to wonder if you have a friend you can tell everything to?

[justholdingon]

I feel so lonely tonight -- family crisis. There is no one, not even my husband (especially not my husband, perhaps) to whom I could explain all the elements of my grief tonight. Maybe I am just very bad at trusting other people?

Do you have anyone, friend, family, just anyone not paid to be there like a psychiatrist or sworn to secrecy like a Catholic confessor, to whom you feel safe telling pretty much any grief --

I mean, like, how your husband gave you herpes and you're still not divorcing him,
or your parents are both dying and you've now tested positive for the same disease,
or your children have done something really terrible...?

No. I don’t have any friends. But even if I did, I wouldn’t tell them things because I hate the idea of someone knowing whatever about me, and judging or pitying me. DH complains sometimes that I’m a bit of a closed book, but I don’t know how else to be.

Sorry this happened to you Greenfinch7, is there no way of restoring this friendship? Sending a birthday message, christmas card with a note perhaps?

Have you considered going to your doctor and getting a referral so you can get emotional support with all the stuff that is going on? Alternatively, there are many cancer charities who provide support in person or over the phone so that you have someone you can talk to regularly. 💐