To be unsure about this new woman at his work

[Redcliffe1]

AIBU to be a bit unsure about the man I'm seeing and his "friend " at work

I met this man (let's call him Tim) on bumble about a year ago - got on really well, went away pretty early on and have seen each other other other week since (I have my kids the other week). He is 49 and Im 52 and dispite living 90 minutes/2 hours (public transport) we make it work.

A few months ago, we agreed to tone things down a little, and although we are still exclusive, it's more a situationalship than a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. He works in retail and is a shift leader. A while ago this new woman started (let's call her Sue) and they have become fast friends despite her being 22. He often talks about her and says she's the daughter he never had.

They work alongside each other alot (he chooses her over others if he needs an extra person with him for a task), they hang out during quiet times, he takes her lunch in everyday and sometimes at weekends or evenings they go for long dog walks together with his dog. He sent me a picture of her and his dog (he normally sends me one of his dog and I said "be good to see what Sue looks like" so he included her in the picture). She is incredibly pretty, and now I'm starting to wonder if there isn't more to it or if I am being paranoid?

No! I just called them that for this post.

I had an older male colleague who was also ONLY a friend.
He looked out for me, we did meet outside of work a few times.
He (and his sons) were at my 21st.
I can and does happen.
I definitely knew the difference between a good man and vile predator although I don't care to share why right now.

Well I was the youngest at my work and I got on great with 2 much older ones in the office when I was 21 and several years on I'm still fab friends with both him and her even tho there 30 years older. Actually know there other halfs now but yep great friendship and that's all it's ever been

Yes, there are a lot of people on Mumsnet who would love to see workplaces segregated by gender. Every female coworker is after their man, apparently.

You must see the difference between pointing out that a man pushing 50 taking in lunch and using his limited workplace influence to get close to a 22 year old woman is creepy, and suggesting the pretty 22 year old is after OPs man?
The only people who would suggest the latter tend to be deluded middle aged men and the odd woman who over values them.
As for work places segregated by sex, tbh, when I was 22 I'd have loved that. Imagine just being able to get on with your work without a bunch of old men panting after you. Heaven.

Yes it's very much the men chasing after the young women that are the problem, not women looking to "steal" middle aged men.

She is incredibly pretty, and now I'm starting to wonder if there isn't more to it or if I am being paranoid?

Why don't you ask him? Tell him how you feel about the situation but at the end of the day you can't ask him to give up a genuine friendship. It is odd he's saying she's the daughter he's never had if she only starting working there less than a year ago.

With the greatest of respect I doubt a 22yo would be interested in a 50yo who works in a shop. If he was minted I’d maybe think it was a quid pro quo thing, but she is a pretty 22yo she probably has scores of handsome 22yo men chasing her

You find the idea of friendship with a person of a different age ridiculous?

What is a situationship? genuinely have no idea what this is.

This is giving me creepy vibes... sorry OP

ZOMBIE FROM OCTOBER LAST YEAR

I'm finding it a bit creepy too sorry OP. Paternalising this employee & doing all these things for her I find a bit weird. Like he's justifying contact with & attention from a very pretty young woman as being father/daughterly so it's not threatening to you. Sorry!

Doh!

So do you want to be with him then?
If you're ready half out the door and wanted to split, then does it matter?
I do think it sounds groomy though

Why are people saying it's groomy? She's 22 ffs. Maybe there's more going on with them than what he's saying and she's pursuing him!

He makes double or takes two lots of leftovers in.
Sounds like he is infatuated with her.

That sums it up quite nicely. Sorry OP but I can't think of a single man who'd be making lunches each day for a "daughter he never had". Can you imagine him doing the same for a young male colleague? 😂
He is "honest" because that's the best camouflage. If she jumped in his arms tomorrow do you think he'd say no?
Cut your losses and get rid.

There are a lot of PPs about being young and having an older work colleague friend. There isn't one ( that I've read) that is from an older female poster saying they are great friends with a younger 20 something man. This says it all.

Yes, but it is still interesting. Some zombie threads hold up when resurrected, although most do not.

I doubt she fancies him, but he probably does fancy her a bit, if she's pretty and young. I would try and befriend her, better the devil you know and all that. Plus she could be lovely and turn into a nice friend for you too. I wouldn't assume the worst of husband yet.

I could well be the zombie thread resurrecter, I often read a thread and realise it's old but comment anyway cause I want to know the outcome. My noseyness doesn't allow me to click away lol