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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad hangxiety again

32 replies

Onslow1985 · 30/09/2023 20:11

Just to give a bit of background on my current situation/headspace. I suffered my fifth miscarriage one month ago and booked a last minute trip away abroad with my girls which fell over my birthday. Amazing time, drank far too much on my birthday and partied/danced all day long. There are some grayed out areas at times so the next day I got my usual hangxiety and had to seek some reassurance from friends that I was okay. I think it has been intensified given what I have recently been through and I haven’t been able to shake it for about a week & had really bad chest tightness, bad sleep etc especially since drunken photos/videos now being sent of me which are not flattering at all, causing me to again seek reassurance from my friends & I can tell they are becoming really fed up so now worried I’ve put a downer on the whole trip. Not sure what answer I’m seeking, just need to rant it out or maybe it’s time for me to stop drinking as my friends say the most annoying thing is my hangxiety the next day and not my actual drunkenness. Or do I need to cut myself some slack after what I’ve recently been through and my friends should understand that?

Ps. I also have covid since coming back so maybe this has added to the situation?

OP posts:
Thanksforreading · 30/09/2023 20:33

Cut yourself some slack, you have been through a hell of a lot, and on top you are sick with covid.
it’s super hard when you’re away on a girls trip and it’s nice to let your hair down. I have a girl that always cries after drinks, she says she feels the “come down” from alcohol and it’s really depressing and always ends up crying (this was 10 years plus ago) she has since stopped drinking as it never made her feel better and always made her feel worst.
Try to clear your head space, (meditation and yoga always calms me) maybe try and find what help you relax more. The cycle for you at the moment is unhealthy, (I’ve had the whole hanxiety, and it went so bad I couldn’t leave my house for weeks at one point, my mum had to move me to hers and look after me) but I would like to add there is light at every tunnel. Your friends will be with you through thick and thin, that’s when you know they will be your life long friends. Good luck!

Stomacharmeleon · 30/09/2023 20:35

That's why I stopped drinking (not said In a judgy way)

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2023 20:35

Usual hangxiety? If this is usual for you then you need to drink less.

Softsoftsleep · 30/09/2023 20:37

Stomacharmeleon · 30/09/2023 20:35

That's why I stopped drinking (not said In a judgy way)

Me too. Also not judging.

Teacherteachernotapreacher · 30/09/2023 20:54

Also why I stopped drinking - also not meant judgily. The anxiety did not balance out with the quality of the night for me . I now have one really lovely drink if out then stop. Took being teetotal a while to get to that tho. Try it - honestly it’s a revelation.

BirdIsBoredOfFlying · 30/09/2023 20:55

Stomacharmeleon · 30/09/2023 20:35

That's why I stopped drinking (not said In a judgy way)

Same here. Also not judging. For all I sometimes miss those really fun nights out, my life is infinitely better now I don't have to worry about the hangxiety.

FedUpMumof10YO · 30/09/2023 21:02

I also gave up for this reason.

FawltyTower · 30/09/2023 21:07

Never heard it called hangxiety before. I've always called it Beer Fear and it's the reason I don't drink much, totally not worth it.

avemariiiaa · 30/09/2023 21:13

If this is a regular thing every time you have a drink, you need to cut down the amount you have in one night or stop altogether.

Alcohol gives me confidence that I wouldn't have sober, and helps me loosen up and have a dance and a lot of fun. It would be very hard to enjoy a night out without it, but I don't feel I have a problem, it's just drunken silly ness that makes me paranoid the next day Grin

I limit myself so once I start to feel tipsy I switch to soft drinks for a couple of rounds and pace myself. Them have another alcoholic one a bit later on.

Invisimamma · 30/09/2023 21:26

I've pretty much stopped drinking as I didn't like what the hangovers were doing to me. I'm not T-total but will now only have one or two drinks a few times a year. I don't miss it at all. It's worth thinking about.

No judgement here as I loved a good drink and night out when I was younger. I'm 35 and that's not for me anymore.

Alwaystired2023 · 30/09/2023 21:29

Also why I stopped drinking the anxiety is just awful, don't be too hard on yourself OP it will pass it's just taking a while to go. Concentrate on one day at a time and you'll feel a lot better very soon x

Original poster
Onslow1985 · 30/09/2023 21:40

@Invisimamma how long have you quit?

OP posts:
Original poster
Onslow1985 · 30/09/2023 21:41

Thank you for your replies. It used to just be a little paranoia the next day but I think after everything I’ve experienced it’s taken it to the next level & it’s seriously time to think about giving up!

OP posts:
bryceQ · 30/09/2023 21:43

I stopped drinking 2 years ago (I'm 33) as I hated this feeling and knowing id made a fool of myself. Best decision ever. When I'm stressed or sad now I do things that feel good for me like relaxation activities, Sound Baths, Restorative Yoga, massages etc.

I'm sorry for all your loses I can't imagine how tough that must be. 💐

juicelooseabootthishoose · 30/09/2023 21:46

I have a set number of drinks 4-that i can enjoy over the course of an evening without ill effects. If i drink more i can get anxiety the next
Day and i sleep badly.

It rarely does come to it but it it does I just talk myself through it. That its just chemicals in my body making me feel bad. That in 2-3 hours they will be gone. And i'll feel normal in no time at all. And that the feelings aren't real.

Your case does sound extreme it you are needing reassurance from others so I would deffo curb the drinking. I have great fun without it!

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/09/2023 21:52

I am sure your situation is making your anxiety worse and your friends are not getting fed up that's part of your anxiety too.
As is clear on here many of us absolutely understand. Be a bit kinder to yourself and maybe try and cut down. No judgement I could write a book on my mishaps over the years. X

Username620 · 30/09/2023 21:56

Yep. Another one that has quit for similar reasons. No more worries about what I’ve done, said or texted. No more blackouts. Over a year now.

KVick · 30/09/2023 22:00

It's time to stop drinking. Alcohol is not your friend. And I think the anxiety you're feeling is just your inner wisdom trying to tell you this.

Bringbackthetoddlers · 30/09/2023 22:01

Yeah sorry, another here who had to knock it on the head. Used to drink 2-3 glasses of wine every night, more on a weekend. I used to throw up in the mornings a lot too. Makes sense when you realise alcohol is actually a poison. I only occasionally have one or two drinks now and that's it. I actually enjoy myself better now when I go out though, and can drive home! My shopping is a lot cheaper too, which is an added bonus! I do kick myself it took me so long to work it out, so again, no judgement here.

Invisimamma · 30/09/2023 22:21

Onslow1985 · 30/09/2023 21:40

@Invisimamma how long have you quit?

Just over a year. No regrets. I still enjoy a nice cocktail or a glass of wine now and again but don't over do it or binge like I used to. So much happier.

WorkingOnMyMindset · 30/09/2023 22:24

I’m working on giving up too. I was a daily moderate to heavy tippler, and the hangxiety was basically a permanent condition, and I just didn’t realise that.

stitchinguru · 30/09/2023 22:29

I firmly believe that this underpins alcoholism - one sure-fire way to quieten that anxiety is to have another drink…. The rest is history, for many of us.

DustyD2 · 30/09/2023 22:41

Another one coming here to say this was the reason I stopped drinking. It's been 8 weeks now and I haven't felt this good in years my mood, sleep and energy levels are so much improved.

So sorry to hear that you have had a difficult time. You sound to have lovely, supportive friends.

DustyD2 · 30/09/2023 22:44

And to answer you question, I think you should do both. Cut yourself some slack, and maybe try a week or month alcohol free and see how you feel.

I never thought I could do it as I loved a glass of wine (or 3!)

Liana89 · 30/09/2023 22:46

Ah OP I've had the hangxiety so many times! It took me a while, but I've learnt to not overdo it when I'm out, and life is infinitely better. You've had an awful time and you need to be kind to yourself. You haven't done anything bad, that is literally the low dopamine in your brain after the acohol rush playing tricks on your mind and making you anxious.

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