Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice re primary teacher words

68 replies

Yellowcakestand · 03/10/2023 23:31

Sorry all, wasn't sure where to put this but wanted others opinions.

DS8 doesn't talk to me about much ar school but this evening he told me that a teacher doesn't like him. DS finds handwriting very difficult and needs lots of continued encouragement to keep to task (feel sorry for his teacher).

Anyway, today his teacher was sick. Another teacher took the class for English. DS was writing with a short pencil which he said was easier for him and said he was trying his "very best". Teacher took the pencil out of his hand and replaced with a long pencil and said in front of the class "no wonder your handwriting isn't neat, writing with that".
Doesn't seem much but enough to DE that he wanted to tell me and that it made him cry in the class but he tried not to.

WWYD? Send an email to school or leave it? I don't want him to disengage completely with English as he has come so far to actually tolerate sitting and attempting to write anything at all! Do I just say can they inform that teacher that a lot of work and effort from other teachers has been put in to get him where he is now? This teacher is deputy head and takes the class for maths so does seen them fairly regularly (but DS enjoys maths). It's been a tough road, this subject...It makes me sad that he feels dejected now.

OP posts:
curaçao · 04/10/2023 19:39

Using a short pencil is not a disability!! Get a grip!

Original poster
Yellowcakestand · 04/10/2023 21:14

Thanks for everyone's input....some is interesting!
Most people assume this teacher is a female. It isn't.

This teacher takes the class for maths, like I said, no problem with that subject. DS enjoys numbers.
He can read well but has to be encouraged a lot to do this. Writing however he gets extremely frustrated and upset with. He point blank will not engage in this at home, no matter how I try. The past 3 years teachers have had plans in place in regards to his avoidance tactics.

Interestingly my brother has dyspraxia. School inclusion team aren't worried about any LD or neuro issues.

I'd previously said I wasn't looking to complain or report the teacher but to let them know that for DS this will likely make him disengage from this subject/teacher after so much effort has been put in over the last year to get him to even take part.

Noone knows the situation and it may or may not be relevant but in regards to the snowflake comment, yes, of course I am trying to make my son learn to be more resilient. He struggles with his emotions. He was having inclusion sessions last year at school for this reason. They have now stopped. He has had a family support worker pre school and had a DV child's worker at school from an external agency in year 2.

As it's a day later I feel it's now too late to comment to school about this. Yes was small but it was a big thing to DS yesterday. It's the third time he has told me something about this teacher so I will just check in with him and play it by ear x

OP posts:
curaçao · 04/10/2023 21:24

If you complain to the school about such a non event, what do you thinknthey will actually do apart from laugh at you behind your back

Callyem · 04/10/2023 21:29

Agree with the poster who mentioned sharpening pencils down deliberately. Happens ALL the time and if I had a pound for every time I heard a child say 'I write neater with it', when they do not - they are just concentrating more on it because of the novelty value.

I don't know if this is what your DC is doing or if it was genuine but it's certainly VERY common!

Knivesandforks · 04/10/2023 21:37

My ds is sensitive to things like that but honestly it wasn't a horrible comment, may have some truth to it abd you need to work on resilience for your son. Lots of horrible things will be unfortunately said to him in childhood its how he deals with it that will make a difference. Explain resilience and perseverance to him,model it and reward it .
No I would not tell a reacher that a nothing comment like that had upset my child.

BlueIgIoo · 04/10/2023 21:53

Callyem · 04/10/2023 21:29

Agree with the poster who mentioned sharpening pencils down deliberately. Happens ALL the time and if I had a pound for every time I heard a child say 'I write neater with it', when they do not - they are just concentrating more on it because of the novelty value.

I don't know if this is what your DC is doing or if it was genuine but it's certainly VERY common!

Agree completely with this and I think it's worth bearing in mind if you don't work with LKS2 children you might not be aware of this particular annoyance! It's a definite 'thing' and I am pretty short with the culprits because it's a waste of time and resources. Might not apply to the OP's son, but it could well be a common issue in the class.

SausageinaBun · 04/10/2023 21:55

Your DS sounds like my DD, she's also 8. She has dysgraphia. We've worked hard on her handwriting - it's legible and about the right size. But it's slow and seems to cause anxiety and discomfort. She now uses a computer for longer pieces of writing in school and for her homework. The difference is remarkable. Her in school typed work is full of the punctuation and vocabulary they've learnt at school, I had no idea she could do any of that. Homework is no longer a battle. It's a relatively easy additional need to have as a computer can completely overcome it.

We're really lucky that she's got a diagnosis. I don't think her school would have pushed for one as she's just on the bottom edge of average for writing, which is very much good enough for the school.

AlltheFs · 04/10/2023 22:04

SpringIntoChaos · 04/10/2023 07:38

Wow 😮 you really don't like teachers do you? 😨

Show quote history

I don’t like shit teachers and there’s a lot of them. About 40% are competent, 60% aren’t. It’s usually those from the 60% shit that get promoted to leadership
roles sadly! Teaching is still the profession defaulted to by people that aren’t very good at their chosen subject.

I gave up being a governor as it was just too depressing a sector to have anything to do with.

Greywhippet · 04/10/2023 22:28

AlltheFs · 04/10/2023 22:04

I don’t like shit teachers and there’s a lot of them. About 40% are competent, 60% aren’t. It’s usually those from the 60% shit that get promoted to leadership
roles sadly! Teaching is still the profession defaulted to by people that aren’t very good at their chosen subject.

I gave up being a governor as it was just too depressing a sector to have anything to do with.

Show quote history

What a stupid comment. Thank god you have given up being a governor!

