AIBU for telling my "friend" that my husband isn't her concern?

[Empressofall]

100% believe I'm in the right here but you never know.
Context: My husband and I both work full time. Both have stressful jobs.
He has long shifts (10+ hours) but his days off can fall during the week when our child goes to daycare so he has actual time off to do as he pleases (it's just how his shifts work. No shade that our kid isnt at home with him. We still send him so we can keep his place and its fun for him) and I do not. I often bring work home and either work into the night or grab some time during baby's nap time. My "days off" are weekends where I'm 100% in charge of the house and our baby if my husband is working.
My husband is as hands on as he can be in the time that he has.
On to the issue: last night, he came home at around 7.30pm (late for him) and I'd already done grocery shop, laundry, bathtime, bedtime, cleaned the lounge etc. I was pretty tired.
I made dinner. I made breaded chicken (from frozen, like a Birds Eye packet), roasted garlic potatoes and salad. Not really a chore. But somewhat nutritious.
Husband was super grateful and ate it all up.
He then did the dishes.
I was chatting to my friend (let's call her A) about our day and she was appalled that I'd made my husband a "low effort and low quality dinner" and that "making him do the dishes after a long day at work was bitchy and unhelpful". Like... excuse me?! I also worked yesterday. And did 100% of the childcare/housework. I was exhausted. I didn't even ask him to do the dishes. He did them himself because he's an adult who knows how and when to wash dishes.
I told her this.
She told me not to be surprised when he finds someone willing to put more effort into the relationship. More context: A was involved with a married man who left his wife for her, citing that his wife didn't make enough effort. She's paranoid AF that he'll leave if she isn't 100% perfect. Their house is like a fucking show home and every meal is organic from scratch blah blah blah.
I got angry and told her that my husband isn't her concern, that if he leaves me because of a dinner then he's not much of a man. She then said ahe was only telling me "for your own good". I lost my sh1t and told her to f**k off.
Husband says I'm in the right. Another friend agrees with A that I should have put more effort into the meal and offered to do the dishes because husband worked a longer day than I did.
But the way I see it, we both worked so why is his job and work day more important than mine?

If anyone's wondering, I started work at 7am, finished at 3.30pm, did the grocery shop at 4.30pm (after commuting an hour), bathed baby at 6.40pm, put him to bed by 7.20pm and had 10mins to myself before husband came home. I started dinner as soon as he walked in.

Husband started work at 9.30am and got in at 7.30pm meaning he finished at 7pm.

Was I wrong to tell her this? Am I just lazy?
Edit: my husband never EVER expects me or even asks me to cook for him. We have VERY different tastes in food so we often just cook for ourselves because it's easier!

I just can't envisage a 'friend' using the words "low effort and low quality dinner".
What a bizarre conversation!

I'd ask who'd rattled her cage and then ignore.

She's an idiot. He left his first wife because he had wandering eyes and no will power. If he truly left her for not making him dinner properly then your friend has bagged herself a lazy cheater and made herself prone to his character flaws and will blame herself when he trades her in.
If both partners work then it's 50% chores, although it never is. You are most definitely the woman with the better deal here.

Firstly your relationship is nothing to do with anyone else - your husband sounds happy, you sound happy with the arrangement - don't discuss it with anyone else 🤷‍♀️

Secondly that isn't a friend. She sounds very jealous of the relationship you have.

Seriously, end the friendship - she'll come between you and your husband.

Of all the things that didn't happen... this didn't happen the most.

Husbands go elsewhere if they are cheats. That's all there is to it.
Sadly for her, she knows she's with a cheat.
It doesn't matter what she does or how perfect she is, her cheater may still cheat.

Your dinner was nice and would have been appreciated by most normal people.

Next she will be saying you need to sleep with him WHENEVER he asks so his eyes don't wander. Tell her to do one and block her. You don't need those kind of people in your life

Your friend sounds resentful that she feels the need to hold herself to a particular standard and lives in fear of her DP abandoning her while you enjoy an equal relationship with your DH.

You and your husband sound like a good team and she's insecure and jealous maybe?

you friend sounds like a stepford wife, living as people did two generations ago .when women’s work was if anything a pin money

Two generations ago was 1973, when there were plenty of women working full time and not for 'pin money' either. Unless you meant 1873?

Sounds like your friends are Stepford Wives. Ignore anything they say.

OP
Not read the whole thread but I have read your first post.
I know for an absolute fact that married men cheat on / leave women every day for all sorts of reasons. But the old chestnut of "you didn't dust the mantlepiece enough, Shirley next door is far more houseproud than you and she cooks me steak every night and you only ever made me a burger"

is utter and total bullshite (even if it is the married man saying it).

As often as men go for someone more houseproud when they cheat they will also go for someone far less domesticated and even slovenly because just because that is who they fancied at the time. They wanted to have sex with her, that is the nearest "reason" they can lay their hands on.

