is around £50k. I'm aware we're much lower earners than many other parents around us but we chose for me to work 3 days while the kids are small. Things are fine. We're not flush at all but get by alright. Have never taken the kids abroad (partly due to covid) but have nice UK based holidays with family and usually a takeaway and at least one coffee/babychino trip a week. Our mortgage is £550. A house in our street went up for rent recently for £1350. If we had to rent things would not be fine at all.

I'm raising 2 DC on 31K and managing but they are a toddler and a baby so not expensive yet and I them to all free or very cheap groups and activities

We are in a very very similar financially position. We have two little ones. We have a nice lifestyle in our opinion. We can't afford holidays abroad, we don't have much in savings (but we are young, we've just become homeowners which mostly wiped out the savings, and we are still saving, so that's something!). We can't buy expensive clothes but we aren't arsed about that at all and we can't drop money on impromptu stuff all the time like the wealthier families around us do, e.g. trips out we take a packed lunch, we don't buy our kids toys in every shop we go to and so on. But again we don't mind any of that. DH and I both had humble upbringings ourselves so our own kids lifestyle is pretty similar really so feels normal and comfortable for us. We are now ttc no.3 which will stretch things a bit more but will still be doable.

I earn just under 50k and my husband is freelance. I pay all the bills, shopping etc, he pays for the kids’ clubs and holidays. It works for us but his job also allows him to be our main childcare for our youngest so that’s a big saving. We also have a small mortgage (less than 500 a month).

There's no perfect income. It's the outgoings vs incomethat matters. Childcare and housing. Someone mortgage free with granny on call 5 days a week would need much less than someone private renting needing out of hours childcare for example.You just have to do the sums.

Your big cost will be lack of earning on mat leave and childcare. As you've said, most things can be bought second hand.

I think you need to chat to your DP a bit more and understand why he doesn’t think this is enough income. As he works evenings and weekends and you work for the civil service with flexi, you won’t need much childcare. If any. That obviously only works if your DP is prepared to Do the work of taking care of your child.

If it’s that you might not be able to afford to buy after having children. I think that is a valid concern. Even with no childcare costs as they get older you might have costs such as activities and entertaining them (there’s only so many times you can go to the park and the library). It is harder to save when they are here. I would be concerned that he would be using this as an excuse to delay children though. If he really believes you should have a house before having kids (or even a certain income), then you already have a plan for increasing your income. He needs the same and if his plan takes him away from working evenings and weekends, then his increase in salary needs to cover the cost of childcare. If he isn’t prepared to work towards increasing his income to get to the point he want, he might be stringing you along.

Have a conversation and see if he agrees. However, never try to push this on too much if he is not comfortable. This could bring issues if the money is not enough after all.

The baby bit is easy financially, people gift you things and they actually have few needs but when they get older they will grow out of shoes within weeks of you buying them, you've got birthday and xmas to plan in, and maybe a holiday? They need a new winter coat almost every year, school uniform. You can make them live without an ipad/laptop etc, but will they have the right skills for their future if not? Childcare costs are a killer, your earning capacity automatically takes an invisible cut because you'll never be as flexible as childless colleagues. They want to do a sport - kit, fuel, time off work to indulge that.... Not saying dont do it, but go in with your eyes wide open!

You will manage. I had children very young before I really thought about money etc but it always worked through. However I did forfeit having a proper career because I never got to uni or worked up the ladder until more recent years. I was only 21 though when I first got pregnant.

I put together this graph last year, so slightly out of date, but once you have one child, your £43k income, after tax and benefits, is equivalent to someone on £53k, and if you have two children it goes to to an equivalent of £65k. This is for a family renting with no disabilities. The benefits system is very generous and you'll be alright.

Just never let them in smiggle

Our combined pre-tax income is 35 k, we don't claim any benefits and it's been doable for us although we live very frugally, everything secondhand, old car, holiday every few years. Both work part time but we have no family help. Renting in the North. Had savings to help with maternity leave although only took 6 months off. Nursery is the biggest cost from whenever you return to work until whenever the free hours kick in now (although it isn't necessarily free, it may still cost 100s per month as nurseries charge extras). Plus you may still need wraparound care once they are at school. 3 days in nursery a week works out more than our rent. Lost earnings is a big one too, previously I worked ft but I just don't want to do that with young children. I am lucky that I have that choice. Obviously pension takes a hit. Many of my friends have chosen to work ft and have a more luxurious lifestyle. Many professional jobs don't allow less than 4 days anyway.

Buying the actual baby stuff is not a concern, you get can more or less everything free or very cheap. I expect it will get worse once they are older and wanting particular brands etc.

Make sure your relationship is strong. If your partner is making excuses about having children does he actually want them? That would be my main concern.

If you currently earn 42 k and have no savings (implied if you would be eligible for benefits) it sounds like you have a fairly extravagant lifestyle and would need to cut back quite a bit. That may cause resentment if partner isn't that keen anyway

@TreadLight i love that you made this graph. You are my people.
OP, I’m confused mainly about your partners wage. If you’re in the civil service you must be on at least 25k? So what does he earn? How many hours per week is he working? Is he in a “low skilled” role and if so what are his plans for training or further study etc to increase his earning potential?

I agree with pp it sounds like perhaps he’s not ready and is using money as an excuse. If he has a solid career with progression options then you should be fine.