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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being over sensitive ?

32 replies

SunsetsInVenice · 06/10/2023 18:50

We have 2 girls. Both are the mirror image of me and personalities too are mine completely.
DH said yesterday that he feels really sad that the girls look nothing like him and that there are literally no similarities. I said he was being silly as most daughters look more like their mums but he got a bit off with me. Aibu to expect that girls tend to take after their mums more ?

OP posts:
Testina · 06/10/2023 18:52

That’s a shit response to call him silly.

LockdownLisa · 06/10/2023 18:53

Good grief, why on earth would he want his daughters to look like him??! My son is the image of his dad and my daughter looks nothing like either of us. Really couldn't care less. How old are they? Does he feel a bit pushed out?

pippinsleftleg · 06/10/2023 18:53

No! I’ve got two and one kind of looks like me and the other is the spitting image of DH.

tulippa · 06/10/2023 18:53

My DD looks nothing like me. She doesn't really look like DH either.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/10/2023 18:53

It's a real mix in my opinion, nothing you can do about how children look though so he is BU having an attitude with you.
How old are they? If they're not little then did he spend much of their baby and toddler years with them or has he left it to you and now seeing what he has sewn?

DixonD · 06/10/2023 18:53

Yes, you are.

I know lots of girls that look like their dad, and share similar personalities.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/10/2023 18:55

Honestly, how would you feel if all your dc looked like and acted like your dh rather than you? Even if you think you'd be fine, he isn't, and it's mean to ridicule him over how he feels.

I don't believe (unless he's been a really uninvolved parent) there isn't something they have in common. A shared love of something, maybe?

Chocolatepiggy · 06/10/2023 18:55

My daughter is the image of my husbands side of the family.
Bit daft to call him silly over how he feels.
Acknowledge how he feels and maybe then he can put it to bed

uhOhOP · 06/10/2023 18:55

LockdownLisa · 06/10/2023 18:53

Good grief, why on earth would he want his daughters to look like him??! My son is the image of his dad and my daughter looks nothing like either of us. Really couldn't care less. How old are they? Does he feel a bit pushed out?

Why would a parent want their kid to bear a resemblance to them? Hmm, yes, I simply can't imagine why.

DisquietintheRanks · 06/10/2023 18:56

You sound a bit self obsessed tbh. You know they're people in their own right yeah? Not little SunsetinVenice clones?

Original poster
SunsetsInVenice · 06/10/2023 18:57

It's silly because there's nothing that can be done about it!
They are 10 and 8 and really are the absolute spitting image of me with my personality and likes. But it's how it goes at times, it's genetics. Nothing that I can control !

OP posts:
Testina · 06/10/2023 19:00

”It's silly because there's nothing that can be done about it!”

Do you have the emotional intelligence of a gnat? He feels a bit left out. So you can call him silly, or you can acknowledge his feels and say yeah, you can see why that makes him feel a little bit of an outsider within his own family. Don’t you care about him?

Stompythedinosaur · 06/10/2023 19:01

Well, I think you should wait and see how the teen years turn out for your mini mes. You might not feel the same when they are older.

And why is it silly to be upset about something you can't change? Does that apply to other things? Bereavement? Failed exams? Serious illness? You can't change those things either, but most people would be upset.

uhOhOP · 06/10/2023 19:02

SunsetsInVenice · 06/10/2023 18:57

It's silly because there's nothing that can be done about it!
They are 10 and 8 and really are the absolute spitting image of me with my personality and likes. But it's how it goes at times, it's genetics. Nothing that I can control !

So they look like you more than their other parent and they have personalities and likes the same as yours? If their daddy seems sad about it can you not try to foster some (more?) interests (is that what you mean by "likes"?) between him and the children? At least that's something that can be done.

Caledoniablue · 06/10/2023 19:22

”It's silly because there's nothing that can be done about it!”

That's true. But it's not silly that he feels upset about it.

Our ds is the mirror image of me, looks and personality. My OH is portuguese and is olive skinned with dark hair and eyes, ds inherited my Scottish genes of pale skin and hair and blue eyes and I know that it upsets OH often, especially due to other people making comments about how ds is nothing like his dad. If the tables were turned those comments would upset me too despite the fact that nothing can be done about it.

I think you need to be a bit more understanding!

TicTacNicNak · 06/10/2023 19:31

My eldest DD takes after my side of the family and the younger one is the image of her dad.

Yes, it is genetics, which you can do nothing about, but it was insensitive to ridicule his feelings. You could have shown more empathy.

KrisAkabusi · 06/10/2023 19:35

It's a real mix in my opinion, nothing you can do about how children look though so he is BU having an attitude with you.

Please point out where he has an attitude with the OP. He said he feels sad. Then the OP insulted him. So why is he the bad guy here?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 06/10/2023 19:36

We have a dd and a ds. I expected dd to be like me and ds to be like dh, but it's mostly the other way around. Dd doesn't look much like either of us tbh, but is much more like dh than me in terms of personality (although more like me in academic strengths). Ds is much more like me in looks and personality, and like neither of us in academic preferences.

AffIt · 06/10/2023 19:38

My sister looks exactly like my mother and I am the living image of my father: we joke that they got one of each.

The only way you could tell that my sister and I are related would be to stand us next to pictures of our parents, we look nothing alike as siblings.

Genes are funny things.

Mix56 · 06/10/2023 19:44

I look a bit like both my parents, but the best bit us that I'm much mire like my Dad, was closer to my Dad, admired my Dad, loved him & the pain when he died nearly broke me.
Surely its their connection that counts?

KookyAndSpooky · 06/10/2023 19:44

I'm all for honesty but damn OP, that was harsh.

I would apologise and perhaps try to make light of the situation by saying that if any grandchildren are born in the future then they might just take after him! Genes often skip a generation afterall. Another option is to say that you hope that your daughters are equally as lucky in love as you too, and that they are very fortunate to have such a great dad (if he is).

NoIcePlease · 06/10/2023 19:47

He told you he felt really sad about something and you told him he was silly.

You were unkind, yabu.

Women on mn have been told to LTB for less dismissive and uncaring replies than this.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/10/2023 19:49

How are your DCs likes down to genetics 🤔 I think you were pretty harsh calling him silly when he's been honest about how he feels. It's as if you think his feelings don't matter. Yes there's not much you can do about their looks but surely you can think of some things he could do with them to help build a bond through hobbies etc

Karatema · 06/10/2023 19:57

I looked like my DD up until I was about 15 and then, gradually, I turned into my DM.
Our oldest DS is a bit of both of us although when he was a lot younger everyone said he was my DH. My younger is exactly like my DB and that's not changed. He has my DGF's nose. Genetics are wonderfully weird.

Twonewcats · 26/10/2023 00:22

SunsetsInVenice · 06/10/2023 18:57

It's silly because there's nothing that can be done about it!
They are 10 and 8 and really are the absolute spitting image of me with my personality and likes. But it's how it goes at times, it's genetics. Nothing that I can control !

Bloody hell! If you feel sad about something, does your husband sympathise by shrugging, saying it's silly and that there's nothing that can be done? 😳