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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To chill and watch tv after school?

51 replies

naughtybutnicee · 04/10/2023 14:21

I have 2 children, age 3 so in nursery end age 5 so in year 1. 3yo is nursery all day

My aibu is, am I naughty for allowing tv after school? Older one doesn't get homework only to read so we get home at 4 and they tend to watch tv until 6 thrn have dinner and wind down for the evening before bath bed

Sometimes I feel like a terrible parent for not doing much after school but then again I'm pretty sure I did the same just watched tv unless any homework

Weekends I try to do something at least one of the days so last one just gone we went out for soft play so I try to arrange stuff to do weekends and holidays but lots of tv after school

Am I awful? Or do others do the same

OP posts:
Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 04/10/2023 14:31

I think you are a great parent, school is exhausting. Curling up with the TV, especially in winter is lovely

BoohooWoohoo · 04/10/2023 14:32

Mine had tv or screens for an hour with a snack then played with their siblings until dinner. Worked well

BoohooWoohoo · 04/10/2023 14:33

Since there is no afternoon play at school, I see chill out time as the equivalent of that.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 14:40

You're not awful but it sounds like you are thinking that there could be a better use of their time.
I'm wondering about if they could develop hobbies or interests away from mindkessly consuming a screen- if you don't fancy or can't ferry them to after school activities, at home you could encourage them to try arts and crafts, baking, exercise like yoga or listening to an audio book, reading books, learning to knit, easy chores like folding and putting away laundry, practising a musical instrument etc. I'd be encouraging my child to do these after school.

StaringAtTheWater · 04/10/2023 14:40

Of course you're not awful, but to me it does sounds like quite a lot of TV in one sitting everyday... At age 3 and 5 can they not just play with toys together for an hour? followed by an hour of TV? (Or vice versa) My two always happily play together after school, then dinner & bath, followed by TV for 30-45 mins before stories and bedtime. The downside is that the living room is always covered in toys - I only tidy it once a week to hover and clean - otherwise it just feels never ending! So I'm sure some people would judge me on that front.

Sartre · 04/10/2023 14:41

My NDN is one of those parents that doesn’t allow much screen time and is all about ‘experiences’ and play time 24/7 which is great but her 4 yo (who has just started FT school) seems constantly burnt out. I’ve always let my DC watch TV and they’re all well adjusted kids who do great at school and barely ever have meltdowns. Her DD just seems knackered and has tantrums all of the time, she could probably use a bit or CBeebies chill time tbh.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 14:41

Just double checked their ages - perhaps my suggestions are for a couple of years!
But building forts and dens, hide and seek, playing with puppets and dolls houses, Lego or duplo, puzzles, colouring making shops etc.

I get that when they are watching tv you know that they're safe and you can get on with stuff

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2023 14:44

You can also give an activity or game one at a time so they get excited about what they're coming home to eg on Mondays there is Lego out on Tuesdays a puzzle on Wednesdays puppets

RedRobyn2021 · 04/10/2023 14:44

No you most definitely aren't terrible

But they could be doing something better with their time, 2 hours every day is a lot of tv

JustPiercedAug · 04/10/2023 14:45

Mine did exactly that and are perfectly well rounded and gainfully employed adults!

Boredatwork1234 · 04/10/2023 14:49

We come in have tv time with milk
and a biscuit. If we have any homework it’s 30-45mins after we have got in. I get them
started on homework and prep tea while in the same room.

Then we either have tv / play time after dinner too. It’s their downtime, I think not putting a restriction on tv time means they aren’t bothered about it all the time. If they aren’t tired they definitely play more and run around / go outside. We have no tantrums, turning the tv off but obv doesn’t work for all kids not having a limit on screen time

picturethispatsy · 04/10/2023 14:50

I think it’s good to promote relaxation for your children. Too many children today are being trained/groomed for a life of ‘hustle’ and busy.
The only thing I’d say is that perhaps they might need a little bit of fresh air/daylight on days it’s not rainy. Get them playing out for some of this time perhaps?

wineandmaltesershappyme · 04/10/2023 14:51

Mines Y3, has always chilled with TV after school. Gets home c5:15 from after school club, does any homework then chills with kids TV, have dinner, after dinner will watch a more educational show (Maddy how it's made/wow thats amazing etc) or a documentary with us (she enjoys that)
Will keep taking breaks to go draw/colour/play as gets restless.

