Advice re primary teacher words

[Yellowcakestand]

Sorry all, wasn't sure where to put this but wanted others opinions.

DS8 doesn't talk to me about much ar school but this evening he told me that a teacher doesn't like him. DS finds handwriting very difficult and needs lots of continued encouragement to keep to task (feel sorry for his teacher).

Anyway, today his teacher was sick. Another teacher took the class for English. DS was writing with a short pencil which he said was easier for him and said he was trying his "very best". Teacher took the pencil out of his hand and replaced with a long pencil and said in front of the class "no wonder your handwriting isn't neat, writing with that".
Doesn't seem much but enough to DE that he wanted to tell me and that it made him cry in the class but he tried not to.

WWYD? Send an email to school or leave it? I don't want him to disengage completely with English as he has come so far to actually tolerate sitting and attempting to write anything at all! Do I just say can they inform that teacher that a lot of work and effort from other teachers has been put in to get him where he is now? This teacher is deputy head and takes the class for maths so does seen them fairly regularly (but DS enjoys maths). It's been a tough road, this subject...It makes me sad that he feels dejected now.

They already are focusing on the child's writing! If a child is humiliated by a so called 'teacher' in class, then absolutely it should be addressed. Teachers should encourage and facilitate, NOT HUMILIATE! She sounds vile.

Jesus the comments on this thread. The op isn’t suggesting going in and making a big hoo-haa. Her child was upset, if he’s been upset by another pupil pulling him up on learning difficulties I’m sure asking the school about it wouldn’t be seen as unreasonable.

@Yellowcakestand is there an email address for his specific year? I would send something along the lines of ‘X came home rather upset yesterday due to being pulled up on the equipment he used for writing. As we know, X is struggling with handwriting and I’m grateful he has been accommodated so he can partake to the best of his abilities. I appreciate the cover teacher yesterday may not have been briefed on this. Could any substitute teacher please be made aware of this accommodation to avoid any confusion going forward. Many thanks, X Mum’

I would make an appointment and say you have 2 points to raise

1 - Ds gets the impression that you don't like him, he us very upset and it makes him anxious about coming to school- how do you see the situation and how can you work to address this?

2 - Ds is struggling with writing, how are you addressing this and how can we support this at home. Also note that the current approach is not working and making him more anxious.

If your son struggles this much with handwriting, then I would definitely advise looking into dyspraxia. There are also various practical aids for handwriting like ergonomic pencil grips and so on.

Perhaps the teacher genuinely thought it would be easier for him with a longer pencil, but a) they were wrong and should have asked him what he found most comfortable and b) they shouldn't have pulled him up like that in front of the class. I'm sure they were unaware that there were particular sensitivities around the subject for him, though, so I think a conversation with the teacher - nothing confrontational, just a 'I'm sure you didn't mean to upset DS so I just wanted you to be aware that he struggles a lot with handwriting and he's done a lot work to try and find things that help him, and he finds it easier to control a shorter pencil. It's taken a long time to get him this far, and I know you wouldn't want to set things back' etc

I have dyspraxia. My handwriting is actually fine but there were other 'simple' physical things I really struggled to learn when I was little and I can vividly remember being told off for not trying when I was actually doing my absolute best to (eg) learn to tie a bow or remember the actions for a song or something.

I also think that when a child is good at one thing (like maths in your son's case) then teachers are sometimes less tolerant of them being bad at another thing and assume they just aren't trying. I remember in my first year at secondary school really struggling with a geography task involving the kind of spatial information I find almost impossible to process and being told by my teacher that 'This would be acceptable if you were in the remedial class but for a girl like you in the top set, this is just laziness. I won't have you pretending to be stupid to get away with not putting any work in.'

I would say something. Not in a 'complaining' sort of way, but just to make the school aware that this particular teacher may need additional training in that area. I have a spelling dyslexic child who has awful, often illegible handwriting, slow process speed and underdeveloped motor skills. It's all related. He is 15 now and it isn't going to change despite years of intervention, so he does a lot of work on a laptop. Thankfully, all of his current teachers are very understanding about it, but his Y5 teacher was horrific. Constant shaming and putting him down in class for something he really couldn't help. Spelling tests were his worst nightmare as they passed them to another child for marking and he never got more than 3 out of 10 correct and even then no one could read them. Children are all different. Singling them out like that won't suddenly make them better at handwriting (or spelling), it'll just knock their confidence even lower.

Amazing how the child ‘should be more robust’ or ‘more resilient’ according to some people in these situations.

What a sad, adultist way to look at this. I’d suggest instead that the adult be more compassionate.

Just speak to the teacher yourself to give them that message. I don’t think it warrants reporting them.

I would let this one go - it sounds like she just thought he needed a better pencil. She wouldn't know about his writing difficulties.

If he is upset about not being able to write well (I must say my 8 year old couldn't give a crap which is probably why his writing is a mess) you could pursue the suggestions on this thread

This is how I interpreted it. Teacher didn’t blame the student, but the equipment chosen.

I'd have a word in person and let her know how demotivated he is without mentioning her comment. That way you focus on him and you can approach it as a team - and it doesn't need to be an issue about her, which risks getting her back up if she's that sort of character. Poor little thing.

You need to explain to your DS that by blaming the pencil and not him the teacher was saying a good/helpful thing. Acknowledge that he was upset, but explain gently that he misunderstood.

In the nicest possibke way you are raising a snowflake.
He needs to toughen up a bit, no wonder so many young people suffer anxiety nowadays because they havent learned to roll with , well not even the punches, but even the most gentle crititicism

Oh sod off with the ‘snowflake’ ableism. Kids are and have always been acutely aware when they’re struggling in areas that their classmates are not. It’s not ‘being a snowflake’ when these difficulties are pointed out publicly and causes embarrassment. It’s the teachers job to be accommodating, not to force all children to work in exactly the same manner even if it makes their job harder.

Sounds needlessly controlling of the teacher.

What a sad comment. Yes let’s teach our children to stuff down their feelings and to put up with insensitive people in positions of power 🙄 The problem with this attitude is, over time it just teaches the child to have zero empathy for others. As is displayed here in this comment so well.

There is, of course, something to be said for “letting go” of certain minor situations that are upsetting. However, that needs to come from within the child and not from the belief that getting upset by something means there is something wrong with him or her.

what do you mean ablism? Where does the OP say he has a disability.
The teacher was saying his pencil was making his handwriting worse! I am guessing if she was close enough to take the pencil out of his hand she circulating the class as she made the comment not announcing it to all and sundry. You think she should have left all teh children alone and taken him out into the corridor to ask him to swap pencils?
You ae hilarious!

Her son is struggling with a part of educational expectations. He has an adaption in place to help him with this. But your whole post in general stinks of ableism, ‘snowflakes’ is a classic line used by those who deny SEN is even a thing.

So the teacher standing in for the usual teacher showed your son how to correctly hold a pencil?

Tbh, I'd also hope his regular teacher is working on that as well.

Presumably his regular teacher is already working on his writing? Maybe have another word at parents' evening about what is being put in place to work on his handwriting difficulties.

You could contact the substitute teacher to say that your son felt he was being criticized unfairly, but nothing you've said about the interaction says that he was tbh.

The OP hasn't mentioned adaptations.

Changing the subject entirely for a moment, @Yellowcakestand your ds isn't hypermobile at all, is he? That can make holding and using a pencil or pen very difficult for some.

She said using the short pencil help him complete his work better, and it was the teacher insisting on changing this that caused the upset in the first place. It’s an adaptation for him, this may not be a full
SEN/EHCP situation but it is about making small changes and considerations simply to keep a child working to the best of their abilities. The teacher didn’t need to interfere with this.

Teachers are human and say thoughtless things sometimes.

Maybe some of you have upset people unintentionally in your life at some point too, so you know how easily it can happen.

Sometimes the child misinterprets an innocent comment that was not meant unkindly in any way.

Really, this was a very minor thing and not worth 'having a word.' I think this is why the buzz word amongst educational psychologists right now is 'resilience'. Kids and parents don't have any.

The teacher probably did the right thing giving your ds a pencil that was the right length but she clearly didn’t do it very nicely or your ds wouldn’t have been upset and wanted to cry. I think it’s worth an email. If she’s the kind of teacher than usually thinks it’s ok to say things that have the potential to embarrass children then there’s nothing wrong with being ‘that parent’ and making sure she directs her comments elsewhere next time.

This. You're being ridiculous.