Page 2 | Would this put you off? Casual fat shaming..

Xyzzzzzz · 2023-10-01T23:25:59+00:00

I’ve been on a few dates with somebody. We were getting on but I feel put off after this evenings date. We went for a meal. When we got back in the car after he casually started talking about the couple sat behind us. He was laughing at the fact they ordered a Diet Pepsi with their food and then apparently one of them said ‘I’ll never eat all this’ when their food arrived and he found that funny too. He ‘looks like they haven’t had a problem finishing their food before’. Aibu to be put off by this casual fat shaming of strangers and also I never even noticed what they ordered or listened to what they were saying, he was clearly listening in and being nosy.

SmileyClare · 02/10/2023 07:41

You don’t win any brownie points with me by posting on here about it. It’s a tiny bit pious 😂

Id respect you more if you’d simply said something at the time if you thought his joke was in bad taste.

Perhaps this relationship is a non starter?

-You don’t feel comfortable enough to speak your mind
-He spent a lot of the date looking over your shoulder at other couples.

Doingmybest12 · 02/10/2023 07:55

Sounds abit juvenile to me and the date must've been very dull if this is his take home from the evening.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 02/10/2023 07:59

Regardless on what you decide you should tell him that fat shaming is out of order. He might just of been nervous and trying to make you laugh, especially if inexperienced or young, he could also just be a dick only you know.

bulbarsaurus · 02/10/2023 08:19

Tbh my mind works like that and I can remember DH was shocked on the first date. He is still with me 10 years later. I have a very pessimistic view on life, he is very optimistic and we just work! I agree body shaming isn't nice, but at the same time we need to stop normalising being grossly overweight. I think over the last 10 years there has been a massive shift in what a normal weight looks like. The majority of people I see sat on the bus, walking around the supermarket or at my office are clinically obese. Even people that you think are just a little bit overweight are probably in this category (picture a man with a bit of a beer belly). I used to be very overweight and one day I looked in the mirror and told myself I have had enough. Some people will say it's none of my business but the fact is that obesity causes massive amounts of health issues from diabetes - and it's complications of eye, kidney and nerve damage. Heart attacks, strokes, chronic pain and joint problems due to the weight burden. Infertility due to adipose tissue releasing too much oestrogen and disrupting ovulation. And all of these things cost the NHS billions along with taking up several appointments that could be used for other people. If we had a private healthcare system and forced people to pay for extra room on flights then people could be whatever size they want and not bother anyone. It's just the entitlement that annoys me.

OP give him another chance. We all have views that aren't politically correct 100% of the time. Even the best of us. No one is perfect and I bet everyone on this thread has something they hide from others. If him being fatphobic is a deal breaker for you then I definitely wouldn't see him again but it's completely your choice!

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 02/10/2023 08:40

Yes it would definitely put me off. I’d end it.

Branleuse · 02/10/2023 08:43

Yes I'd be massively put off by this. How cringey and unkind

KimberleyClark · 02/10/2023 08:45

Don’t waste another date on him!

anareen · 02/10/2023 08:45

I notice things like this too. I think it's very telling of someone's character. I wouldn't give him the time of day anymore

aurynne · 02/10/2023 09:02

This is how he will talk about you to his mates if you ever dare to put on some weight.

Send him back to the sewer he came from.

amusedbush · 02/10/2023 09:19

Yes, it would put me off. It's rude and juvenile, and I'm willing to bet if you stay with him, he'll soon feel comfortable picking at your appearance.

Although, the fat shaming is a bit of a red herring here; I'd dump him whether it was that or ridiculing someone for wearing cheap/shabby clothes, or laughing at a speech impediment. That sort of judgement is off-putting and I'd never trust anyone who openly mocked people to my face. If they'll bitch about people to you, they'll bitch about you to other people.

Conkersinautumn · 02/10/2023 09:22

He sounds very dull as well as cruel. Still at dating and he's run out of anything interesting to tall about.

LegendsBeyond · 02/10/2023 09:25

People look at others & judge them all the time. Most people don’t share those thoughts with others though, so it’s a bit strange that he did that. I think people are being holier than thou in claiming they never judge others though.

cornflakesandtea · 02/10/2023 09:25

P3anutbutt3r · 02/10/2023 00:42

And this is why fat people like myself miss out on various occasions because we are too embarrassed to be seen eating in public.

I also drink coke zero. Preferable taste to full fat coke.

Haven't RTFT, but this...
I went to a wedding reception a few weeks ago and people kept asking me if I wasn't eating. I hate eating in front of people because I'm worried that others will judge what I eat, how much I eat, and god forbid I spill something down myself because it makes me look like a fat, horrible slob.

JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 02/10/2023 09:33

bulbarsaurus · 02/10/2023 08:19

Tbh my mind works like that and I can remember DH was shocked on the first date. He is still with me 10 years later. I have a very pessimistic view on life, he is very optimistic and we just work! I agree body shaming isn't nice, but at the same time we need to stop normalising being grossly overweight. I think over the last 10 years there has been a massive shift in what a normal weight looks like. The majority of people I see sat on the bus, walking around the supermarket or at my office are clinically obese. Even people that you think are just a little bit overweight are probably in this category (picture a man with a bit of a beer belly). I used to be very overweight and one day I looked in the mirror and told myself I have had enough. Some people will say it's none of my business but the fact is that obesity causes massive amounts of health issues from diabetes - and it's complications of eye, kidney and nerve damage. Heart attacks, strokes, chronic pain and joint problems due to the weight burden. Infertility due to adipose tissue releasing too much oestrogen and disrupting ovulation. And all of these things cost the NHS billions along with taking up several appointments that could be used for other people. If we had a private healthcare system and forced people to pay for extra room on flights then people could be whatever size they want and not bother anyone. It's just the entitlement that annoys me.

OP give him another chance. We all have views that aren't politically correct 100% of the time. Even the best of us. No one is perfect and I bet everyone on this thread has something they hide from others. If him being fatphobic is a deal breaker for you then I definitely wouldn't see him again but it's completely your choice!

You can have a “pessimistic view on life” or even think fat people are the sole cause of the NHS failing without making cunty comments, smirking and sniggering to your friend / partner about the fatties eating in the corner. Do you go and laugh at ugly people buying make up too?

sillysausagesandra1 · 02/10/2023 09:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Darkmode2 · 02/10/2023 09:37

theGooHasGone · 02/10/2023 00:33

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.

😅 what a load of bullshit that is

bulbarsaurus · 02/10/2023 09:42

@JohnFinlaysNewTeeth Who said those people are ugly. Isn't everyone beautiful? And I do laugh at the women who have fillers, Botox and slap it on with a trowel because frankly they look ridiculous. I feel sorry for how our generation has filled young girls heads with all the rubbish that comes out of love island and they feel like they have to do these things to themselves. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

LodiDodi · 02/10/2023 09:47

I wouldn't go out with someone like this. Tedious and unpleasant.

ichifanny · 02/10/2023 09:48

Bulbasaurus .. what a highly unpleasant person you are . Bet you are one of those people who ‘tells it like it is ‘ ie a horrible cunt .

GladioliandSweetPeas · 02/10/2023 09:48

As a fat person myself (due to prescribed steroids before anyone has a go), whe. You dump him - PLEASE tell him exactly why. People like him need calling out.

He sounds like one of them horrible little men who mock innocent people on Facebook & Instagram

LadyT27 · 02/10/2023 09:50

This would be a big no from me. That would be it, goodbye!

Completely shows he is not a nice person. Judgemental little shit. Why do people feel the need to comment on other peoples appearance.

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 02/10/2023 10:09

Conkersinautumn · 02/10/2023 09:22

He sounds very dull as well as cruel. Still at dating and he's run out of anything interesting to tall about.

