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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bad and I should re-think the relationship?

44 replies

HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:03

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year now. We live about an hour away from each other.

I was really really unwell yesterday, I think I had the stomach bug that my daughter had the week before. I couldn’t move and had to stay in the same spot for hours because every time I moved around the cramps were horrendous. I had to crawl to let the dog out to the toilet and to feed him.

My girlfriend knew I was unwell but said that she couldn’t come and help me, my daughter or the dog because she had already paid £10 towards a night out with some of the girls from work.

I know for a fact she was out with the girls from work because I’ve seen the photos on social media, but there’s also been some fishy stuff in terms of she lied about someone not going but then the girl was in the photos so was clearly there and then she hasn’t told me where’s she’s been all of today either. I don’t believe she would cheat because she’s been cheated on before and I know that really destroyed her, but even the small white lies makes me wonder what else she is lying about? She also only checked up on me once the whole time even though she knew how unwell I was.

AIBU to re-think this relationship based off the fact that losing £10 was more important than helping me and also the white lies that I’ve caught her out on?

OP posts:
PurpleChrayne · 30/09/2023 19:07

LTB.

PriOn1 · 30/09/2023 19:11

Is she emetophobic? I wouldn’t go round and help someone with infectious vomiting and diarrhoea either, unless they were so bad they needed to be hospitalized.

howsaboutit · 30/09/2023 19:13

I think you’re being hugely unreasonable to expect her to come over to help and risk catching the bug herself!
I live with my husband and on the contrary ask him to keep as far away from me as possible when I’m sick as I’d rather him not get sick too.

Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:13

@PriOn1 no she’s not, she’s worked in a role doing that sort of stuff before and I was taking anti-sickness tablets because I actually am Emetophobic so I wasn’t actually sick at all, just felt horrendously nauseous and had really bad stomach cramps

OP posts:
Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:14

@howsaboutit she said that didn’t bother her as she’s pretty sure she had the same thing about a week before that, the main reason was because she didn’t want to lose the money she has paid

OP posts:
Goodornot · 30/09/2023 19:14

Unless you were too ill to get a toilet. What did you want her to do? I wouldn't want my bf to see me like that - puking and shitting.

Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:16

@Goodornot I think you’re missing the point - she acknowledged the fact I was struggling with my daughter and the dog - but said that not losing £10 was more important. And then there’s also the lies around what happened last night and who was there and the sneakiness around where she’s been all day

OP posts:
Whattodowithit88 · 30/09/2023 19:17

She is obviously someone who you can’t rely on in your hour of need, that’s not good!

Also, listen to your gut, it’s rarely wrong.

howsaboutit · 30/09/2023 19:21

HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:16

@Goodornot I think you’re missing the point - she acknowledged the fact I was struggling with my daughter and the dog - but said that not losing £10 was more important. And then there’s also the lies around what happened last night and who was there and the sneakiness around where she’s been all day

I wouldn’t expect a partner that I wasn’t cohabitating with to cancel a night out because I wasn’t well. Her not going out won’t have helped you get better any quicker. And neither your daughter or your dog are her responsibility.
I think you’re more annoyed there was someone on the night out that you didn’t want her to spend time with. She lied about them being present but we don’t know why she did that, do you normally control who she spends time with so she felt the need to hide it?

Millybob · 30/09/2023 19:21

She's not your mum.
And if you're checking up on 'what happened' on her night out, she's the one who should be re-thinking the relationship.

Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:23

@howsaboutit I have no problem who she spends time with, I don’t even know any of them properly so why would I? I just think it’s weird how she blatantly said - randomly may I add because I didn’t even ask - that someone didn’t go but then tagged them on social media in the photo.

I don’t care who she spends time with, I don’t know why she had to lie about it though!

OP posts:
BIWI · 30/09/2023 19:23

Are you male or female @HarryPotter78?

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 30/09/2023 19:24

@HarryPotter78 either way, it doesn't paint her in a very good light, does it? She's either a cold uncaring cow or she's cheating on you. You would think people who had been cheated on before wouldn't cheat, but trust me, they do. I don't think she gave you any reasonable explanation for not supporting you. I would definitely reevaluate your relationship.

Hummingbird233 · 30/09/2023 19:26

She has plans. You're a grown up don't even live together. Your DD and dog are your responsibility.

If and when you marry and move in together, then I agree, they should step in and help with shared responsibilities but until then, I don't think she should have been expected to have dropped her plans.

Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:28

@Hummingbird233 it wasn’t the dropping plans I was annoyed about - it was her reasoning - £10 bloody pounds! And it’s not just about the dropping plans it’s the little white lies all of the time - I don’t know how many times I have to repeat that

OP posts:
BIWI · 30/09/2023 19:28

Are you male or female @HarryPotter78?

Nicknacky · 30/09/2023 19:29

There is clearly a back story about the person in the photo that you haven’t posted about.

But no, I wouldn’t expect her to give up a night out under those circumstances. What actual help did you need so badly?

Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:31

@Nicknacky there’s not a back story at all actually - I don’t even know the girl only by name.

It’s a shame that so many people have such low standards for a partner where help when unwell is considered too much to expect…

OP posts:
Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:31

@BIWI why does that matter?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/09/2023 19:31

But what help did you need that you needed her to give up a pre planned night out?

BIWI · 30/09/2023 19:33

Because @HarryPotter78 there's a very strong sense of entitlement coming from your posts, so I wanted to know your sex.

Original poster
HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:33

@Nicknacky I couldn’t move off the sofa, and I have a 6 year old and a dog who she is very much involved with and has helped out with before. It would have made my life a lot easier if I had some help yesterday. She said she didn’t mind helping but didn’t want to lose £10 - so money was more important - that’s what pissed me off is the reasoning.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 30/09/2023 19:33

I don't think she was at all unreasonable, but clearly you do. You seem to be looking for problems to perhaps justify why you aren't happy in the relationship. You can end it whenever you want.

Nicknacky · 30/09/2023 19:35

HarryPotter78 · 30/09/2023 19:33

@Nicknacky I couldn’t move off the sofa, and I have a 6 year old and a dog who she is very much involved with and has helped out with before. It would have made my life a lot easier if I had some help yesterday. She said she didn’t mind helping but didn’t want to lose £10 - so money was more important - that’s what pissed me off is the reasoning.

So surely your childs father/mother should be helping more than a girlfriend of a year?

Split up with her by all means if that’s what you want but I think your expectations are way off

Hummingbird233 · 30/09/2023 19:36

If you're not happy with her, end it then! Personally I think it's strange that you're questioning your trust of her over a post on social media, but if that's a deal breaker for you that's fine, it's your relationship.

I can see why you feel hurt that she didn't choose to come and help you, I do. Obviously in an ideal world she'd have done that, but she wanted to go out as she had planned and that's ok too.

Just wondering, did you drop everything up help her when she was ill?

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