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Original poster

My H regrets our DD's name

40 replies

funnyycam · 30/09/2023 21:11

He doesn't like the name anymore and wishes we'd gone for his choice of name and he thinks I pushed hard to get ' my ' name.

It wasn't really like that and we both agreed we like the name, although his first choice was an important family name.

He keeps bringing it up and it makes me really sad. He says it's my fault.

' baby ' is turning 2 soon, so this is an ongoing thing.

What can I do ? I'm the kind of person who easily takes the blame and I just feel so bad.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 30/09/2023 21:13

It's too late and keep reminding him that he agreed to it, don't feel guilty for this, he had his time to speak up and it has passed.

Notimeforaname · 30/09/2023 21:15

He agreed. That's on him. Nothing he can really do about it now so he needs to get over it.
What else does he suggest?
Is his plan to argue about it for the rest of your lives?
Have you asked him what it is he is looking for now?

YourNameGoesHere · 30/09/2023 21:16

She's almost 2 and knows her name, it's too late to do anything so he needs to stop going on about it before she starts to realise what he's saying.

mogtheexcellent · 30/09/2023 21:16

Does the child have his 'important family surname'?

If yes then he is being a dick.

cheddercherry · 30/09/2023 21:18

Tbh its way past the point of changing it and I hope he’s not bringing up disliking the name in front of your LO. At that age she knows her name, responds to it etc, it is her name?

It’s been a long time to be still bashing you about it now and if you say it was a joint decision then it’s unfair to land it on you now. I’d ask him outright what his endgame is, what is he hoping to achieve berating you? Changing the name? Or years of dragging you over a joint decision. I’d have it out with what his point to this is, because I couldn’t personally live with the constant moaning.

Redglitter · 30/09/2023 21:19

He needs to get over it. She's almost 2. He can't really think changing its an option at this stage

TheMurderousGoose · 30/09/2023 21:23
  • You can't change a two year old's name. It would be beyond confusing for the child
  • He agreed to her name
  • He's being a big stupid baby

Does she have his surname?

Goldbar · 30/09/2023 21:26

What does he want to do about it? She's 2, she knows what her name is.

PinkMoscatoLover · 30/09/2023 21:28

Can’t change her name so he’ll have to suck it up. Nothing he can do about it at this stage

KidwithADHD · 30/09/2023 21:32

Hmm…this is a bit of a red flag for me in terms of behaviour.

it may be his genuine feelings on the issue, but it’s also quite a nasty thing to say to someone and to continually bring up.

it sounds more like he’s trying to punish you for it. The problem with this, is there’s nothing you could do to put this right- even if you wanted to.

you can’t change her name, so what’s this about - other than to make you feel bad?

Does he already have form for spoiling special events? Birthdays etc?

Besides, how can you dislike a name when it’s that of your first baby? Surely, it must’ve grown on him.

RubyRoses · 30/09/2023 21:36

Could the name he likes be added as a middle name? At nearly 2 she must know her name and presumably you still love it, so changing it doesn't sound fair really but maybe this could be a compromise.

Ilikeyourdecor · 30/09/2023 21:42

Even if you did push the name on him, a) she's 2 so too late now, and b) I assume she has his surname and he didn't risk his life to birth her, so he needs to get over it.

AmberSeaglass · 30/09/2023 21:43

At 2, it’s far too late and he needs to move on. Secondly, if you went the tradi to Omsk route, didn’t he get the important family surname - he can’t have it all his own way

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 30/09/2023 21:48

What supremely ridiculous petty controlling behaviour. I would find this hard to tolerate. I think I would be telling him to fuck right off and stop being such an arsehole.

Me and DH decided on a girl's name if we had a daughter. We decided on Hannah. From when I found out I was pregnant, (2 months in,) we said 'Hannah.' Loved the name. Both of us.

Then 3 days before she was due, he suddenly decided he wanted to call her Alexandra. I said 'where the fuck has that come from?' Confused He said he just fancied it. I said no, because she will be called Alex, and neither Alex, OR Alexandra goes with our surname. Plus, I didn't think much of the name. (Sorry to anyone called that, or if their child is. It's just not one I would choose.)

He pulled a face and looked miffed. But I stood my ground and said like FUCK are we changing it now. He said 'but we haven't named the baby yet! They are not even born yet' I couldn't get it through his thick skull that even though the baby is not born yet, we had agreed on Hannah for the past 7 months! (If it was a girl.)

Anyway, it was a girl, and she was Hannah. He moaned for about 3 days after she was born, then shut up when I said, I will be divorcing him and giving her MY surname if he doesn't shut the fuck up. He said nothing else ever. EVER. Oddly, whenever I brought this up (which I did several times, last time 10 years ago when she was a teen,) he said he doesn't remember this happening !!!

No idea why he acted so twatty. I know this is a slightly different scenario, but it reminded me of quite a bit!

Tell your DH to stop whining and being such a nobhead @funnyycam

(I haven't used real names by the way.)

RedToothBrush · 30/09/2023 21:55

It's not up for YOU to do anything. It's done. He needs to get over it.

I'd say exactly that.

I'd also say that his emotional blackmail is not acceptable and he was perfectly fine with the choice and any complaints should have been dealt with at the time. The customer service department doesn't accept returns after a certain period - this is the same. He timed out.

HE could have raised this before she was a year old and maybe you could have changed it. At this point it's just him finding a stick to abuse you with and that's not on. He just has to live with it.

I'd be thinking very carefully about having a second with him though. This isn't ok behaviour.

GlitterGlobe30 · 30/09/2023 22:00

I've never really understood why the mum has to do all the work for 9 months and birth the baby and then has to give the baby dad's second name and then doesn't even get to choose the first name either Hmm

ReadySalty · 30/09/2023 22:07

Tell him that his name makes you want to vomit and that you would never have agreed to it.

I do empathise with him, I let DH go with a name to please his mother. I was too addled and exhausted at the time to know what was happening, but I'm so resentful about it now.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 30/09/2023 22:10

I bet if it wasn't dd's name he would be a dick about something else...

GC2023 · 30/09/2023 22:10

Offer to change her first name if you can also change her surname to your maiden name.

Dramatic · 30/09/2023 22:11

Yeah he needs to stfu about it. I sort of regret my oldest dd's name. I agreed with OHs choice in the end because we just couldn't agree but it's not what I would have chosen. I never said anything though and she's 16 now

Tinkerbyebye · 30/09/2023 22:13

He needs to grow up. He agreed the name 2 years ago

cuddlebear · 30/09/2023 22:14

Is this the tip of an unpleasant iceberg?

Goodornot · 30/09/2023 22:14

Grey rock him. When he says it ... too late now or it's done now. Move on with the conversation

Lifeinlists · 30/09/2023 22:24

cuddlebear · 30/09/2023 22:14

Is this the tip of an unpleasant iceberg?

Sounds a bit like it, doesn't it.
It's not really about the name.

fearfuloffluff · 30/09/2023 22:26

He sounds like a moody nightmare! Get him a teddy and call it the name, ffs