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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get DH a present just from our child?

43 replies

Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:15

Me and DH have one 3 year old and he also has two older children who are in their teens.

I've began Christmas shopping and recently bought a gift for DH. It's something he's said he's wanted before and I have had it engraved as to my Daddy from X (our 3 yo).

We never tend to get presents "from" the children so i dont intend on getting two other presents "from" the older children, I just saw this and thought it would be a sweet gift for him as he's mentioned one before and there was an option for engraving. I won't be asking 3yo to give it to him either on Christmas day it will just be in DHs pile with everything else.

A family member commented that the other children weren't on there, I didn't think it was a problem.

So WIBU to buy a personalised present from just our child?

OP posts:
Strawberryfieldsforeverrr · 05/10/2023 19:21

Yeah I think it's a bit tight. It's either from the kids or it's not.

VerticalSausages · 05/10/2023 19:23

I think it’s fine. Teens should be competent to organise their own gifts, maybe with a bit of prompting.

Notimeforaname · 05/10/2023 19:27

Not a problem at all. They're not your kids, their own mum can take care of that if she wants.

Notimeforaname · 05/10/2023 19:28

Or, as teens,they can sort it themselves.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/10/2023 19:33

I think potentially making two of his kids feel shitty on Christmas day is not a great plan. Even if you don't care how they feel, presumably your dh will.

Teens without adult support will clearly not be able to manage a gift like that, and I imagine comparing an engraved, sentimental item he really wants to whatever little thing they will be able to give will be sad for them.

I think you have to be a bit sensitive in blended families. Your dc is the kid in the strong position who lives with both their parents. Just try not to hurt the more vulnerable two dc.

SD1978 · 05/10/2023 19:34

How old are the teenagers? Do they usually get something for their dad?

ShellySarah · 05/10/2023 19:34

Their mum can help them buy something for their dad.

Octobermeterreadtime · 05/10/2023 19:37

My ds got dh a small monster toy for Father's day... I didn't put my other dc on the card even though they call him dad... Was a daft gift from a small dc... Other dc weren't upset... Teens won't give a shiney shit op..

Original poster
Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:38

13 & 15 and no they've never bought him anything. Not that it's a problem, he wouldn't expect anything from them at Christmas.

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 05/10/2023 19:40

Any child should be able to give a gift without it having to be from all the kids.

Everydayimhuffling · 05/10/2023 19:44

If your child had actually chosen it that would be fine, but you've chosen it. It seems mean to leave his other children off it.

I would have been upset by my dad having a sentimental thing like that from my step siblings and not me.

They don't have the resources to get their own, and evidently no one is helping them to buy presents for their dad as they never have.

Original poster
Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:44

Nevermind31 · 05/10/2023 19:40

Any child should be able to give a gift without it having to be from all the kids.

This is how I think. In the same way if they or their mum got a present for DH from them I wouldn't insist our child was included on it.

OP posts:
ChesapeakeBay · 05/10/2023 19:45

Absolutely fine to get him a gift from your child.

However I think the engraving is the problem. I can't imagine there are many parents who have something engraved from just one of their kids?

Original poster
Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:46

They don't have the resources to get their own, and evidently no one is helping them to buy presents for their dad as they never have

Its just never been a thing at Christmas for us (I don't recall ever buying my own parents a gift at Christmas either until I was earning my own money) and it's not a tradition I plan to start other than this one gift. For fathers day for example I always help them get something or give them money to get something themselves.

OP posts:
JustAMinutePleass · 05/10/2023 19:48

Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:46

They don't have the resources to get their own, and evidently no one is helping them to buy presents for their dad as they never have

Its just never been a thing at Christmas for us (I don't recall ever buying my own parents a gift at Christmas either until I was earning my own money) and it's not a tradition I plan to start other than this one gift. For fathers day for example I always help them get something or give them money to get something themselves.

Then why on earth are you creating a new tradition with just your baby?

Original poster
Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:50

I'm not planning on starting a tradition, I don't intend to purposefully go out every year from now on and get him something "from" our child every christmas. It's just one thing he said he liked and I thought the engraving was sweet.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 05/10/2023 19:52

If your 3yo had thoughtfully decided to get a gift alone, then I could see it, but that isn't what happened.

You, as an adult, are deliberately setting up a situation where 1 of 3 dc will get thanks and the other two will feel bad about not having something to give.

autiebooklover · 05/10/2023 20:24

As a parent I would find it weird if I got something with mum on that only had one of my 3 children's names on. I just wonder if your dh will feel the same? It would be different for you as you have one child.
Personally I would have asked elder kids if they wanted to be on.

ShellySarah · 05/10/2023 20:38

Stompythedinosaur · 05/10/2023 19:52

If your 3yo had thoughtfully decided to get a gift alone, then I could see it, but that isn't what happened.

You, as an adult, are deliberately setting up a situation where 1 of 3 dc will get thanks and the other two will feel bad about not having something to give.

The children's mother can buy something for them to give their father?

CurlewKate · 05/10/2023 20:40

From all his kids. Sorry-I can see why you did what you did- but no.

UndercoverCop · 05/10/2023 20:43

Can you not give the teens some money to buy him a little something?
I don't think it's their mum's job if your DH doesn't do the same for him, you're the one who is changing the status quo

BarbDwyerHair · 05/10/2023 20:44

Bit insensitive - maybe find something else from them too. Fair enough if they were 18 and 19.

Say 'Joe's got Dad this, do you two want to chose something?'

sep135 · 05/10/2023 20:45

I think it's fine but I'd give it to your husband quietly when the older kids aren't around.

Hankunamatata · 05/10/2023 20:48

It does smack a bit of writing the other kids out of his life with the engraving. It could efintly be a sore point. If they were all your children with a large age gap you wouldn't leave their names off

Dotcheck · 05/10/2023 20:50

Can you maybe help the older kids get a present? Take them shopping?

When my kids were that age I was incredibly grateful their step mum took this over.

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