Is there some sort of app or website to fill in to see if division of tasks is unreasonable;

[jackstini]

I know this topic is often a bone of contention on MN, but it's not the easiest thing to work out

Just wondering if anything exists where you can fill in/tick boxes on who does what in working, chores, childcare, admin, mental load etc. and it then calculates how many hours each is actually doing, so the proof is there in black and white?

If so - please share!

If not - can MN or one of you please invent it?!

Seriously?

Excel spreadsheet?

So funny you should mention this as I said to my husband a while back I wanted to invent this! Wouldn't know where to start though but I bet there would be a market for it!

I doubt it exists because what is reasonable to one person/couple, may not be for another.

If you really want to add up who spends how much time doing such tasks, set up a spreadsheet and log everythig.

Have a look at this https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-cards

To be honest, if one sees the other as a lazy arse then I have doubts whether an app would make a lot of difference. Is the lazy one going to suddenly have an epiphany and announce 'yes! you were right all along!' - I doubt it.

I hate to say it, but that sounds like a invented chore in and of itself.

Do these all day and seems too much like work!
Happy to fill in a ready made one but no inclination to start from scratch

But it's a tool to work with!

Exactly - that's why I don't want to invent it!
I just want an easy way to see the hours split

Thank you

Do it!

That is quite the intricate thought process. My brain lol.

I immediately think of reactive abuse if someone is wanting to be that detailed and have black and white proof. If that's not the case, I want to learn how to be that thorough with distributing my time 🤣

Could you not just talk to each other instead?

Depending on how bad the discrepancy is and how petty you want to go You could use something like Toggl. You can pre-fill things like working hours + commute, overlap 'tasks' like childcare and admin can both be logged side by side, and get really anal and assign 'Projects' to things to categorise the stuff you do.

You or him could 'cheat' though by either longing out jobs or lying about how long they take so it looks like you've done more. So in theory he/you could wander off to 'clean the bathroom' and sit on his/your phone for two hours...

Yes, this is a really good one - search for "equality" and it will bring up the pdf:

https://vardgivare.skane.se/sok/?query=Equality

Yes we do, all the time
Both of us said it would be interesting to do, but if we did it ourselves we would no doubt miss stuff off!

@jackstini it isn't even about chores. It's the mental labour that you do that he doesn't and can't see.

He doesn't look at the bed sheets and think they need replacing then go out and buy new ones that match, feel comfy and look nice. He doesn't meal plan or think ahead to get birthday cards and gifts and he doesn't think if you and the kids would like/want/need something. A good example is if you have a growing child. He is unlikely to be the parent to buy shoes in January and then understand that by August, those little feet might be bigger and new shoes be required. He just thinks "but we just got X new shoes".

That's what you do. The chores AND the metal load. You really need him to be carrying more of that so it feels fairer and unburdens you.

No need when there's an app for that - WhatsApp.

No but I would love one!

Clearly one of you feels you do too much and the other one doesn’t do enough; I don’t think an app will solve your problems

This is just what you are looking for

I'm sorry but this is just stupidity.
Because it will depend completely on your own unique set of circumstances.
For some people 'cooking' could be 2 hours, for other 2 seconds.
'Cleaning' a house would depend completely on the size of your house and your standard.
'Life admin' could be 2 seconds if you do nothing, or hours if your child is an international dancer.
Etc etc

Not stupidity at all - but thanks for your kind comment🙄

An app where you could put all that in would then work it out!

Obviously everyone's circumstances are different but It would ask you how big your house is, size of family, number of cars, pets, holidays, commitments, work hours etc.

If your kids don't do extra curricular activities you put in 0 hours against that; if they dance 6 days out of 7 you put in X hours - it's not rocket science

Right. So, as detailed above, it's called an excel spreadsheet.