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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go to a pub without LOUD, sweary men?

40 replies

Tobleroner · 04/10/2023 18:12

Hi,

I'm sure there will be those who say it's a free country and that I am being unreasonable, but honestly, I'm just sick of going out for a drink and wanting to leave shortly after arriving. It doesn't even seem to matter which pub anymore. You used to know which pubs to avoid if you wanted a quieter, more chilled evening, but I guess arseholes can be anywhere....or everywhere now apparently.

Took my teen dd for lunch this afternoon, somewhere which on the surface is a really lovely, friendly, village pub, so assumed we'd be OK, but straight away I could tell that we were going to want to rush lunch and get out of there asap.

I'm not offended by swearing and it's not like I never swear, but it's the sheer volume and aggressive and intimidating tone. Then there's the misogynistic chat on top of that, getting louder and louder. The stuff that was coming out of their mouths was disgusting. I didn't want my dd hearing it. I've noticed this happening more and more and it really pisses me off. I resent feeling that uncomfortable that I end up actually leaving.

So is it just me or is this becoming more common?

OP posts:
TheGuv1982 · 04/10/2023 18:26

Pick nicer pubs?

AuroraForever · 04/10/2023 18:31

Not all pubs are like this but if you wanted quiet and non-sweary why did you go to a pub when it sounds like a cafe would be more up your street? If you’re noticing it more and more then maybe it’s time to stop going in them?

Softnatural · 04/10/2023 18:34

Where are you? I had an usually sociable weekend. Friday night I was in a pub in an outer London Borough, Saturday in a working men's club in the rough part of a rough town and Sunday afternoon/evening in two different beer gardens in a seaside town and then indoors. I didn't experience this in any of them.

BigFatLiar · 04/10/2023 18:35

Can't say it's been that much of a problem for us. We used to go out a fair bit but didn't have much of an issue, if it wasn't a nice pub we didn't go back. A lotbof pubs these days seem to focus more on eating than drinking.

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 04/10/2023 18:37

I think swearing in a pub is fine, but misogynistic chat, especially loud enough for everyone to hear, is not on.

Original poster
Tobleroner · 04/10/2023 18:38

@AuroraForever no, a cafe wouldn't be more up my street. I love a pub, I just don't want to be surrounded by people like that. Is that really what you should expect now?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 04/10/2023 18:43

Misogynist comments in a pub is unacceptable. I'd probably tell them to STFU myself but I'm 51 and I no longer put up with this nonsense. Or I would have spoken to staff.

Pubs are generally noisy/sociable places so yes I'd expect a bit of swearing.

Original poster
Tobleroner · 04/10/2023 18:44

@OnAFrolicOfMyOwn yes, I don't that's too much to ask is it? At the risk of sounding like I'm 104, they used to get kicked out, especially if it was family friendly. Now they don't really bother. I don't always blame them though, as they're probably worried about the repercussions. I'm only in my 30's and I remember it wasn't tolerated in the same way when I was a teenager.

OP posts:
BCCoach · 04/10/2023 18:45

Yep, we have been invaded by early retirement DFLs. It’s all orange tans and FACKIN’ this and FACKIN’ that. They also have no idea how to drive on country lanes and think passing places are for parking Range Rovers in.

Softnatural · 04/10/2023 18:46

BCCoach · 04/10/2023 18:45

Yep, we have been invaded by early retirement DFLs. It’s all orange tans and FACKIN’ this and FACKIN’ that. They also have no idea how to drive on country lanes and think passing places are for parking Range Rovers in.

Oh you live somewhere nice. You need to come down the WMC with me 😆

Sprig1 · 04/10/2023 18:46

I would say 'Could you please not swear in front of my child'. I have said this a number of times and have always received an apology and change in language. It might not always work but give it a go. You might be surprised.

Original poster
Tobleroner · 04/10/2023 18:46

@jeaux90 so would I. It's not the swearing or the noise to a point, but when they're basically getting louder and louder and more and more offensive to the point you really can't shut it out, it's just not right.

OP posts:
BCCoach · 04/10/2023 18:49

@Softnatural we have a WMC. They wouldn’t be seen dead in it I imagine. Too many forriners for a start (lots of the agricultural workers go there).

Original poster
Tobleroner · 04/10/2023 18:49

@Sprig1 I have done before and yes, I was pleasantly surprised. I think when you're dealing with guys like the ones today, who were just generally being vile, I think it would have kicked off.

OP posts:
Softnatural · 04/10/2023 18:54

BCCoach · 04/10/2023 18:49

@Softnatural we have a WMC. They wouldn’t be seen dead in it I imagine. Too many forriners for a start (lots of the agricultural workers go there).

There you are then, the WMC is the place to be.

gotomomo · 04/10/2023 18:55

I go to the pub 1-2 times a week and I can count on one hand how often that has happened this year - it did 2 weeks ago, a guy pestering women and he was removed by the bouncers

Lasttraintolondon · 04/10/2023 18:56

I think you're looking for a coffee shop

TotalOverhaul · 04/10/2023 18:57

I sympathise. I went to a lovely genteel wine bar the other day with a friend. I'd been there several times and it's a perfect place to have a long, in depth, quiet conversation. except SHOUTY MEN were at the bar, braying away.

Went to a horrible pub near a friend's work to try and catch up with her (her choice of pub) and SHOUTY MEN SHOUTED for an hour straight. I couldn't hear a word my friend said.

ZolaBudd · 04/10/2023 18:57

It’s

a

pub

Softnatural · 04/10/2023 18:58

Am I going to get in to trouble for saying groups of screechy women are a bigger problem 😆

RaininSummer · 04/10/2023 19:00

Last time I was in a pub in the evening it was packed with drunk me. They spent a while cat calling my group of women then took to aiming ice cubes at our cleavages.

Softnatural · 04/10/2023 19:02

RaininSummer · 04/10/2023 19:00

Last time I was in a pub in the evening it was packed with drunk me. They spent a while cat calling my group of women then took to aiming ice cubes at our cleavages.

No landlord I know would allow that? If anything, I find pubs have stricter on behaviour since I was young.

Titicacacandle · 04/10/2023 19:04

You definitely sound like you want a cafe more than a pub.

Pubs aren't for children anyway.

M340 · 04/10/2023 19:04

Sprig1 · 04/10/2023 18:46

I would say 'Could you please not swear in front of my child'. I have said this a number of times and have always received an apology and change in language. It might not always work but give it a go. You might be surprised.

If someone told me off for swearing in a pub, I'd tell you to fuck off. Child or no child.

Misogynistic chat isn't on though.

Original poster
Tobleroner · 04/10/2023 19:04

@Lasttraintolondon 🙄 Yes, of course. I'm just too fragile and should expect this kind of behaviour as the norm. Do you?

OP posts: