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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Newborn behaviour

41 replies

Tiddybiddy247 · 30/09/2023 14:21

Hello 👋 looking for hope and advice maybe. I have a 6 week old baby (in a days time turns 6 week) he has been suffering with wind and reflux thile last two weeks. He can't sleep for long as the wind wakes him up. Also he's breastfed and struggles to get to sleep without a boob in his mouth. All the professionals I've spoken to (GP, HV, private lactation consultant, midwives etc) all say it's normal and you can't spoil a baby this young.

Then I have another group of friends and family that say he's being spoilt by breastfeeding and it's not normal for him to feed round the clock. He feeds a lot. Since birth I struggle to leave the house with him because he cries every 10/15 mins for boob.

Visitors are disappointed because when they visit all he does is feed. If I put him down he immediately wakes up and cries.

I'm worried by breastfeeding I've created a monster 😞

OP posts:
EatYourVegetables · 30/09/2023 14:29

Trust the professionals.

The norms were different a while ago.

The baby and your supply will settle. In the meantime, you could try safe cosleeping, a sidecar cot, and putting the baby down for at least one nap.

A breastfeeding support group could help you work out if the baby is latching on properly and if a different hold will help them swallow less air.

Cazzovuoi · 30/09/2023 14:30

Ask @mnhq to move this to parenting or similar section.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 30/09/2023 14:32

Totally normal. Ignore anyone without a current newborn who is almost definitely remembering the newborn stage through rose tinted glasses.

Original poster
Tiddybiddy247 · 30/09/2023 14:38

Ohh yes . New to Mumsnet and still trying to figure it out. Thanks

OP posts:
OnAir · 30/09/2023 14:40

6 weeks was prime time for cluster feeding for mine. I found this stage really hard I felt like I just wasn't left alone for any more than 30 mins at a time.

CanIExtend · 30/09/2023 14:40

Completely normal. I have 3 DC who were all exclusively breastfed and they all fed constantly during the first few months. You’re doing a great job. I found by around 3 months they settled into a more consistent routine and went longer periods between feeds.

stardust40 · 30/09/2023 14:44

Try not worry xx sounds normal! Maybe try putting him in his pram and taking him for a walk during nap time ... we found this definitely helped for a few extra minutes!

VulpixTail · 30/09/2023 14:45

Your baby doesn’t even know that you are separate people yet

cluster feeding is normal at this stage

stop listening to these morons who believe that your are ‘spoiling’ your helpless infant. You aren’t going to listen to them when they want to wean your 8 week old on baby rice or think rear faced car seats are stupid so why listen now?

SerpentEndBench · 30/09/2023 14:46

The ones that say he is spoilt by breasfeeding are the ones keen to separate you from your baby, am I right? Grrrrr.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 30/09/2023 14:48

I'm sick of other people trying to influence a brand new mother in a way to suit them rather than for the benefit of the mother and baby.
Youre doing the right thing. You feed on demand. When they're small it's a lot and all consuming because there is a lot of growing to do! It's also a massive bond and a soothing thing for your baby.

Visitors can be disappointed all they want but frankly they should be happy your son is being well nourished and cared for than upset they don't get to play dolls.

Honestly, hold your ground. You are the mum now and you do whatever you feel is best for you and baby.

QuestionableMouse · 30/09/2023 14:48

My littlest nephew was the same - he slept better with a dummy which meant everyone slept better.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/09/2023 14:49

You can not spoil a baby op, the visitors are just being selfish wanting to hold baby when really the baby only wants you and boob.
Cluster feeding will calm down and it will become less intense, this is completely normal behaviour, congratulations.

JC89 · 30/09/2023 14:51

This sounds normal and you're doing a great job with breastfeeding! If visitors are disappointed tell them to come back in a few months, a 6 week old isn't going to do much more than eat, sleep and poo...

MexicanDrinkingWorm · 30/09/2023 14:52

he doesn’t have tongue tie does he? My first did and we were told “it will get better” etc but we had the exact same thing, constant feeding, wind, unsettled etc until we got it privately fixed at a couple of months old. Basically all due to poor latch, baby wasn’t getting proper feeds
it’s only now I’ve had another baby that I realised what efficient feeding is like and how much I put up with the first time round.
could just be your baby’s temperament like others have said, but thought I’d mention!

katmarie · 30/09/2023 14:52

I bf two kids and at 6 weeks both were feeding constantly, sleeping badly at night, and wanted to be on me constantly. It was tough, but 6 weeks was the turning point. By 8 weeks the gaps between feeds were getting wider and by 12 weeks it was noticeably easier. You can't spoil a six week old baby, they're not capable of manipulation or having 'wants', all they have at this age is 'needs'. And their needs are so basic, to be warm, clean, dry, fed, and held by the person who makes them feel safe.

fairymary87 · 30/09/2023 14:54

As someone who had a similar baby to you, it's very very normal. So don't worry. Family and friends and just being selfish etc

Original poster
Tiddybiddy247 · 30/09/2023 15:01

Thanks for the support ☺️ he does have a mild tongue tie but again he's gaining weight so all the professionals have said not a problem and he seems to latch ok. He does gulp and gasp a lot sometimes.

When he'd crying for boob or won't let me put him down, people keep telling me I should put him on formula as breastfed babies are clingy and never full up. That they are worried about my mental health ( I found cluster feeding hard when it's 4-5hours none stop) yes they want to hold him and shake their heads. All say he should be easy to put down and sleep. Swaddle that baby and give him a bottle!

