To keep 6 of us living in 3-bed house?

[1houseandhome]

I've been poised to do an extension of some sort since moving into our lovely house 2 years ago.

But for some reason it feels completely wrong to knock down walls and muck about with what is a lovely house.

Also any one I know who has done an extension of any sort has obviously had some trouble- and their houses are actually freezing.

I just feel my house is just right, and doing an extension feels wrong.

Right now two kids share the dining room as their bedroom- so kind of 4-bed.

I guess the point of my post is I secretly feel that having an extension has been a bit of a craze, and people aren't necessarily always right to have done it- and ruined an otherwise perfectly good house.

Obviously it's up to me- but it's the first thing people ask when I bought my house- what are you going to do to it. And everyone seems unsatisfied when I reply: 'nothing'

I’m not getting the question, you can’t afford it and pretend you don’t really see the need. Maybe if you could afford it. You’d feel differently?

Not everyone has more than one reception room and a separate dinning room. A lot of people have dinning table in the living room or small table in the kitchen, that’s all.

If you can afford an extension then question is do you feel overcrowded? How often all of DCs are staying in the house all together. And what the gender and age mix it is. I’m assuming blood siblings share? You are ok for same gender siblings to share or very little mix gender sharing a room. But it’s less desirable/ideal for teenage boy and girls to share.

A cheaper option could be a triple glazed conservatory with a proper heating to use as a dinning room? Although it would be more difficult to heat than extension but you could close the doors and only use it when you really need it.

It's quite common for dc to share rooms. I work with families in their homes and it's rare that I come across many who don't have dc who share or have at some point. I work with people from all backgrounds and walks of life and lots share bedrooms and even beds with their parents. Lots have big floor beds and have lots of people sharing. It actually really works for the dc and I haven't had many negatives discussed with me.
Lots of people have 6 or more in 2 bed homes.

In a perfect world everyone would have lots of space and extra rooms but it's far from the reality for most people.

Round here where I live (not work) it's more common for families to have a bit more space so more do have separate rooms but not all.

The most important thing is that dc have engaged parents who invest in their education and interests. For me that usually means prioritising time with dc, often working less or in a less stressful job and so less money for a bigger home or extension. People often ask me what I observe to be the biggest factor in raising well rounded and successful dc and the answer is always time with parents who are fully present. It's never having a big home with their own room.

@Sheselectric22 what line of work are you in? 6 people or more in 2 bedrooms is not the norm amongst my social group.

The people asking. Do they pay your mortgage? Pay little attention to what people say. Be happy and comfortable to say we love as it is. Save money and the nightmare of having builders. You are the family living there so you know better.

We did a rear extension and a loft extension and love what it did to our house. The lounge and kitchen are bigger and in the loft we have two bedrooms, a box room and shower. We can’t imagine living here without the improvements we have made. We used the loft as an en-suite for guests, giving them a kettle and a fridge and our daughter now lives up there - one bedroom is her lounge and she has squeezed a desk into the box room. As children grow older they need a room of their room if only as a place to study. And I say that as someone who always had to share a bedroom when I was growing up and ended up spending every evening after school in the public library studying for A-levels. Mind you, I did meet some nice boys there!

@crumblingschools does it matter? It's not the norm for your social group but it is the norm for many many people. I assume your social group is a small portion of the population. I have had the privilege to work with a large number of families all across the country and spend time in their homes and this is what I have observed.

I wouldn't dream of starting an extension when you are so on the fence about it.

There are 7 of us and recently we added a wall to turn our 3 bedroom house into a 4 bedroom house. If you are happy with it as it is then I would keep it that way.

Thanks for this comment- that's definitely what I think.

I am actually working full time now- and could afford an extension. But earlier this year I was out of work for a few months and I don't want to be reckless with my money.

The two sharing are brothers, and the 8 year old is only here 2 nights out of 14 at the moment- so more like a fun sleepover when he comes.

I do like the thought of all being together- and I do think you get better relationships being closer together- most dc are in the central space rather than their rooms most of the time anyway.

Only issue is welcoming visitors round- but with working full time have less time for socialising and organising play dates anyway.

Yes that's true- I really can't face the thought of disruption- and I'm wary of ruining a perfectly good house

That sounds like a very odd shaped house, tbf. Three reception rooms, dining room, kitchen and two bedrooms?

I’m not against dc sharing a room - if that’s all you can afford then you can make the best of it. I shared a bedroom with my brother til I was about 5 - he was 9. But we still had a dining room and space in the kitchen to eat. As soon as my parents could afford it we moved.

So I think it’s a bit selfish to make dc share - especially as they’re taking living space - if you can afford to extend. I do think kids at secondary school / going through puberty need their own space and privacy. To do homework / have friends over etc.

Assuming the DC sharing are the step children, I think the view of their parent should hold the greatest weight.
As a parent the priority is more likely to be the comfort and privacy of their children than maintaining the asthetics of the house, so I think their view would be the more valid in this case, and I'd go with that.

If it’s a typical 1930s/40s semi detached house with 2 double bedrooms and a box room I can’t see why you wouldn’t convert the loft and do a side extension as most people have done locally to me in similar houses.

I’m in a small cottage type house with 2 double bedrooms and box room and was going to convert the loft but no need as it’s just me.

It sounds tight to me but if it works for you and your family then it works.

Some things to think about though - do the children have enough space to do homework etc? They could be all trying to work at the same time especially as they get older! Is it hard to have friends round with the reduced living space, and if so does it bother you or your family? Are the older children likely to move out in a few years (e.g. for uni, although bear in mind more students are continuing to live at home for this now) - will they later want to move back? Is now the right time for an expensive extension or would it be better in a couple of years (do you have a savings buffer?)?

What about turning the attic space into rooms?

So 12 nights/days the 8yrs isn't there as at other parent

And only stays 2 nights a fortnight so is that every other weekend

But shares with his brother

Why doesn't the brother spend his time with his other parent the way the 8yr does

I wouldn't assume that the same arrangements will hold forever on who lives where - the child who currently isn't there much might decide or need to live with you full time.

What do your DH/DP and children think?

I think this is wise.

The disruption can be huge and you do seem to really like your home.

Have you looked at alternatives like adding a garden room with a proper room and velux?

A simple loft extension?

A log room in the garden for extra study space?

Financial security provides such a calm security to a childhood, so I would value it highly.

Bottom line is you are not in any rush so I would look at this as a long term project which you spend investigating all options and finding the best builder.

Years ago my friend waited months for an Attic conversation specialist who was in and fully out in 15 days, absolutely fantastic.

I would always wait for the contractor who does the most painless job, especially if you have to remain in situ.

Explore every option, spilt bunks which look great., and storage solution possible first, before you make any decision.

Good luck.

It is a bit odd… one of the ‘reception’ rooms we use as a bedroom was actually the kitchen at one point, it’s more like a slightly large box room than a reception room in size.

@1houseandhome I wish I could get my dc to spend time in their own rooms. Mine are never out of our open plan living area. They are always here, round me, even when doing homework. It's rare they bother to use their rooms to the fullest. Sometimes I wonder why we bothered moving to give them that space.

If you want more space and have a big enough garden I'd get a garden room instead of extending

We had a long extension so added 2 enormous bedrooms and a shower room. It was really good whole the teens grew up but so gave us 6 bedrooms instead of four. Now both boys have their own homes and the 3 of us rattle around in a 6 bedroom house and DH refuses to downsize which frustrates me hugely.

Growing up, there were 5 of us in a 3 bed (parents and 3 kids) I loved my home and the living space was fine. However, I had to share with my older sister, I hated it! Really, really hated it. I swore to myself that I would never have my children share a room and made buying a big house my priority.
I would extend. My parents always say that they regret not extending their house.