Your "friend" needs to go in the bin. You know she is a cheater and a liar. That kind of character/personality usually shows up in all areas of life (i.e. female friendships)

The philosophy of "if you don't keep him well he will cheat on you is exactly the mantra of women who try to have affairs with married men"

Is your husband saying this to you? No? Well then.

Your friend who’s current dh is someone who says his ex wife made no effort so she feels she has to keep the house pristine.

She does realise he isn’t with her because she has clean carpets, he is only with her till he meets someone who he can complain to that he feels uncomfortable in his own home because his wife is obsessed with cleaning.
His next wife will be someone who serves him warmed up Maccy Dees and has a completely chaotic house who doesn’t much care with what he wants or doesn’t want because if he complained about food or cleaning, her response would be, If he wants a clean house and a home cooked meal then he knows where the Hoover and the kitchen are.

He will stay with her because he knows she doesn’t care what he thinks and can see right thru his BS.

Your friend sounds very young and naive

I presume she doesn’t have children yet

Poor woman sounds so paranoid her dh will leave her and is projecting it on to you. She thinks if she's a domestic goddess it'll make him stay. It won't.

YANBU, get some better friends.

It’s an absurd conclusion for her to draw, but she’s obviously saying that as she’s made a rod for her own back by getting with a cheat. And she’s now attempting to pass her paranoia onto you and is probably secretly jealous you’re secure and she’s not.

And the fact they’re still adamant about this when your husband has made clear he’s happy with the way things is even more ridiculous. They apparently know your partner better than you or your partner does.

Another thing, if someone’s husband leaves because of their wives “low effort” around the house she can further justify to herself that what her current partner did is normal and ok. So a part of her is probably wanting him to leave so she can say “told you so” and “that’s just what men do!” etc

Ditch this friend - sounds more like a frenemy!

What a total bitch.If anything hubby isn't doing his share as he has time off and you don't but he at least helps without being asked and you are clearly supportive of each other,that's what counts.
I'd be inclined to tell homewrecker that leopards don't change their spots.
Statistically 2nd marriages are more likely to end in divorce than 1st marriages ,if one of the parties was divorced because of their adultery.
Every time she hears the same excuse for working late/being unreachable that he used on wife no1,she'll worry if he's cheating. Console yourself with the fact her life is way more stressful than hers.
I know it's really mean ( but so is she) I'd say " it's OK I know it must be really difficult worrying about when he will leave you ,so I know you're just lashing out".

I agree with you but it's easier to ask them a question what they tend to cook/do and let them ramble on about it, than trying to convince them.

My oldest friend once said that I'm always asking questions but don't say as much about myself. She thinks I'm nice, for me it's the easy way out .

Another answer I read somewhere that I succesfully use is: "maybe you're right". People looooove to hear that because they feel acknowledged but with the "maybe" you're actually saying nothing.

This is all there is to say.

Get new friends. A and the other one are not good friends. I am so glad you told her to go away. Make it permanent.

I’d also have told her to F off! None of her business and she obviously has insecurities she’s projecting on to you re relationships. We often have the breaded frozen chicken, weekly I’d say, with rice and veg or potatoes etc as it’s a quick filling meal. Hopefully she’ll think trice before giving her unsolicited advice next time!

😂

My husband thinks he's won the lottery if he comes home to any food, even a bowl of cereal. Your 'friend' is projecting her insecurity onto you.

And this is why cloning could be a good thing........😉

I bet you do nice things for him too. Like a marriage should be.

It’s not the 1950s. Your ‘friend’ is being incredibly unfair on you. Heaven forbid a married couple have an equitable division of household labour when they both work full time. 🙄

Didn’t even read your full post you don’t have to explain to me your full day …….. I know …. 🤪

you guys sound like a great team we would do the same in our house re dinner, we had similar last night big Chucky fish cakes jacket potato and peas or we cook from scratch depends on how the day has gone. I actually had a little smile when I read your hubby had done the dishes I thought nice one 👍 mine would do the same.

I always think with household chores/ cooking ect they’d have to do it if they lived alone? Just because they’re married it doesn’t absolve them from doing the bare minimum to survive??!!

couldn’t see anything wrong in your day so was half wondering where you were going with it?? 🤣

she’s awful , love that you told her to F off really hope I’d of done the same. Sounds like people are a bit jealous??

With ‘friends’ like that you don’t need enemies.

Tell them to fuck off back to their Stepford/submissive-wife existences and leave you alone.

Your friends are wrong. I am retired and my DH works long hours. He is delighted to come home to breaded chicken and beans (a top fave of his) or pizza because being home is the main thing. He also always washes the dishes and he makes me a cup of tea. He actually feels bad leaving me on my own for long periods (he works away a fair bit) and he certainly doesn't expect a show home when he gets back. A cuddle from me and the dog, a fire on, something to eat (anything!) and a glass of red wine and he is a very happy man.