Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the wrong here? - sorry for the long post!

40 replies

Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 19:32

So the back story is that we recently decorated the front of our house and used decorative stones to outline the front area, we had quite a lot left over which we stored in our driveway to the side. We share a driveway with our neighbour and the stones were hidden to the side in our part.

Neighbour asks my DH one day if he can have the stones. DH says no we will be using them for our back garden. A few days later neighbour messages my DH saying 'Still ok to use the stones?' DH says ' No as i said we will be using them'

FYI - The neighbour is a bit odd and doesn't get on with any of the other neighbours but my DH always tried to help him out when they need something.

A week later I walk past their front garden and the tarpaulin they have laid in their garden is held down by our stones! I message DH to ask if he had given them permission to use the stones and the answer was a definite no! BTW I am so angry at this point that they have just taken what they wanted!

DH then speaks to neighbour pointing out that he has used our stones. The neighbour had tried to cover the stones up so we wouldn't see. Neighbour then says he took those before DH replied to his message saying not to (Not acknowledging that he was told no in the first place!) Anyway apparently neighbour is very apologetic and says he will return them.

I am 19 weeks pregnant with twins and unfortunately had a threatened miscarriage a week later so was hospitalised and then I was staying with family to rest and recover as DH had to be at work.

So fast forward to 3.5 weeks later I am back home and settle and mentioned to my DH that neighbour still hasn't returned stones however 2 days later neighbour receives a delivery of his own stones and returns outside and sends a message to my DH saying they have been returned.

I am absolutely outraged and livid that this person has taken from us and returned them so brazenly in his own time without so much as an apology.

Anyway today we go for a walk and as we are returning home neighbour shouts out to my DH ' did you get my message I returned the stones' as if he did is a favour! My DH replies ' yeah, have a good night' I couldn't help myself and said ' it took long enough!' At which point neighbour says ' I can't hear what you said' I then repeated it and he walked towards us quite aggressively at which point DH is ushering me towards our door. Neighbour then starts walking towards us repeating what he said and I said calmly ' if you have taken someone's belongings you should return them and even there is miscommunication it shouldn't take 4 weeks to pit them back where you found them' Neighbour is then quite aggressive in the way he's talking and walking.

My DH then told him to go back to his house and ushers me indoors.

(Neighbour is around late 50s and I doubt he would do anything aggressive) but I was shocked at his reaction.

Anyway back home we walk in and DH lays into me for 'mouthing off' and creating a problem as we have to live here! I am so shocked that he is so angry at me for standing up for us and not at the thieving neighbour! DH is now saying I have caused a massive problem we have to bring our kids up here and so on. I just don't understand why he cannot see that this neighbour was taking advantage of our good nature and also taking something we paid a lot of money for!

We've now had an argument which has ruined my day and one of the first days I have felt myself since hospital and has completely ruined our evening due to our neighbour!

I just don't understand what I have done wrong here and why my DH thinks I am in the wrong? Can someone help me understand?

OP posts:
GlitchStitch · 30/09/2023 19:37

I agree with your DH. You're in the middle of a risky twin pregnancy and decided it would be a good idea to start a row in the street over some stones.

Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 19:45

GlitchStitch · 30/09/2023 19:37

I agree with your DH. You're in the middle of a risky twin pregnancy and decided it would be a good idea to start a row in the street over some stones.

Thank you, maybe you are right that wasn't my intention but I am a firm believer in what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong. I understand your point completely though.

OP posts:
Fatmamslim · 30/09/2023 19:53

Neighbor is a CF, but I’m with your DH.

it’s stones, you’ve got a high risk pregnancy to think of.

Cowlover89 · 30/09/2023 19:57

I'm with your DH

Whattodo112222 · 30/09/2023 20:01

I'm with your DH 100%.
You need to pick your battles here.
You've got to bring your kids up in this area. You have no idea what your neighbour or anyone is capable of.
The neighbour is a CF, but honestly, I would have picked my battles here

Hercisback · 30/09/2023 20:01

What harm was the neighbour really doing? He's made it good.

Your DH is right, think of the bigger picture.

IhearyouClemFandango · 30/09/2023 20:04

I agree with the others I'm afraid, galling as it may be.

MissingMoominMamma · 30/09/2023 20:04

He borrowed them to weigh down his tarpaulin?

newlystyle · 30/09/2023 20:05

With your dh. He's rectified the issue so what you did was completely unnecessary. You do realise that when the babies are here, he's probably going to be difficult with all the noise from your side. You should have just let it go - it's stones.

Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:05

Thanks, I guess I am not thinking straight.

I will stand by though the neighbour being a CF though.

