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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to admit defeat and be signed off sick and made to live on UC at 39 years old 😢

138 replies

SoUnwell · 06/10/2023 14:30

I have been unwell now for 3 years and lost 4 jobs because of it.
I have gone from job to job in hope I’ll suddenly get better and be able to work as I feel so young to just accept I am unable to.
I have long covid and fibromyalgia ( brought on my long covid ) as well as a b12 deficiency I’ll need monthly injections for life on as my body no longer absorbs anything

I have really tried
I am 2 weeks into another job and can feel all my symptoms coming back
The constant pain and exhaustion is too much to bear

I think the time has come accept defeat and just follow the GPs advice which is to not work tor the time being

How do I go about all of this?

Im already on a small amount of UC as my wages are so low so will they top me up a little until I apply for PIP?
So confused and very worried as have 3 young children

OP posts:
SquirrelFeeder · 06/10/2023 20:53

Also 39. Also too disabled to work. Had no idea there was so much shame to be 39 & disabled 😳
Thanks for that

Babyroobs · 06/10/2023 20:59

SquirrelFeeder · 06/10/2023 20:53

Also 39. Also too disabled to work. Had no idea there was so much shame to be 39 & disabled 😳
Thanks for that

Only on mumsnet !

Original poster
SoUnwell · 06/10/2023 21:01

I’ve had the loading doses of b12 and they changed nothing
I’m on monthly as my body can’t absorb now
I am worried UC won’t top me up enough to live whilst deciding if I qualify 😢

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 06/10/2023 21:12

SoUnwell · 06/10/2023 21:01

I’ve had the loading doses of b12 and they changed nothing
I’m on monthly as my body can’t absorb now
I am worried UC won’t top me up enough to live whilst deciding if I qualify 😢

How long have you been in your current job - are you eligible for SSP ? If you gave up work now then you would just have the total of your Uc elements that you currently have now but before any deductions for earnings. then if you were awarded LCWRA you would have that element too.
If you are eligible to be paid SSP then it is in your best interests to claim that as you will be better off on UC.
If you just give up your job then unfortunately UC can still ask you to look for work until you've been assessed. Hopefully if you have a good work coach then they wouldn't expect too much. How old are your kids - do they ask you to look for more hours now?

vipersnest1 · 06/10/2023 21:13

@SoUnwell, if you have a definitive diagnosis of fibromyalgia, declare yourself disabled to your work. They will then be obligated to put reasonable adjustments in place. (Anyone can do this if they have a condition affecting them for six months or more.)
Secondly, go back to your GP and tell them you need help. If they won't, ask for a second opinion. (I have fibromyalgia, and take a daily cocktail of nerve painkillers, muscle relaxants plus an antidepressant - they allow me to be somewhere near normal and to work.) I can give you more info if you want it.
Thirdly, read up on the 'spoon theory'. It will help you to devote your time and energy to do things without putting yourself at risk of 'boon and bust'.
As someone who has fibromyalgia, my advice to you is what I was told by a counsellor - take notice of your pain and energy meters. If either of them fall below 50%, it's time to stop.
Good luck. Flowers

vipersnest1 · 06/10/2023 21:18

Oh, and I forgot to say....
I ended up in such a deep flare that I had over eight months off from work. It was a lonely and miserable time, and OH were constantly on my back. But, as I felt better, due to my medication, it made me feel more able to move more and do more.
I found my local wellbeing service really helpful. They supported me with my mental health, helped me to think about what I could do if I didn't return to my current job, and helped me to find ways to cope with the pain and fatigue.

Original poster
SoUnwell · 06/10/2023 22:00

I’ve only been in this job 5 weeks and off the last week 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
SoUnwell · 06/10/2023 22:04

But if I have a sick note until I’m assessed would this make a difference? Thank you

OP posts:
Userxxxxx · 06/10/2023 22:34

I don’t know. I applied for PIP when out of hospital 7 months ago when on a fit note.

To date I’m really shocked (or perhaps shouldn’t be) to have heard nothing besides the email in March that confirmed I completed the online application.

Babyroobs · 06/10/2023 22:36

Userxxxxx · 06/10/2023 22:34

I don’t know. I applied for PIP when out of hospital 7 months ago when on a fit note.

To date I’m really shocked (or perhaps shouldn’t be) to have heard nothing besides the email in March that confirmed I completed the online application.

I would chase this up. Have you had an assessment?

PinkRiceKrispies · 06/10/2023 22:40

I wouldn't ask on here OP. Citizens advice bureau is your best bet x

Stomacharmeleon · 06/10/2023 23:16

Do you work in a school if it's term time only? Are you in probation? You need do work aware of you haven't already that you are disabled and struggling they can help

I would apply for pip now and get the ball rolling. It can take months I do applications at the food bank for those who struggle to read and write. They are taking six months plus to get a conclusion

I wouldn't pack in my job I had a couple of years offs when having treatment for cancer and it really affected my mental health. They also do not make it easy to claim things!