LucasBall23 · 04/10/2023 23:34

Wow, just wow, some of the comments on here are appalling straight outta pre war, or teachers trying to subvert…..you can’t ever admit some of you can be arseholes to small children can you.

The OP wasn’t asking for advice on her sons writing and any potential issues he may have, he’s 8, sounds like they have been working on it and found something which helps - the shorter pencil. He/she was being spiteful. I don’t think you you need to formally raise anything, just a quiet word should do the trick.

Original poster
Yellowcakestand · 04/10/2023 23:53

Callyem · 04/10/2023 21:29

Agree with the poster who mentioned sharpening pencils down deliberately. Happens ALL the time and if I had a pound for every time I heard a child say 'I write neater with it', when they do not - they are just concentrating more on it because of the novelty value.

I don't know if this is what your DC is doing or if it was genuine but it's certainly VERY common!

I've no idea if DS shortened it deliberately, but is this not better than not doing it at all? 🤷🏼‍♀️ unless it's smaller than his hand, I can see that wouldn't help.

I don't know. I am just concerned about it turning into a backwards step for him. I haven't spoken to him about it since as I dont want to make it a 'thing', he does worry about things at school.

Thanks for the suggestions re dysgraphia. I've had a look and recognise some of the symptoms in him. I'm going to speak with his teacher when she returns about this. It's not been mentioned by school so worth a conversation. :)

OP posts:
shareyo2 · 05/10/2023 01:27

@Yellowcakestand It is worth revisiting this situation with your son. This can be a 5 minute conversation.

It is important you tell your child you believe what he told you about the teacher saying, "no wonder your handwriting isn't neat, writing like that" and that you understand it wasn't the best learning comment for him.
Acknowledge his feelings - that he felt like crying and that it was an upsetting thing to hear.
You might say, "isn't it a pity that teacher wasn't able to say what you needed to hear to help you learn on that occasion".

Let your son know that you believe he was trying his best, and that it was unfortunate the teacher did not praise his effort this time. Then praise him for the effort he made.

Let him know his handwriting can and will improve, but it will take time and effort. Say something like, "you learned to walk/talk and that was tricky at first but he got the hang of it and now he can. All tricky things takes practice".

You may wish to ask the school about what help / support / aids they can provide to help him improve his handwriting and his confidence in it.
You can let them know that he will learn best from encouragement and promotion of a growth mindset (not comments like the one the teacher made). FYI this was not good teaching practice, the comment was mean and if said in front of others potentially humiliating.

Encourage your son toward a growth mindset in general.
Using the word yet helps...

It's tricky to do x, yet with practice you will be able to do it / do it better.
If he says he can't do something, you can say not quite yet, but with practice you will.

You can also make funny comments like "if your handwriting's not the neatest, perhaps you'll become a doctor. Lots of people say doctors have messy handwriting, or a creative? Lots of creative people have messy handwriting. Just try your best and we'll see where it takes you!".

It worked with my child. Handwriting still relatively messy but happy and successful :)

FloraClover · 05/10/2023 02:02

32quietlyshocked · 03/10/2023 23:55

I would agree, however it says in the OP that this teacher does teach him regularly and it isn't just random cover.

Show quote history

but for Maths, which has less writing

FloraClover · 05/10/2023 02:07

OP, yes I would broach it in terms of asking if his writing isn’t at the required level. And then mention that the comment made him feel bad.

Noname123456789 · 05/10/2023 09:39

Yes, mention it to the school in relation to getting your son assessed. My DS has always struggled with handwriting and it was always an issue. Finally in year 5, he was assessed by OT. They asked him to write something and straight away spotted that he has hyper mobility in his hands. It made me sad to think of all the times he’d been told off for his handwriting 😞.

Original poster
Yellowcakestand · 05/10/2023 23:13

shareyo2 · 05/10/2023 01:27

@Yellowcakestand It is worth revisiting this situation with your son. This can be a 5 minute conversation.

It is important you tell your child you believe what he told you about the teacher saying, "no wonder your handwriting isn't neat, writing like that" and that you understand it wasn't the best learning comment for him.
Acknowledge his feelings - that he felt like crying and that it was an upsetting thing to hear.
You might say, "isn't it a pity that teacher wasn't able to say what you needed to hear to help you learn on that occasion".

Let your son know that you believe he was trying his best, and that it was unfortunate the teacher did not praise his effort this time. Then praise him for the effort he made.

Let him know his handwriting can and will improve, but it will take time and effort. Say something like, "you learned to walk/talk and that was tricky at first but he got the hang of it and now he can. All tricky things takes practice".

You may wish to ask the school about what help / support / aids they can provide to help him improve his handwriting and his confidence in it.
You can let them know that he will learn best from encouragement and promotion of a growth mindset (not comments like the one the teacher made). FYI this was not good teaching practice, the comment was mean and if said in front of others potentially humiliating.

Encourage your son toward a growth mindset in general.
Using the word yet helps...

It's tricky to do x, yet with practice you will be able to do it / do it better.
If he says he can't do something, you can say not quite yet, but with practice you will.

You can also make funny comments like "if your handwriting's not the neatest, perhaps you'll become a doctor. Lots of people say doctors have messy handwriting, or a creative? Lots of creative people have messy handwriting. Just try your best and we'll see where it takes you!".

It worked with my child. Handwriting still relatively messy but happy and successful :)

Thank you for this. Yes he actually brought it up today. I did say the other day that I was proud of him for trying his 'very best' and not to worry too much ❤️

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 05/10/2023 23:15

Yellowcakestand · 03/10/2023 23:37

Thank you.
I didn't mean report the teacher for upsetting DS, just to inform teacher that DS struggles massively with this subject, even just staying in the room is a big thing.

Yes you should absolutely do this.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread