To give up work

[ColumbiaorMagenta]

I have 2 children and I've recently gone back to work in the field I was in before having them - previously I'd just done tearoom/cafe low stress work.

I hate it. DD (18 months) now has to go to nursery and it's 3.40am and I can't sleep as I'm already stressed about the rig-moral of getting us both out the door by 7am. My job only really brings in "pocket money" DH pays all the bills.

I'm thinking of quitting for the sake of my mental health and looking again when she's a year or so older.

Would I be making a mistake doing this?

The number of posts here suggesting that her husband needn’t be involved in the subject is staggering.

This needs to be a family decision, not unilateral.

I'd say quit it. You don't like it and if you're OK without your bit of money you've got nothing to loose. You can get a another job at any point in the future.

If you hate it and your husband is happy for you to stay at home a bit longer, do it. Your child will have left home all too soon so enjoy it. I currently have no choice but to work in the job I’m in, but as soon as I can I will be moving on to something less stressful.

Quit the job. Enjoy your children's young years. As you can afford to do this, do it.
It'll be a joyous time.

You can always return to work in a few years time.

What would change in a year or so? Especially if a reason why you are so stressed is because DH is leaving everything to you in the mornings.

Also, what does DH think? He has to be ok with it too.

I'd give it time personally, you've only just gone back but then I'd never advise anyone to be a SAHP to be honest.

I urge you to seriously consider giving it up. You can and will get another job when you need/ want to. I have been there and done that and regret not having time with my children. I didn’t do the parent thing properly because I was so stressed out about work … and didn’t do the work thing properly because I was trying to sort out the kids. You will get something for you later. Career isn’t everything. The regret now my ‘kids’ are 30 and 25. Live how you want to … not what you think society is telling you to do x

Wonders where all these easy to get jobs are....

Thanks everyone. I'm so unhappy it's making me unwell. One girl in particular at work too picks at everything I do.. it's just not a happy environment.

I bring home less than £1000 and DH is on 60k which is set to rise, he's more or less said if I'm not happy then leave as my money goes towards literally nothing to do with the house, cars or groceries.

Glad you have come back OP, was worried we'd scared you off.

At the end of the day, and as this thread has proven, it's SUCH a personal and complex decision to make. Keep talking to your DH and please put your immediate health first. I hope you're soon feeling better and more hopeful. Good luck 🍀

I was in floods of tears about it last night, and I'm not a crier as a rule so it took DH back a bit. He owns his own business and said he would be devastated if he knew a member of staff was coming home in the state I was, whatever it was about.

The manager is perfectly nice.. but I just don't like it. I had the worst stomach pains I've had in years yesterday and I'm sure now it was stress/anxiety.

I have to 45 mins to get there, then I have to drive to a different end of town to drop DD off, park up which is difficult to find and then walk 10 mins before I even start work. We're meant to start at 8.45 and I'm happy to be there for 8.40 to get my scrubs on and make a drink before 8.45... but everyone else gets there about 8.10 to get ready and class starting on time as being late.. I'm not starting earlier if I'm not paid? It's only £11.25 an hour I'm on as it is.

Some of the staff are lovely but one is always picking at me. I've been out of the industry longer than I was in it, and a lot has changed. They are always telling me what I'm not doing.. never what I'm doing right. I don't feel on the same wavelength as them at all.

My old job id just turn up on time, do my job and go. No stress, no CPD to do, none of this hassle. I've had depression before and I honestly feel like I'm starting to go down that road, on the verge of tears all the time.

DH says just leave it's not worth being unhappy but then I don't want to not have any money at all. I so wish I'd just stayed at my old job.

I'd leave in that case. But I'd look for another job that I'd be happier in.

I've applied for a few receptionist and tearoom jobs, and I'm going to send my old boss an email today and ask him to think of me before advertising if they ever need staff again x

I'm not saying either way op but this idea that paid employment is the only way one can seek personal validation, have any self esteem (because you're not a loser leech one assumes), friends etc. because respectable people don't hang out with people who don't work, DH won't end up shagging someone at work because I'm so boring., that it's the only way for your child to grow up well rounded and respecting you is frankly ridiculous (not all said here bit a rough amalgamation of similar posts)

I don't work for various child related reasons. My friends from School and Uno haven't diched me for being such a terrible woman. School run friends are a mixed bag, no judgment. My self esteem is as good as it ever was. He's no more likely to have an affair than he ever was and we have plenty to talk about. My kids see how hard we both work around the house doing child and house work. They see Daddy go to work every day. They see me volunteer in two different roles and know I'm studying at Uni.

Op do what's right for you as a family, but make sure a. you're not struggling because he's being a useless partner b. you have access to money.

I have £20k in personal savings that are completely my own, so if worst comes to worst, I can live off those for a while. I just don't like to go into them if I can avoid it.

I like to have a job, as in I like to have a little part time job I can just turn up to and do. This job is too stressful and for the sake of 80p above minimum wage it's too much upset when my children are so little. I can feel I'm not engaging with them like my usual self cos I'm in another world thinking about work.

Part of me is like do I give it until Christmas.. or July when my registration I've paid for runs out,, or give it time. But I can feel each week it's chipping away at my happiness.

Sharing my experience. When my DS was 5 months old, I returned to work in a well paid, stressful job. I have always regretted not taking more time for those precious early years. Had I my time over, I would have been a SAHM for as long as I could possibly afford it. He’s now grown up and we have a fabulous relationship. He didn’t suffer as he went to a lovely nursery where he made friends that he has to this day. It was just me who feels I missed so much of those precious early years. Also, your mental health is so important to consider. Best of luck.

Looking after your own children is hardly "embracing unemployment".

The absolute best years of my life by a million miles were the years before my children started school. I had never imagined life could be so good until then, and it was on balance worth the financial hit when I divorced later.

Agree it's difficult to get back into a profession after time out

But OP works in hospitality, in which case I imagine it wouldn't be too difficult to return later

There might be other valid reasons to continue working, but I don't think this applies here

I've only worked in hospitality since having children, which I like. This job is in healthcare

Well first of all (because I’ve been there), nursery cost v’s what you earn - means it pointless working. You’re basically paying someone else to look after your kids while you work for just over minimum wage, leaves you working for about £3-4 per hour (and that’s if it’s only 1 child attending nursery). No job is worth making you feel like that, so if you don’t enjoy it and your husband is supporting your decision to leave, I would definitely leave.

You say you’re in healthcare now, why don’t you see if you can enrol in you local NHS Trust’s Bank? If you work a Sunday shift - it’s nearly double time, so you would be getting around £220 per shift… do that as and when you need a little cash top up - presuming your husband doesn’t work weekends, you wouldn’t even need to pay for childcare.

I’m in a different industry now but stayed on the Bank if I feel I need a little extra cash, and I do enjoy healthcare so wanted to keep my hand in.

My advice would be to leave and get rid of that mental load…will feel like a weight has been lifted

I gave up work for a year, from just after my second turned 2 till just after he turned 3. I'm so glad I had extra time with him, it relieved pressure not just on me but on my husband (he was doing his teacher training year at the time), and I left a job I hated and went back to a job I enjoy at an equivalent wage but better hours.

While I appreciate what everyone say about financial independence I had just financially supported my husband through a 4 year degree, he supported me through maternity leave and then this extra year at home. Obviously it depends on your relationship, but for us it doesn't matter who earns what, we're a team and we combine all income, have the same monthly 'pocket money' and agree big purchases together.

I've been offered a flexible job at a pub for £1.25 more than I'm on at this job..