Stomacharmeleon · 06/10/2023 23:16

That should have said 'on' probation as you said you had only been in the job a while

Original poster
SoUnwell · 07/10/2023 07:48

Yes I work in a school office and am o probation

I left the last 2 workplaces because I kept getting more and more unwell so reduced the hours right down but it’s made no difference

OP posts:
Wildhorses2244 · 07/10/2023 08:14

I wonder whether taking a step back and looking at your whole life and not just work would be helpful.

If your children are young then single parenting them will be a huge part of your tiredness. You say that you do 50/50 with their dad.

Is there a way that you can rearrange children/work so that you don’t have the kids and work on the same days? Purely as an example, working 9-5 two days a week from home (complete rest in evening) followed by one day of housework and chill (no kids, no work), followed by 3 days of kids (no work, rest in school hours) followed by one day of housework and chill (no kids, no work) before starting back to the working days.

HelpNeededBeforeIHaveABreakdown · 07/10/2023 09:24

Is the B12 deficiency due to pernicious anaemia? I am wondering if you have other autoimmune illness such as Coeliac that might explain the inability to absorb B12. Underactive Thyroid disease can also be autoimmune and could explain these levels of tiredness.

Original poster
SoUnwell · 07/10/2023 09:42

We already have that arrangement that I don’t have the children on work days and the walk to work is 4 minutes.

It couldn’t be any closer / less intense 😢

I have had tests done for everything - pernicious anaemia is the reason i am now on lifelong B12 injections.
No reason for that starting suddenly at this age apart from it possibly being linked to long covid they said.

Its all such a mess.

OP posts:
Cattyfattytummy · 07/10/2023 10:19

You poor thing! You really don't need ideas on how to manage work. You need proper support so you can manage your life and if this means you need financial assistance then that is what must happen, along with decent medical help. It saddens me that people are expected to work at the exclusion of all else. As a civilised society we should be looking after our weaker members.
@SoUnwell you have some good links to look at upthread. Talk to citizens advice and talk to a more sympathetic doctor. You should not have to run yourself into the ground to prove that you are not physically capable of work at the moment. Some of the comments on the thread are abhorrent, but you've also had a lot of sound advice ♥

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/10/2023 10:29

How old or your children and do you rent or own your home?

I ask as if they are young you will be asked how do you manage to care for them/transport them to school if you're a single parent but at the same time say you are unable to work. It happened to a friend of mine with fibro and B12. She was ultimately put in the group that is required to work following her assessment.

Also please be aware there is no help for those with mortgages. It's a loan which only pays interest and it takes about 9 months before you are even eligible. She had to move in the end.

Stomacharmeleon · 07/10/2023 10:38

@Cattyfattytummy I agree but things are not that straightforward. She needs to play the game... take sick leave or run her contract down (so they don't renew it) and then apply for limited capability. Put in a PIP application at the same time. Building evidence as she goes.

The problem is it's not a done deal and if her doctor is not cooperative also that will make it harder.

Original poster
SoUnwell · 07/10/2023 10:59

The children are 5,7 and 11
The 5/7 year olds attend the school behind our house, a 2 minute walk if that and the 11 year old walks to secondary school

Their dad usually takes them to school regardless of whether I’m working or not as he doesn’t start work until 10 and I collect them

Surely they can’t say because I can manage a 2 minute walk once a day to collect my children that I am well enough to work?

I have only been in this job since mid September so qi don’t know what I’m meant to do - I was planning to just hand my notice in explaining I’m too unwell to work a notice period and then apply for the limited capability on my UC portal backed up by the sick note but now it seems that’s not the way to do it?

I have the PIP form but I’ll need to see my usual doctor to ask for evidence to back that up so I won’t be able to send that off until then

OP posts:
bonbon2023 · 07/10/2023 11:15

I'm the same age as you op and I've been off work since 2021. I had a breakdown in nov 21 and it all just fell apart from there really. Diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ptsd, bpd. I claim uc, and get the lcwra element, also get pip. If your in social housing speak to your housing and they will have a benefits team that can help you with it all. Good luck 🤞🏼

Original poster
SoUnwell · 07/10/2023 12:13

Were you working at the time?
Im not sure how to now stop working to get all of this in place 😢
If I just hand my notice in I’ll be sanctioned I guess?

OP posts:
Cattyfattytummy · 07/10/2023 12:21

Stomacharmeleon · 07/10/2023 10:38

@Cattyfattytummy I agree but things are not that straightforward. She needs to play the game... take sick leave or run her contract down (so they don't renew it) and then apply for limited capability. Put in a PIP application at the same time. Building evidence as she goes.

The problem is it's not a done deal and if her doctor is not cooperative also that will make it harder.

Ah mate, yours wasn't one of the posts i considered abhorrent! You speak wisdom 💐

Original poster
SoUnwell · 07/10/2023 12:25

I can barely move today

OP posts: