Whoever cooks must also clean?

[survivor9]

Hi how do you divide your chores

my husband said as it’s my idea to cook and I cook most nights that I should clean as “he didn’t ask me to cook”

is he being very inflexible ? He acts annoyed when I ask for help. I have spd hip pelvic pain from current pregnancy and low mood.
i also agreed months ago to visit his family in the Middle East in exchange for a baby but now I have the spd pain I don’t want to travel when I’m 7m preg as it’s Yorkshire - London- Istanbul -iraq about 12h travel time
he said I must go as I “promised” and he will be annoyed if I don’t.
if I tell my parents I’m pregnant they will likely agree that the trip is unnecessary as my husbands parents visited last winter but not his siblings have met the kids.

What a sad marriage.

I had to nag him to be pregnant and pressured him into it as he really didn’t want any more kids so I feel I’ve bullied him into it

if I don’t take this trip it will affect future holidays as he will make me pay for them all and said he will act cold towards me

What the actual fuck???

who does the chores in your house is really the least of your problems. I cannot believe what I have just read.

Oh Op, so many things wrong here. And you don’t even have supportive parents who also curtail your freedom. I promise you anyone watching a video where someone has knowingly filmed you only agreeing to have a baby of you go to Iraq is not going to be the one thinking he is right, but seeing how this is evidence of abuse.
surely you’re past the cut off for flying time now? And I’m guessing you’re not just going for a weekend to Iraq, are you coming back for the birth?

I know it’s cultural but you are allowed to travel in the U.K. by yourself without your dad as an adult.

Oh and the usual thing is whoever cooks the other person tidied up,

'Kin hell, washing up is the least of your worries lass....

It usually goes, whoever cooks doesn't clean.

Why are you worrying about future holidays, who will pay and how he will act when your chief concern here should be how you get yourself and your DC out of this abusive and controlling relationship. Relationships even, judging by what you have said about your parents.

If I cook my husband cleans and vice versa. I think you need professional advice and support for the other issues before you even think of going to Iraq.

So let me get this straight.

You agreed to a trip to visit his family in order for him to agree to have a baby with you - and you’re surprised that he won’t do the dishes? Dishes are the least of your worries. You need to get a good support network around you now before the baby comes, maybe a cleaner if you can afford it.

Now my husbands parents and my parents know about the pregnancy my parents don’t want to put me through the travel.
my husband is saying this was part of my plan all along - to leave it late and tell people so I can pull out of the trip.

I don’t know why my husbands thinking is so rigid yes I agreed to travel 6m ago but I’ve RECENTLY developed SPD .
then again sitting on plane isn’t stressful and his family in iraq will tend to our needs.
I’m not sure about the tap water in iraq they have a filter but I’d feel safer with bottled water.

I think you need a divorce.

Everything is messed up here.

Fuck me, just when you thought you'd read it all...

if You see his messages he thinks I’m the bad guy who wants to spoil the trip
I can’t see it from my own point of view I believe he’s right
i promised him I would go in October.

since telling my mother about the preg she’s been neurotic about the trip and she might have a go at his parents in iraq and tell them her daughters been forced to go on the trip

i don’t think I’m being physically forced but he would be upset if we didn’t go and would not go to Spain until the iraq promise is fulfilled

Sounds like you’ve gone from a controlling and possibly abusive family with your parents (your dad saying where you’re allowed to go!!!) straight into a relationship with an abusive husband. You need to escape all of them!

Am I not controlling as well…

in April he wanted to go to iraq I said not until I get a baby as in iraq

due to my autism I find it hard to work out who’s right :/

With kindness, I think you'd benefit from seeing a professional therapist immediately to help you understand what normal boundaries look like - you've had a lot of feedback here already but seem reluctant or unable to process that to a healthy (physically or mentally) acceptable outcome. Best of luck 💐

He doesn’t care about my mental health

now our parents have know about the pregnancy I find myself angry .
i told him he can’t tell his aunt and he said he’s going to ( to do the opposite of what I tell him) so I control him.
every woman in his family and my family has straight forward easy Ish labours . My 2 c sections make me feel angry and a failure.

I don’t like that my body produces a human which makes other people happy and pleased
I want it to only make me happy .

their body didn’t suffer so they shouldn’t enjoy my child.

i told him if he does tell anyone else then I’ll take 20mg diazepam and he said do what you want

I just want to find someone who cares enough about me

im disliking the baby cos of who the father is

Yes but if I make a mess and use 3 saucepans it’s not fair for him to clean ??