AIBU to expect a party invite for DS?

[Blueskiesarenice]

My DS has a best friend, they’ve been best friends for approx 4 years, in the same class at school and always having play dates, sleepovers etc.

Due to their friendship, his mum and I have became friends and just over a year ago she came to work for my business. Shortly after she joined I went on maternity leave. She took on a senior role with the view of running / growing the business whilst I was away.

Towards the end of my maternity leave it became clear things weren’t going well at work. I was told the business would make a loss next year if nothing changed. The senior team proposed a restructure and a number of redundancies. My friend was part of these discussions and knew her job was at risk.

Though I’ve not been at work when things went downhill and I wasn’t responsible for the restructure, I did approve it as it seemed the only option for the business and therefore my friend was made redundant.

She has taken this very badly, even her husband has sent me horrible messages.

But what’s shocked me most of all, is her son told my DS at school that he’s not allowed to have a play date with my DS ever again and he’s not allowed to have my DS to his birthday party. Both her son and my DS ended up crying about this in school.

Turns out my ‘friend’ has already invited all the kids in the class to her son’s birthday party and excluded my DS. My DS is heartbroken. Sounds like hers is too.

What do I do? AIBU to expect her to invite my DS to the birthday party?!

I thought we could sort this out without involving the kids. I get that she’s upset about the job but I don’t feel I had any choice and I don’t believe it’s my fault.

Sorry OP but I don’t know a single business owner who would do that.

I understand wanting time with your baby of course, but if your position is so integral that you needed 3/4/5 (I’m guessing) people to do your role then of course your company would struggle.

And these are people who don’t know the business as well as you, I am guessing, if they’re new?

Honestly one of the most baffling things I’ve ever read on here.

I'm completely puzzled why you spent 250k on a management team to replace you. Were you on a £250k wage?. Honestly Iv never know any business owner just step back and business survive.
Completely baffled why you thought friendship would survive. You friend lost her job and I'm guessing huge fincial impact on family. She probably never wants to see you again so why would she risk inviting dc to party where you have to bring them

It was 4 people on the senior team. 2 people promoted, 2 new hires. I spent 6 months working with them before I went on maternity leave. Had external advice etc. It was really important to me to take a maternity leave. I’d never had one before. Just worked full time after my babies were born. This was the first time I was in a position to take time off. You say it’s baffling but what should i have done?

She blames you because:
It's your business
You employed her
You made her redundant

The old saying, don't mix business with pleasure springs to mind!

YABU

You’re probably right but why would she never want to see me again? I dont understand what I’ve done? The facts are the business went downhill, there wasn’t the money coming in to continue to cover everyone’s wages, so a number of people had to be made redundant. The senior team made the decisions who to keep / who to let go - she was on the senior team. It’s clear she doesn’t want to be friends and lots of people are saying they aren’t surprised, but I’m still confused as to why? I’m also really shocked about the birthday party. The only people getting hurt there are her son and mine.

I don’t know what your business is so it’s hard to say in detail, but in reality I wouldn’t have taken that kind of maternity leave.

I’d have had one complete month off, then 2 further off with regular updates (2 weekly), and then gone back on a part time basis - 2 days per week say - after 3 months and hired a nanny so that home was properly sorted.

Even if I took longer I’d have wanted monthly management accounts completed and sent to me within 6 days of month end, I’d have wanted to see a report on debtors weekly, I’d have wanted weekly cashflows, a flash monthly forecast.

A business owner has a responsibility to their company and staff and you absented yourself from that. You are not an employee - it’s a different kettle of fish.

What actually happened that meant your revenue declined so quickly and so significantly?

But most people who own a business sadly can’t take a good maternity leave and completely step back to be unaware of current business circumstances.

They may be able to distance themselves to allow time with a newborn but every single person I’ve known has had to have a hands on role back in their business in a relatively short time frame. It’s just the nature of running your own company.

I know this thread isn’t about the length of your maternity leave as such, but it is a bit intertwined as you employed a friend in a senior position and then had to make her redundant when the team you put in place didn’t fulfill the expectations of your goals.

Everything merryoldgoat says.

Christ, how long was your mat leave?! It sounds like very poor planning if only a short amount of time has seen your revenue decrease so significantly that redundancies needed to be made when you’d not long promoted and hired?! Equally, maternity leave or not, if my company (which I do have and I’m on mat leave from now) was up shit creek without a paddle like yours, I’d be jumping back in, baby attached to my boob and saving people’s jobs. It doesn’t really add up because you surely had all their salaries plus yours covered for a year minimum before you made these decisions?

I really wanted that time off and planned for it. Waited 7 years to have my baby (big age gap). Went through fertility treatment etc. Like I said, I’d never had a maternity leave before. When I created the senior leadership team including head of finance and head of ops - this is what I expected them to be doing. Revenue is down about 20pc - due to COLC. But costs are up so significantly because of this senior team. Would have been ok if business had grown or stayed the same. But couldn’t continue to cover everyone’s wages with revenue down. That’s why the senior team decided to replace themselves with one senior person. The friend who has been made redundant (along with others) has a 3 month notice period and can apply for the job that is being created. I don’t understand the level of animosity from her.

I actually fear owners like OP. I’m a FM/FD and have been inundated with recruiters trying to get me to ‘rapidly growing’ companies, offering too much money and when you look at the accounts the figures don’t stack up.

’Profitable’ but a massive debtor book, high creditors, loans on the balance sheet and no reserves.

Ignore the business criticism OP. Even if you had made a bad business decision and messed your friend around, I can’t imagine reacting in such an extreme and petty way. If she doesn’t want to be your friend fair enough but upsetting her own child over it is extreme.

I’ve had a year maternity leave. Everyone’s salaries have been covered for that year. And for the 6 months prior to me going on Mat leave when I was doing a thorough handover. And they’re covered for the next 3 months too. If the business had grown (as it had been) or even stayed the same it would have been fine to sustain them all long term. And again, I didn’t make these decisions. This is what the senior team presented to me at the end of my mat leave. I went with their recommendations as it made sense.

Well she's just shot herself in the foot, hasn't she? In your position there is no way I would hire her if she applied for the single senior position after this behaviour. Although maybe she assumes one of the others is a shoo-in?

No debts, no loans. It was a profitable business, it’s just that I invested that profit to pay a senior leadership team so that I could spend time with my new baby.

You are not owed anything

Sorry OP but a year long maternity leave is extraordinary for a business owner. Without involvement.

This is why you’re in the position that you are. The business couldn’t support the salaries of the new management team in place, coupled with revenue being down.

You sound shocked by your business situation and shocked by your friend’s reaction. But there’s been a lot of naivety on your part. Of course it’s sad for your child to be involved in the cross fire of this but you just need to move forward and try and limit the damage for them from you mixing business and friendship which doesn’t work as you are now experiencing.

So your friend was one of the senior managers who created and presented to you this rescue plan for your business but she's angry you approved the rescue plan... that she helped create? I am wondering if she was hoping that instead of all the senior team being made redundant and asked to reapply for a single position, she was maybe hoping you would approve the plan and then immediately hire her for the remaining senior position without going through an official search process? That's the only interpretation I can think of that makes any sense.

I find your naivety staggering/ both in terms of running the business and your responsibility as a business owner to your employees- and also towards how your friend feels.
with the benefit of hindsight you would have been best in a paye type job where you could take extended maternity leave in a large business without a backward glance.
do often struggle to understand things from a different perspective?

I feel like you didn’t deal with it well from an employer point of view- how did you deal with it with your friend? Presumably you were seeing her regularly through your maternity leave? Did you not spot something was amiss?

So hang on, are/were these senior managers on fixed term contracts? Why would you employ them permanently when you were on leave for only a year?

Salary covered for a year so at 9 months you say ‘sadly business is not performing as you all know so be advised contract is ending in 3 months - thanks for everything - if you find something sooner I’m happy to let you go earlier’

Just none of this makes sense to me. I’m sorry OP. I know it must be hard but I just can’t understand any of your thought processes.

4 people on £60k each a year to replace one person seems utterly insane.

So you are saying the management structure and job posts you created were unsustainable? Buck stops with you on that one I’m afraid.

Your friend/ employee could have risen above being made redundant and still maintained her friendship with your family- but I can see why that could be a hard pill to swallow

Op, you say you are confused by this, am I right in thinking you didn’t actually speak to your friend about this? You say the management team presented to you and you signed off on it. That’s all fine, but did you have a conversation with your friend? If so, how did that go? If not, Yabu.

I’ve run my business for a decade, working 80-90 hour weeks. I have never had a mat leave before. Or even a holiday (always ‘on’ even when away). But I planned this baby and maternity leave for years. I often wished I was an employee of my business, rather than the owner. I’ve always treated my employees really well. Many of them have taken maternity leave over the years, and have received enhanced mat pay. I don’t think i usually have trouble understanding people but of course I’m questioning myself now!! During my mat leave I saw my friend often. Id say from May things were strange. I tried to get to the bottom of it but she kept pushing me away and saying she had a lot on. I think it was July I was first made aware that things really weren’t good and changes would have to be made. She has avoided me since then.

I tried really hard to speak to her but she avoided me / told me she had a lot on / was busy. She then got signed off work sick the week before i came back from Mat leave. Since then her husband has messaged me and been pretty horrible. But no, I’ve not had a conversation with her, but not for lack of trying! So maybe that’s why I’m confused