Hi all,
There's this woman my partner of two years works with, who he befriended at a work conference earlier this year.
Upon first meeting her, other colleagues and even his boss warned him to keep her at arms length, as she's been known to cause a bit of drama and trouble (apparently, she's the type to hook up with/have a fling with fellow male colleagues in order to further progress her career, and has even lied and said some of them have assaulted her after her advances had been rejected) anyway, according to my partner, she had been a bit too "friendly" with him in the past and I've also advised him to watch her closely because of this, and that if she tries anything, his best bet would be to cease contact with her- he's had to keep his distance at points, but recently, they attended the same conference together where he had to comfort and console her because she had just found out that the guy she was currently having a fling with, is in fact engaged. Of course, if she really didn't know he was already involved, then I feel bad for her, but have a sneaking suspicion she knew this already and was hoping he'd leave his fiancee for her or something, just from what I've heard about her, and recent events involving my partner, which I will explain below.
Apparently, she and her friends even questioned my partner on how he could be so committed to me and how he hasn't thought about cheating on me/hasn't cheated on me already (this alone was enough to shock me and make me feel disrespected, because why on Earth do they think they have the right to question my partner and our relationship in the first place?) Then he also disclosed to me, that a few days ago, she asked him to go with her to her brother's wedding, which would've been today, and is quite a way away from where my partner lives. He obviously said no, because even he thought it was a weird request and crossing a boundary or like she wanted to see if she could conquer him and get him in bed (his words) and I'm thankful he did that, but then I told him that he now needed to cut this woman off, unless it was for work, as it looks like she is trying to push the boundaries of their friendship and overstep with little regard, which is very disrespectful to me and our relationship, and I don't want him to potentially end up being another one of her male victims who loses his career by her lies.
At first, he couldn't see my point, and didn't want to purge her socially because he believes she is his "friend" (I say "friend" because someone who really is your friend wouldn't act the way she has, in my opinion) which upset me, despite me already outlining that this whole situation has made me uncomfortable, including her comments on his fidelity, the fact we'd spoken about this before and that if it came to it, he'd need to cut his losses, and that I'd feel completely disrespected if he were to continue on this path and allowing her the chance to try something a little shady again, even if he continues to shut her down (forgot to mention, I'm also 35 weeks pregnant with our little one, and this woman knows this) and that I also don't want her trying it on with him, and then trying to ruin his career for rejecting her.
He eventually understood and agreed to remove her off of all social media platforms and just to keep a professional relationship with her, but I could sense a tiny bit of begrudging. My question is, am I being unreasonable for telling him he can't continue to be socially involved with her, based on my reasonings/her behaviour, as his reaction wasn't what I was expecting at first, and would you be worried or feel the same if it were your partners response in the same or similar situation, or if you'd feel the same as me if someone had acted this way with your partner?
I guess I also needed to get this off my chest as I have never experienced something like this before, and am usually a confident woman, but right now I'm at my most vulnerable, quite hormonal, and I just feel so dirty, upset and disrespected by these events from her actions and his response, not only on my behalf, but also the behalf of our unborn baby - add the fact that if I hadn't raised a somewhat related issue, it's likely he would never have told me about this, unless maybe something similar happened again?
Now I'm not only fuming with her, but also questioning my partner a little bit? Not in a "is he cheating kinda way?" because I don't believe he is, but more of a "what are his true intentions/motivations kinda way?" as he has also disclosed to me in the past that he finds it quite flattering and ego boosting if women flirt with him, even though he says he'll happily turn them down and let them know he's not available. I'm starting to wonder a little if he's just really friendly and naive, or if there's potentially a little something more there, if you know what I mean?
I'm so very sorry this is very long winded, and if this seems a bit over the place, or I seem crazy, it's late, and on top of being tired and heavily pregnant, I'm also unwell, so am a bit all over the place and struggling to understand what's rational and what's not at the moment 😅 I also have trouble articulating sometimes. If you managed to make it to the end, thank you so much.