This is a good point - even if the comments were acceptable (which they aren’t), they’re pretty dismal, dull attempts at wit.

PandaExpress · 02/10/2023 11:30

bulbarsaurus · 02/10/2023 08:19

Tbh my mind works like that and I can remember DH was shocked on the first date. He is still with me 10 years later. I have a very pessimistic view on life, he is very optimistic and we just work! I agree body shaming isn't nice, but at the same time we need to stop normalising being grossly overweight. I think over the last 10 years there has been a massive shift in what a normal weight looks like. The majority of people I see sat on the bus, walking around the supermarket or at my office are clinically obese. Even people that you think are just a little bit overweight are probably in this category (picture a man with a bit of a beer belly). I used to be very overweight and one day I looked in the mirror and told myself I have had enough. Some people will say it's none of my business but the fact is that obesity causes massive amounts of health issues from diabetes - and it's complications of eye, kidney and nerve damage. Heart attacks, strokes, chronic pain and joint problems due to the weight burden. Infertility due to adipose tissue releasing too much oestrogen and disrupting ovulation. And all of these things cost the NHS billions along with taking up several appointments that could be used for other people. If we had a private healthcare system and forced people to pay for extra room on flights then people could be whatever size they want and not bother anyone. It's just the entitlement that annoys me.

OP give him another chance. We all have views that aren't politically correct 100% of the time. Even the best of us. No one is perfect and I bet everyone on this thread has something they hide from others. If him being fatphobic is a deal breaker for you then I definitely wouldn't see him again but it's completely your choice!

So do you sit and analyse how much each person in the room might eventually cost the NHS by every decision they make? What about people who play sports or walkers? Do you worry yourself that they might injure themselves and end up with a long term injury that will cost thousands to treat? Do you wonder how many alcoholic drinks diners have consumed and if they are keeping within a healthy range all the time? What about people who add salt to their food, do you mutter about heart disease under your breath? Sounds like a fun time!
Just stop. It's not for the general public i.e you, to calculate what your fellow humans might cost the NHS at some point in the future. You know stress is the silent killer. Maybe you should stop concerning yourself about other people's choices and get a more positive mindset.

nodogz · 02/10/2023 16:05

Nah, I dont want to spend my time with someone who looks down on others to make themselves feel superior. Nope. Wouldn't be for me.

It's just not very kind or genuine and the older I get the more I value those qualities

PotOfViolas · 02/10/2023 16:40

bulbarsaurus · 02/10/2023 08:19

Tbh my mind works like that and I can remember DH was shocked on the first date. He is still with me 10 years later. I have a very pessimistic view on life, he is very optimistic and we just work! I agree body shaming isn't nice, but at the same time we need to stop normalising being grossly overweight. I think over the last 10 years there has been a massive shift in what a normal weight looks like. The majority of people I see sat on the bus, walking around the supermarket or at my office are clinically obese. Even people that you think are just a little bit overweight are probably in this category (picture a man with a bit of a beer belly). I used to be very overweight and one day I looked in the mirror and told myself I have had enough. Some people will say it's none of my business but the fact is that obesity causes massive amounts of health issues from diabetes - and it's complications of eye, kidney and nerve damage. Heart attacks, strokes, chronic pain and joint problems due to the weight burden. Infertility due to adipose tissue releasing too much oestrogen and disrupting ovulation. And all of these things cost the NHS billions along with taking up several appointments that could be used for other people. If we had a private healthcare system and forced people to pay for extra room on flights then people could be whatever size they want and not bother anyone. It's just the entitlement that annoys me.

OP give him another chance. We all have views that aren't politically correct 100% of the time. Even the best of us. No one is perfect and I bet everyone on this thread has something they hide from others. If him being fatphobic is a deal breaker for you then I definitely wouldn't see him again but it's completely your choice!

Your poor dh. Must be wearing for him listening to you bitching. Hopefully he's learned to tune it out. You sound like you'd have got on well with OP's bitchy date.