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AIBU?

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Original poster

I Know I Am Being Unreasonable But Anyway....

48 replies

WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 21:47

....my 6 year old son came out of school today looking very sad and tearful and when I asked him what was wrong he said:

"X said he didn't like my present, it was rubbish..." and then he sobbed his little heart out.

Last night he had been to a party and I had chosen the gift (Enid Blyton storybook and another book of 5 minutes stories for boys) and obviously the birthday boy had told my DS he thought his present was rubbish.

I feel so sad for my DS, he is a sensitive soul and it is one of those moments where he is learning to toughen up and I do feel a little bit cross with the birthday boy because it wasn't a very nice thing to say, but I can totally see that he is 6 and 6 year olds say thigns without thinking and it is my issue because of how my son feels so I would not say or do anything.

Any DS has said he is going to tell the birthday boy that it wasn't a nice thing to say and if he doesn't want the books he can give them back

OP posts:
saadia · 05/03/2008 21:56

YANBU, it was rude thing to say, even for a six year old. I would be mortified if my 6yr old ds ever said that to someone who gave him a present.

floops · 05/03/2008 21:57

Poor little boy. I really feel for him. I have four children two of which are at school 6 yrs and 7 1/2yrs. I think kids are so cruel these days. I think that response is excellent. Did he come up with it himself? If yes what a brilliant 6yr old. I wish I could be a fly on the wall. Good luck for tomorrow! Let us know what happens.

ScruffyTeddy · 05/03/2008 22:05

You know what? My kids have never told me they didn't like a present, no matter who it was from and what it was.

They are grateful for what they have, what they are given, that people give.

Dont blame the birthday boy, blame his parents.

Original poster
WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 22:07

Yes, he came up with that himself When he told me I jsut said it wasn't a nice thing to say and another Mum overheard and said that it wasn't very nice and on the way home in the car he piped up with saying about giving them back.

Bloody minefield with pressies though, I always go for creative stuff or books and I chose short story books as my DS is starting to want to read 'proper stories' now. Ho hum.

OP posts:
Original poster
WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 22:08

Thats true ST ) And I don't blame the birthday boy either.

OP posts:
ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 05/03/2008 22:16

i realise this is probably going to be unpopular, but...
my ds is 5. he loves books - wouldn't go to bed without a story or 3 or 4. however, he thinks presents should be toys. he certainly hasn't got this idea from me - it's his own thinking. he thinks books and clothes are rubbish presents. and as a result i would not give such to his peers.
i would be mortified if he said what your ds's friend said, but tbh i wouldn't put it past him. he's is own individual and says what he thinks, despite me and dh trying to instill the 'if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything' ethos.

ScruffyTeddy · 05/03/2008 22:16

Nothing wrong with creative stuff or books. My kids have rooms stuffed with books and they both love ..ahem "art" mess

Then again, I have a passionate hatred of action figures.

Im cruel.

UniversallyChallenged · 05/03/2008 22:20

I would go straight to the top - the boys mum!!! "Apologise" to her for her son not liking the pressie and say how upset your son was about him not being happy.

This then gets theother boy in trouble brings the problem out in the open and if the mum is sensible, she will want to know what her son said

ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 05/03/2008 22:22

why not, when speaking to parent of birthday child to accept party invite, ask them what the child likes? that way you've got more chance of getting a gift that child will like instead of what your own child would like? by this age their tastes and interests are so varied.

tigerlily1980 · 05/03/2008 22:24

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I have also come across kids like this and am in agreement with ST, it's down to the parents influence.

My own kids open presents and go "Wow!", and even if it isn't something to their taste or a duplicated gift, they seem so grateful and enthusiastic. I've never even seen them look disappointed let alone actually say something.

However, I have a friend who will sit there like a hawk when her child is opening her gifts, and she will make comments like "Oh my God..what is that rubbish?, shall mummy put it on ebay and get you something better!!"
Her daughter is now extremely opinionated and if it's not Disney princess then it's rubbish/tacky/boring and she doesn't want it. She is probably just like the child that you mention.

Original poster
WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 22:25

I do normally do that but this boys Mum works and I don't see her, I sent the RSVP in the boys book bag.

By all accounts this boy is a good reader and so I thought that the books I got would be good for him to be read and also he could probably read them himself soon.

OP posts:
ScruffyTeddy · 05/03/2008 22:26

Bit too late for that potatoes, the deed is done.

I think its the attitude that the op is upset about.

Original poster
WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 22:26

OMG, that is horrid tigerlily

OP posts:
ScruffyTeddy · 05/03/2008 22:34

How ungrateful! "shall mummy put it on ebay"?!!

grrrrr.

BroccoliSpears · 05/03/2008 22:34

Oh my god, how HOW HOW do you cope when other children say things to upset your child?

Is it a legitimate option to keep them at home forever wrapped in cotton wool?

I'm quite upset even thinking about the possibility that someone might some day say or do something to deliberately upset dd and she's not even starting school for 3 years.

Ledodgy · 05/03/2008 22:36

Very ungrateful my dd would have loved those as presents but saying that she got and wanted a desk to do art on at Christmas when all of her school friends wanted that baby bjorn swimming doll so maybe i'm not being very objective. grin]

ScruffyTeddy · 05/03/2008 22:37

I take it you see nothing wrong with an ungrateful child then broccoli?

moodywren · 05/03/2008 22:37

My 7 yr old has a habit of telling people 'I've already got that!' which I find really embarrassing. I don't think she's ever told anyone she didn't like a gift though.
I think its difficult because we want kids to tell the truth on one hand but at the same time want them to know when not to say anything.
I find when I ask what a child would like they normally say something costing more than I am willing to pay as I have a set price limit for birthday presents, so that doesn't really help either.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/03/2008 22:39

Farking hell

If DS is invited to his next party, and even bigger if he attends, be sure to buy a shit present - at least he'll have a good reason to be disappointed

OR

Buy one of those presents you wish folk wouldnt buy for yours - you know, the noisy, messy, breaks-in-a-heartbeat-every-parent's-nightmare sort of thing???

allytjd · 05/03/2008 22:40

Take care if you are going to blame the parents. My son has Aspergers, not all his friends' parents know this yet, he has been known to blurt out rude things on recieving presents as he does not realise that others do not know what he likes/has/does not like IYSWIM. Of course I take great pains to explain manners to him but he can't always manage. I can tell that some people think badly of him for it as he seems outwardly so normal but he can't help it. He has also been known to exclaim what is that horrible smell? when smelling other peoples cooking, I am beyond embarrasment most days! Incidentally, I have experienced an underwhelmed response from small boys when I give books but i carry on as i am really hinting that I would appreciate books as presents for my kids, I am drowning under a sea of plastic.

BroccoliSpears · 05/03/2008 22:43

Oh yes, the OP, sorry - sort of forgot about that in my horror that dd may one day feel a bit upset about something.

By six you're old enough to know that you have to pretend to like all presents. It's the rules.

ScruffyTeddy · 05/03/2008 22:44

erm broccoli, its about having manners?

Original poster
WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 22:47

BS, I know what you are saying hence the title, I know I am being unreasonable and if you read my post you would see that I know DS has to toughen up

And aaytjd, I am not blaming the boy or the parents, I think at 6 they are still learning social rules etc and some kids are going to say things like this for a little while yet.

DS was really upset once because his bestfriend didn't like his Surfs Up pants , they all have to learn what is acceptable and also not to be mortally wounded about everything BUT I can't help feel a bit sad for my son, because he is my son and it was my choice of present and he was sad about what was said because he likes the giving of gifts as much as the receiving of them.

OP posts:
BroccoliSpears · 05/03/2008 22:47

Yes, umm.. are we at cross purposes ST?

I do think that the recipient of the present should have had the manners to pretend to like the present. I am also sad for the OP's little boy that he was upset.

Sorry if am not being clear.

BroccoliSpears · 05/03/2008 22:48

Sorry, have obviously rambled confusingly.

Time to turn off the computer and go to bed.

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