They also all had better babies that slept well etc

I'm doing the best I can as a first time mum...

OP posts:
MrsMarzetti · 30/09/2023 15:04

It's normal, my second fed for an hour slept for an hour until 9 weeks. It does get better.

Lavender14 · 30/09/2023 15:05

Clearly your support network is limited in terms of those who breastfed.

You can't spoil a baby by holding them, they are biologically programmed to want to feel close to mum because that's the safest place for them to be.

Babies in the first 6ish weeks will cluster feed (ds fed over 10+hrs some days) this is them practising their latch and feeding, feeding to get nutrition and comfort and building your supply as your body will only provide milk based on your baby requesting it through feeding.

Your visitors are not entitled to have a cuddle. They shouldn't be coming expecting to have a cuddle at the expense of your child's comfort and need to feed. They are being very unreasonable to expect this and are working off the 'norm' of a bottle fed baby who can be fed by anyone. I say the 'norm' because the UK has one of the lowest rates of bf globally.

Breastmilk is specifically designed to perfectly meet the requirements of your baby and be easily digested for a wee system that up until recently hasn't needed 'food' due to the umbilical cord providing what was needed. Its less 'heavy' if you like, than formula so it is digested much quicker and more efficiently so baby will look to feed more often. This is one of the proposed reasons why bf protects against SIDS because bf babies will wake more to feed during the night.

Ds really struggled with wind and reflux. He had a posterior tongue tie which was causing the issue for us. Have you had your little one assessed for that? They recommended we didn't get it released but we went privately to do it anyway and it resolved our issues. I also found that a soother helped ds manage the reflux and get his wind up because he relaxed while sucking. Your wee one might be continously sucking to get relief from the reflux. Keeping your little one upright for 20min after each feed will help and the wonky winding technique (you can find on YouTube) will help them get wind up too.

Noone in my family bf either op, so I got all those same comments. Even now at 10 months in (ds doing great) my mum will still be like- surely it must be time to start him on formula now?

The best thing I did was join a bf support group (la leche league) and I got loads of support and learnt so much and it was great because any issues we had another mum had already been through. I'm able to go to them with my questions now and it's really been invaluable because bf is hard and intense and when people you care about are telling you you're doing the wrong thing or it's time to stop etc it's very isolating and disheartening. You're doing amazing and you know your baby and what's right for them better than anyone. So next time someone gives you 'advice' just smile and say thanks and be glad you don't need to take it!

Lavender14 · 30/09/2023 15:08

Tiddybiddy247 · 30/09/2023 15:01

Thanks for the support ☺️ he does have a mild tongue tie but again he's gaining weight so all the professionals have said not a problem and he seems to latch ok. He does gulp and gasp a lot sometimes.

When he'd crying for boob or won't let me put him down, people keep telling me I should put him on formula as breastfed babies are clingy and never full up. That they are worried about my mental health ( I found cluster feeding hard when it's 4-5hours none stop) yes they want to hold him and shake their heads. All say he should be easy to put down and sleep. Swaddle that baby and give him a bottle!

They also all had better babies that slept well etc

I'm doing the best I can as a first time mum...

Also just to say weight gain was the reason why our ds tt wasn't cut but then as he got bigger he couldn't feed efficiently enough and had huge weight loss. It can also cause issue in future with speech and language development so honestly I'd recommend looking at release privately.

And interestingly statistically mums who bf actually get more sleep than formula feeding mums so they must have been very lucky!

katmarie · 30/09/2023 15:26

On the swaddling, it worked really well with breastfed ds. He liked being swaddled and slept a lot better that way. Breastfed dd hated it, and wouldn't sleep at all like that. You just have to work with the baby you have and what they like and need.

PifandHercule · 30/09/2023 15:33

Please look for a lactation consultant to get advice and support as what you are being told by the people around you (although probably well meaning) is incorrect.
Babies that small are meant to feed often and want to be close to their mother.
You said that ‘visitors are disappointed that the baby feeds non stop’…….it’s madness to care more about other people’s feelings than your needs and your baby’s.
Please seek professional advice as the breastfeeding relationship (for moms who choose and can breastfeed) is so precious.
I would have given up a few weeks into postpartum if it wasn’t for a lovely lactation consultant that helped me understand how it all works.
Good luck op! 🤞

melisma · 30/09/2023 15:36

I second what others have said - too often tongue ties are written off by health professionals but actually can quietly be causing lots of issues. If you can, I recommend looking up a IBCLC certified lactation consultant and having the tongue tie looked at/released. Good luck!

Ididivfama · 30/09/2023 15:42
  1. speak to a lactation consultant (you can Google or look on your local Facebook breastfeeding group)
  2. stop caring that visitors are disappointed. Sorry, you’re not there to entertain them. You’re feeding a tiny baby who shouldn’t go hungry.
Lelophants · 30/09/2023 15:42

melisma · 30/09/2023 15:36

I second what others have said - too often tongue ties are written off by health professionals but actually can quietly be causing lots of issues. If you can, I recommend looking up a IBCLC certified lactation consultant and having the tongue tie looked at/released. Good luck!

Yeah a tongue tie cut saved us but do it via a lactation consultant. The nhs wait list or advice just means you give up breastfeeding before it’s done.