Bit disappointed about colleague/acquaintance

[Codie22345]

Started working for a large company, I'd been told a friend of a friend works here, but it seemed she would be in a different part of the building. I have met her several times, last time was maybe a year ago. She's also good friends with my old colleague.
Anyway I saw her by chance yesterday morning in the toilets. I asked her how she was and told her I was pleased to see her, that it was funny we both worked here now etc. She just smiled casually said good to see you and walked off straight away before I could ask her any more questions. She didn't look too fussed. I went to look for her during lunch but couldn't see her.
Then earlier I saw she just walked right past me, didn't seem fussed about stopping to have a quick chat,she didn't see that I'd seen her.
I mean I know she doesn't owe me anything, and hasn't done anything wrong. Nobody's saying we should be best friends, but she's just making it clear she's not interested in speaking to me, not even a quick polite chat.
Just worried it'll make things awkward. Won't see her every day, but in case. I know nobody has to like everyone, I don't think I was ever rude or anything to her previously. I guess it's a bit disappointing but hopefully I'll make new friends here.

I think she’s probably just setting boundaries in that she’s not going to be your friend just because you have mutual friends. I wouldn’t worry about it and just forge your own path there and meet people independently.

Yeah, I am a bit sensitive. Fair enough like I say nobody owes anyone friendship. She's been friendly with my partner in the past too including hanging out and such, I guess she just doesn't like me for whatever reason. I'll just focus on other people.

Just hoping I don't have to work directly with her.

How friendly with your partner? Maybe she's jealous.

They don't really see each other any more but she was friends with him and his friends, they still have mutual friends.

It doesn't necessarily sound as though she doesn't like you. Some people like to keep their work and social personas completely separate. Is it the kind of job where she'd want to keep a strict professional attitude, and maybe doesn't want to mix friends from her private life into her professional world?

She's an acquaintance not a friend, maybe she does not do workplace friendships.

I'd have been put off by this too. However, perhaps she is really busy with work at the moment and just wanted to get back to her desk.

Are you sure she’s not just really busy?

I really wouldn't overthink it. I'm a person who keeps work and life separate, and I'm also abysmal at small talk. If a friend of a friend got a job in my work I'd say hello and wish them good luck, but certainly wouldn't seek them out or expect to have lunch with them
Just focus on getting on with the rest of your team

Well if it was me who did that it would be because I didn't know who you were! And wouldn't matter if I'd met you a few times before I would recognise you out of context.
Did you say your name to her?

Why did you go to look for her during lunch, OP?

She's a friend of a friend - ie. an acquaintance. I would lighten up a bit and settle into the company on your own terms.

From what you said it doesn’t sound like she dislikes you it just sounds like she greeted you like any other colleague. You thought she’d be more friendly and took it badly. I’m guessing she wanted to establish that she was only looking for a good workplace relationship and not a new friendship. In one management job I had, my son was there as a temp worker, we went out of our way not to be chatty in work and he was told to speak to the other manager rather than me if he needed any assistance

You're taking this way too personally. She's been perfectly polite, but would clearly like to keep work and outside friendships separately. Why would you now hope you don't have to work directly with her?

I think you're getting really worked up! Working in the same place doesn't automatically take your relationship from acquaintance to friend level. Continue saying hi and be friendly with everyone, don't overthink it.

In her old job they all used to socialise together. That said, apparently she fell out with an ex colleague in the other job and decided to be more private. I'll try to not overthink.

Yeah she recognised me as she said my name. Anyway I'll try to not analyse it and move on.

I don't think there is anything in what you said to indicate that she doesn't like you! Just because you know people in common doesn't mean to her that she has any connection with you personally. I'd be a bit freaked out if someone was looking for me. She just wants to stay professional in the office. Which is completely normal and fine and not anything to do with you personally so there is no need to take it that way. It won't be awkward unless you have a load of expectations and make a load of assumptions

Yes, I think you were hoping for waaay too much from a mere acquaintance you last saw a year ago and have only met a few times! What were you expecting? Because I wonder if that’s the issue — it was clear from the (rather over-friendly? Anxious?) way you talked to her in the loo (let alone went looking for her at lunch) that you were wanting some reciprocal behaviour from her, and she was possibly a bit non-plussed, if someone she barely knew clearly wanted some kind of ongoing work friendship…?.

Yes, but no indication at all she doesn’t like you, just a mismatch of expectations.

I have met her quite a few times and spoken, I didn't mean I spent my entire lunch looking, just had a quick look. Anyway I will lower expectations and just forget it

Did she definitely recognise you? As I am terrible at this. I can never remember my husbands friends he has to reintroduce me in a whisper each time (I think I’m face blind).

I just think if it was someone I knew, I'd at least show a bit of interest and ask about them, not just walk off. It's just different people though.

I think I’m probably a bit like her on my office days to be honest. I used to be a super fun colleague, always up for a gossip in the kitchen and first to suggest drinks after work. Now I’ve got small children to drop off and pick up, and I have to be a lot more efficient during the working day and very strict about what time I leave the office. I try to be polite but I probably come across as a bit short or not overly friendly - it’s simply that I don’t have time for chat. She might have something similar going on (even if she doesn’t have children to pick up, there are lots of other reasons someone might need to be strict about their working time) and it’s absolutely nothing to do with you.

You're over thinking it. You hardly know her and she said hello.