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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How am I supposed to do this without being in debt?

103 replies

orangepinkblue · 05/10/2023 09:07

I thought I earned a decent amount. Take home is 3,200.

Mortgage around 1,000. This is far better than rent round here.
Car finance (yes I need car for work!), 290.
Childcare full times, 1,400.
Credit card payments (interest free) 80.
Travel to and from work, 150 a month.

Last year energy costs were around 250 a month in winter. I don’t know what I’m going to do? I have no partner and don’t seem to have any access to other support due to my income. Things like car tax, insurance for car and home, food, petrol, I don’t know how I will manage this?

OP posts:
xILikeJamx · 05/10/2023 10:21

You're effectively paying £1840/month just to get to work. That's where I'd start evaluating

Glorifried · 05/10/2023 10:26

Can you do anything to add to your income? Tutoring in the evenings? Make Halloween/ Christmas things? Make/sell cakes? Proofread?

MaryShelley1818 · 05/10/2023 10:27

You should be able to half that car payment, childminder is much cheaper than nursery.
Also that's an exceptionally large mortgage - is there any scope to downsize?

BarbaraofSeville · 05/10/2023 10:31

£1000 pm an 'exceptionally large mortgage' Hmm

Even I as someone who bought a house in the north decades ago know that it's not particularly big in today's terms.

RedPony1 · 05/10/2023 10:39

MaryShelley1818 · 05/10/2023 10:27

You should be able to half that car payment, childminder is much cheaper than nursery.
Also that's an exceptionally large mortgage - is there any scope to downsize?

Exceptionally large mortgage? Not in todays terms.

Babyroobs · 05/10/2023 10:42

Have you checked for any UC entitlement ?
Could you extend the mortgage over a longer term. I assume you are young so this may be possible.
How old is your child - you will get free 30 hours at age 2 ( can't remember the exact date that is coming in but can't be too far away ).

Flickersy · 05/10/2023 10:51

£290/month for a car doesn't mean the car is expensive.

I pay exactly that for a second hand Ford Fiesta. It's not a flashy new Mercedes. Car prices have gone through the roof in recent years. You can't pick up a decent (by which I mean working and not knackered) second hand car for a couple of grand like you could 5 or 10 years ago.

The issue is the childcare costs. Can you pay any family to have them? It may be cheaper than nursery.

Why don't you pursue your ex through CMS?

Original poster
orangepinkblue · 05/10/2023 11:04

@MaryShelley1818 i’m paying the least for my mortgage by quite a margin among my friends… the rates are crazy and I am lucky this is fixed for 5 years frankly!

Thanks for the advice, can’t get rid of the car it wouldn’t work, I think I might try and push for condensed hours as this would save a day of costs

OP posts:
1month · 05/10/2023 11:34

Have you worked out how much you’d earn/save in childcare if you dropped a day or 2?

Of course your earnings will be a lot less but it may work out that you’re better off because you’ll be paying less childcare or in a similar position but working less.

What is it that you do for a living?

1month · 05/10/2023 11:35

How old is your child?

I agree with the PP that childcare is the issue.

1month · 05/10/2023 11:36

Does ex have contact?

If he doesn’t work then can’t he look after the child?

Berninaa · 05/10/2023 11:45

Childcare costs are brutal. The government needs to do something about it.

I’d try to condense hours too, can you explain your situation to your employer’s HR dept?

I think the car cost is ok too. Presumably you need a reliable, safe car to facilitate work/childcare. It’s a tool to allow you to live/work.

BMW6 · 05/10/2023 11:49

Why can't you get rid of the car?

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 05/10/2023 11:55

If the child’s father isn’t working why can’t he do the child care?

updownleftrightstart · 05/10/2023 12:10

Can you find a cheaper childcare? We used a childminder rather than nursery and it saved us around £500 a month.
If you have space in your house could you get an au pair? There is a limit of how much childcare they could do but it might enable you to cope with just 3 days a week paid childcare instead.
It's so hard, but hopefully soon you'll be entitled to free hours and it makes a massive difference.

bonbon2023 · 05/10/2023 12:15

I'd give up work until childs in full time education and claim uc

Anothershitusername · 05/10/2023 12:15

You will have to do what we did
use a credit card for the shortfall
when your child is no longer in childcare you have an extra £1400 a month to pay of the creditcard
we had no other choice ,still paying it back

Babyroobs · 05/10/2023 12:16

Berninaa · 05/10/2023 11:45

Childcare costs are brutal. The government needs to do something about it.

I’d try to condense hours too, can you explain your situation to your employer’s HR dept?

I think the car cost is ok too. Presumably you need a reliable, safe car to facilitate work/childcare. It’s a tool to allow you to live/work.

They are doing something about it. There were announcements of the 30 hours expanding to babies form nine months old recently.

Clemally · 05/10/2023 12:17

£250 a month in energy? I can heat a large old house with LPG for less than that, including having an Aga running 24/7

Have you got a smart meter?

Babyroobs · 05/10/2023 12:20

bonbon2023 · 05/10/2023 12:15

I'd give up work until childs in full time education and claim uc

Well if op did this she would get £638.32 a month UC to live on and her mortgage is 1k so she would lose her home pretty quickly. It would only be a feasible idea if she was going to sell up and rent somewhere instead but if she did that and had equity over 16k in the house she would be eligible for zero UC.

NoSquirrels · 05/10/2023 12:20

You say you need the £290 car for work, but you’re also paying £150 travel to work. Is that petrol/fuel? Because you list that separately as a concern.

Open a claim for child maintenance via the CMS. You’ve nothing to lose.

Think seriously about a lodger.

NoSquirrels · 05/10/2023 12:21

And consider a childminder instead of nursery.

fyn · 05/10/2023 12:33

Have you checked whether you are eligible for the childcare element of UC?

Thisismynewusername1 · 05/10/2023 12:36

I was in this situation when mine were at nursery.

I asked the bank to change my mortgage to interest only until the kids were at school. They agreed.

it was a lifesaver over those few years and meant we managed ok.

babyproblems · 05/10/2023 12:37

Just wanted to say op that you’ll be so much better when kids start school- childcare is so expensive and that’s eating up your money for now. Shameful your child’s dad won’t contribute- I hope there is systemic change coming for absent fathers as it’s absolutely disgraceful for those who have to manage and the whole thing is absolutely discriminatory against women in every way. I wonder when we will have a government who really understand this and care enough about women and children to make change. I read a news story this week saying some change was happening to the CMS giving them greater powers. It cannot happen quick enough! Sending you a hug x