It's not about the harm he was doing it's about taking something that's not yours to take.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:07

IhearyouClemFandango · 30/09/2023 20:04

I agree with the others I'm afraid, galling as it may be.

Nope he took them to use in his garden for the tarpaulin and also for the entire area after he asked and was told no multiple times.

OP posts:
Hercisback · 30/09/2023 20:07

You're going to need to chill out and bit of you're having a baby and this worked up about some stones.

Yes he as a CF but you have to live next door to him.

VeridicalVagabond · 30/09/2023 20:09

Were you planning on using the stones immediately, or are they still sat on your drive doing fuck all?

I'm afraid I'm with your husband, starting a row in the street with a neighbour over some stones when you're in the middle of a high risk pregnancy is unnecessary. Yes he was a bit cheeky but... they're only stones.

Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:10

VeridicalVagabond · 30/09/2023 20:09

Were you planning on using the stones immediately, or are they still sat on your drive doing fuck all?

I'm afraid I'm with your husband, starting a row in the street with a neighbour over some stones when you're in the middle of a high risk pregnancy is unnecessary. Yes he was a bit cheeky but... they're only stones.

Yep we were planning too.

I understand your point completely, maybe it's the hormones and I'm not thinking straight.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:11

Hercisback · 30/09/2023 20:07

You're going to need to chill out and bit of you're having a baby and this worked up about some stones.

Yes he as a CF but you have to live next door to him.

Agreed.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 30/09/2023 20:11

I mean technically he did take what didn't belong to him but does it really matter. He used them to hold down his tarpaulin until his own stones arrived and in the time he had them you wouldn't even have moved them had he not used them. Would it really have hurt to let him borrow them for a few weeks?

You were daft to start an argument, especially in your condition, in the grand scheme of things it's honestly not worth giving any headspace to.

Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:13

YourNameGoesHere · 30/09/2023 20:11

I mean technically he did take what didn't belong to him but does it really matter. He used them to hold down his tarpaulin until his own stones arrived and in the time he had them you wouldn't even have moved them had he not used them. Would it really have hurt to let him borrow them for a few weeks?

You were daft to start an argument, especially in your condition, in the grand scheme of things it's honestly not worth giving any headspace to.

To be honest if he had asked probably not but I think it's the fact he didn't ask, tried to hide them and then did nothing about it!

But yes I agree with what you are saying.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 30/09/2023 20:15

Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:13

To be honest if he had asked probably not but I think it's the fact he didn't ask, tried to hide them and then did nothing about it!

But yes I agree with what you are saying.

Show quote history

He did ask though and yes you said no but it seems you said no merely to be petty. Why couldn't he use the stones? He's your neighbour and you're about to have twins I would be trying very hard to foster goodwill not cause unnecessary arguments.

5128gap · 30/09/2023 20:16

You don't 'think' your neighbour would be aggressive but it's quite a risk to take. He may not be physical with a pregnant woman but he could well have been with your DH had it escalated. I'm all for being assertive, but there's a time and place, and kicking it off with your weird neighbour isn't it.

Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:17

5128gap · 30/09/2023 20:16

You don't 'think' your neighbour would be aggressive but it's quite a risk to take. He may not be physical with a pregnant woman but he could well have been with your DH had it escalated. I'm all for being assertive, but there's a time and place, and kicking it off with your weird neighbour isn't it.

I do understand this now after my DH explained exactly the same to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:18

We didn't say no to be petty by the way we said no as we wanted to use them for our garden! Why on earth would we give him something that we had bought for our own use?

OP posts:
Whataretalkingabout · 30/09/2023 20:20

If it were a perfect world and everyone was virtuous and honest you would be right, OP . But it is not. And you cannot have everything your way.

What is more important to you, being right, or keeping the peace with your neighbor?

FattyBolger · 30/09/2023 20:25

I reckon this is a mix of hormones and what you’ve been through with the missed miscarriage. I would have probably been the same in your position when I was pregnant and anxious. I think I let other things bother me more than they would have normally to sort of take my mind of the potential issues I was facing with the pregnancy.

You know your neighbour is weird, he’s put it right now I’d just forget about it and relax. You need to look after yourself and your twins. I wouldn’t give it another thought. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and peacefully!🙂

Brefugee · 30/09/2023 20:27

So your neighbour used your stones (wrong of them) but has no returned them.

In the meantime they are still in the pile at the side of your house where they were when he first asked, because you have not yet found a use for them (or time)

You were being PA at a stupid time and your DH is correct.

5128gap · 30/09/2023 20:29

Ladybug17 · 30/09/2023 20:17

I do understand this now after my DH explained exactly the same to me.

Show quote history

My DP explained it to me once too, as i was all guns blazing at men who pmo, pointing out 'yeah..its not you they're going to punch'😏