Should kids have a birthday party each year?

[Todaysproblem]

I come from a completely different culture, so I don’t have a strong sense of what’s normal or not.

I only ever had one birthday party when I turned 7 and my parents didn’t provide a birthday cake, rather a few small shop bought cakes were served to the kids in our block of flats who came to our house. I never had a party since that one, no milestone birthday was ever acknowledged.

We celebrated every single birthday for our kids, first few birthdays were with friends and husband’s family (he’s got a similar background, never had a birthday party or cake until I started making a proper fuss to make up for it). As they grew older we invited all the classmates, except for the Covid years, when we couldn’t invite kids but I still went to town with decorations, elaborate cakes and surprises.

It’s been almost a decade and I find it all too exhausting, every year the expectations are higher and last year we ended up spending a fortune on caterers, entertainers and party decorators. My daughter is now turning 9 and I wanted us to do a few fun things during the day as a family, then dress up and go to a nice restaurant for dinner. Initially she seemed on board with this, but now she keeps saying she’s worried the birthday won’t be celebrated ‘properly’ and that her friends keep asking her to make sure they’re getting an invite to her upcoming party. I don’t want her to feel embarrassed or that the day will pass without a proper ‘bang’, but I really, really want a break from the enormous stress. I proposed that going forward we do the parties every other year, but she went all quiet and gloomy.

Is my idea of celebrating a quieter birthday outrageous? Am I going to regret not making a proper effort? All the kids in her class seem to have a party every single year, it’s always the whole class getting invited so most weekends there’s a kids birthday party taking place. Where do parents find the energy??

I have always done a party every year until about the age of 11. They have varied in size but normally approx 10-15 kids when younger and then 5-10 in the later years of juniors depending on what sort of party it is. I have never done a sleepover for more than 3 other kids as I just can't cope with any more than that in the house overnight.

I have never used caterers or party decorators though.

I have a DS6

So far not done a party yet. I find the whole class parties ridiculously expense and over the top imo. This year he's chosen to have a family day out at a nearby kids attraction instead of friends over, but I'm sure next year will be inviting his closest friends over. But it might not be, its his choice. His best friend also doesn't do parties (yet).

Are you seriously saying you can't find the energy for a kids party once a year? Unless you have serious health issues that seems very unlikely. None is us will particularly enjoy throwing a kids party but we do it because it makes our children happy. It's one day. Getting dressed up and going to a nice restaurant with their parents is not a fun birthday celebration for a 9 year old!

Dd is 13 and has had a party of some sort every year. Tended to be full class in the first couple of years of school then got less and less as friendships developed. I think at 9 she had one of those inflatable disco domes in the garden and about 10 kids over. As she's got older it's been fewer friends and things like garden teepee sleepovers. I imagine now she's a teen she'll just want money to go off and do stuff with her mates for future birthdays until I get fleeced again for her 18th 😂