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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get DH a present just from our child?

43 replies

Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:15

Me and DH have one 3 year old and he also has two older children who are in their teens.

I've began Christmas shopping and recently bought a gift for DH. It's something he's said he's wanted before and I have had it engraved as to my Daddy from X (our 3 yo).

We never tend to get presents "from" the children so i dont intend on getting two other presents "from" the older children, I just saw this and thought it would be a sweet gift for him as he's mentioned one before and there was an option for engraving. I won't be asking 3yo to give it to him either on Christmas day it will just be in DHs pile with everything else.

A family member commented that the other children weren't on there, I didn't think it was a problem.

So WIBU to buy a personalised present from just our child?

OP posts:

LovelyMMOG · 05/10/2023 20:52

sep135 · 05/10/2023 20:45

I think it's fine but I'd give it to your husband quietly when the older kids aren't around.

This. I wouldn’t do it from the teens as it’s not actually from them. They might not want to give their dad whatever it is🤷‍♀️ Different for a 3yo where really the gift is obviously from you.

Doidontimmm · 05/10/2023 20:59

As a mum I’d not want something with just one of my kids names engraved on it.

BeaLola · 05/10/2023 21:00

I think as it's something he's mentioned and presumably will be happy to sentimentally receive it would have been nice to have all 3 childrens names engraved on it as they are all children - eg I bought my Dad a special personalised "Dad" carved wooden gift fir his 90th birthday and just put my name on it not my brothers - but if we had been buying this with my Mums help when children it would have had both our names on.

I'm thinking keyring or watch ?

Motheranddaughter · 05/10/2023 21:05

I think that is not a nice thing to do
Hard enough for the SC with their parents being separated

Beenhereforever1978 · 05/10/2023 21:07

Cripes.

I have two kids of quite different ages, I've quite often had personalised stuff from one or the other (organised by their other parent) that doesn't "feature" them both.

I'd hope you're helping the older two choose something, and no it doesn't have to be equivalent to what you've bought, just a something.

In fact now I think about it I have never had a joint personal present from both of my children, it's only this post that has made me review that!

Sparkleshine21 · 05/10/2023 21:20

Let the older kids chose something for him each that you pay for, then they all have a personal gift to him. That’s the only way you’re going to make this fair I’m afraid.

ThatMrsM · 05/10/2023 21:23

Yeah I think the fact that it is a personalised gift engraved with only one of his children's names is unreasonable and insensitive. Couldn't you have got all their names engraved?

lunar1 · 05/10/2023 21:25

As a mum I'd like it if it was something that my child actually went out and did for me. But I wouldn't really want something from another adult with just one child included, it would seem an odd gift. And something I'd feel awkward opening.

tuvamoodyson · 05/10/2023 21:42

Stompythedinosaur · 05/10/2023 19:52

If your 3yo had thoughtfully decided to get a gift alone, then I could see it, but that isn't what happened.

You, as an adult, are deliberately setting up a situation where 1 of 3 dc will get thanks and the other two will feel bad about not having something to give.

…but they never get him anything.

lemmein · 05/10/2023 21:58

I would want an engraved special gift to have all my children's names on - have you thought that maybe the case for your DH too?

Beenhereforever1978 · 05/10/2023 22:38

@lemmein I have stuff from both of my kids that wasn't engraved like that and it has never occurred to me to be upset about it.

Maybe if they were 2 years apart but not at 8 years apart? They're both my kids but I wouldn't expect this level of orchestration at their ages.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/10/2023 07:38

tuvamoodyson · 05/10/2023 21:42

…but they never get him anything.

Show quote history

Well, of course not. Pretty common for dc to not think of getting gifts if this isn't encouraged and modelled by the adults around them, and it's clear they don't have this support.

Doesn't really excuse treating them badly on Christmas day.

redskytonights · 06/10/2023 07:45

I'd expect teens to sort something themselves tbh. Mine have always sorted their own gifts (never anything expensive - just a couple of quid as they didn't have much money) and some years it would mean one got something and not the other and vice versa.

If DH is not bothered either way, it really doesn't matter.

I suspect OP's DH's teens wouldn't want their names engraved on the thing in any case.

SemperIdem · 06/10/2023 08:00

It’s fine.

It is also fine to have traditions with your child that the SC didn’t or don’t have. They are their own person, with a different set of parents and don’t have to lead an identical life to their older half siblings.

tuvamoodyson · 06/10/2023 11:40

redskytonights · 06/10/2023 07:45

If DH is not bothered either way, it really doesn't matter.

I suspect OP's DH's teens wouldn't want their names engraved on the thing in any case.

Exactly!

amiold · 06/10/2023 11:49

Groupy · 05/10/2023 19:50

I'm not planning on starting a tradition, I don't intend to purposefully go out every year from now on and get him something "from" our child every christmas. It's just one thing he said he liked and I thought the engraving was sweet.

But even if you did want to, you can start traditions for your own children and don't need to feel bad about not including someone else's. If the children or their mum want to to nice things for their dad, then so be it.

Original poster

Groupy · 06/10/2023 14:52

Well thanks for the replies! The vote seems to be quite different to the responses so not sure what to take from it. Perhaps I will suggest nearer the time that they choose something for him if they want.

They likely won't even be with us though when DH opens the gift so probably don't need to lose any sleep over that I don't think.

OP posts:

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 25/02/2024 07:13

I don’t think YABU to buy something just from your own DC, or unreasonable to gift a personalised item just from one child BUT given that you say you don’t usually do gifts at Christmas, I’d find another occasion/ non occasion to give it to him. It sounds as if it would make the teenagers feel uncomfortable and I’d try to avoid that at all costs. Either it to him, when they are not there, or start a tradition where they ALL start giving gifts, and help them to do it to start with. All of my own children have always given gifts at Christmas, when they were small, they were given £1/ per person and let loose in Poundland, and it evolved from there. Giving gifts is as much a part of Christmas as receiving them imo.

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