SecondUsername4me · 04/10/2023 14:52

Seems fine to me! Sometimes we walk home from school via the park, let them run round for half an hour which off sets my guilt.

Panda89 · 04/10/2023 14:55

DD7 watches a few hours of TV after school or plays on the Switch most days as I am still working (WFH) until 5pm. It’s not an issue at all. Sometimes DH finishes work early and asks if she wants to do activities etc and usually she says no due to being tired from ‘doing stuff’ at school.

I often watched tv, played on a console etc after school and am a well rounded adult.

Snowpaw · 04/10/2023 15:06

Everyone's lives are different. What happens if you don't put the TV on? Would they play?

I tend not to put the TV on after school - just personal preference. My 4yr old is quite easily overstimulated and I think she just needs quiet or music after school. TV kind of just makes her even more over-tired after a school day and it all ends in tears.

When she comes home she is fraught / tired / hungry / thirsty / cross usually so I do her a big drink and then generally she just wants to be left with her toys to play for a bit, while I put together a quick dinner for her and she eats about 4.15pm and then is in a settled mood after that usually and is happy to carry on playing or doing drawing or whatnot. Sometimes we go out for a short walk and I like that because she opens up a bit then and talks about what she's done that day. Then I do a snack later, bath and in bed for 6.45 as she is shattered. She definitely couldn't last till 6pm for dinner.

WonderingAboutBabies · 04/10/2023 15:18

Seems ok to have TV after school to wind down, but perhaps not for 2 hours? Seeing as lots of kids programmes tend to be quite short, that's a lot of programmes!
I'd mix it up with some other activities just to give them some variance and to introduce potential new hobbies! :)

PuttingDownRoots · 04/10/2023 15:19

Some TV is fine. But so is just quiet play time.

I found too much tv made mine lethargic and grumpy.

Tootsweets84 · 04/10/2023 15:20

Mine watch loads of TV. They also have clubs and other hobbies, but not every day and they are a bit older than yours. Personally, I don't get the issue. As long as they are also capable of doing other things and get enough fresh air and exercise why does it matter? People get so precious over this. Mine also drink full fate coke, eat sugary snacks and love a McDonalds. None of them are lazy, stupid, overweight or incapable of socialising. Parents these days are so highly strung

Pherian · 04/10/2023 15:56

It's fine. Honestly, they are tired. You're tired. It's ok to relax.

Marblessolveeverything · 04/10/2023 16:08

I found when the tv went on all creative play went out the door. So we went cold turkey - and only had it on Monday and Friday afterschool and weekends.

At that age mine where outside playing - building dens/running around a little/ or if the weather wasn't great they were making something or playing with some sort of transformer/turtle/lego etc.

They tended to have one out of school activity a couple of times a week so that broke it up also. Honestly, I found it a struggle - I was working as well but I know they were better off having the creative play. Then when I needed the TV - it was a bit of a novelty.

Do what works but I would consider the reduction in imaginative play as it can help them developmentally, socially and their well being.

Retrievemysanity · 04/10/2023 16:15

Mine are older now but at that age I used to mix it up a bit so telly a couple of nights a week, a friend round to play one night and the 5 year old went to rainbows and ballet after school as well. In the summer we used to pop to the park with some of the school lot too.

Original poster
naughtybutnicee · 04/10/2023 16:19

They do play too i between watching tv and I'll take them away from the tv for a bit while we read books so I take it in turns doing that with each child and deffo they go outdoors too as we have a garden so they make use of that lots in warmer weather

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 04/10/2023 16:21

The TV went on at 5pm here when DD was little especially during the winter or bad weather, it was trek home from school and we’d often pop to the supermarket or somewhere else to run an errand on the way home. We’d then have a drink and a biscuit and sort stuff for the next day or do ‘jobs’ together around the house. Come 5pm I needed to start tea so she had TV hour 5-6pm and then we had tea. I actually think it was her favourite part of day. To be fair, in the summer she’d play out front more with the neighbours kids.

Snowinjulyy · 04/10/2023 16:23

It's fine, as long as you get them out the house at weekends and have family dinnertimes together (not in front of the telly) I honestly wouldn't worry about it. They need downtime after school/nursery