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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Newborn behaviour

41 replies

Tiddybiddy247 · 30/09/2023 14:21

Hello 👋 looking for hope and advice maybe. I have a 6 week old baby (in a days time turns 6 week) he has been suffering with wind and reflux thile last two weeks. He can't sleep for long as the wind wakes him up. Also he's breastfed and struggles to get to sleep without a boob in his mouth. All the professionals I've spoken to (GP, HV, private lactation consultant, midwives etc) all say it's normal and you can't spoil a baby this young.

Then I have another group of friends and family that say he's being spoilt by breastfeeding and it's not normal for him to feed round the clock. He feeds a lot. Since birth I struggle to leave the house with him because he cries every 10/15 mins for boob.

Visitors are disappointed because when they visit all he does is feed. If I put him down he immediately wakes up and cries.

I'm worried by breastfeeding I've created a monster 😞

OP posts:

Milkand2sugarsplease · 30/09/2023 15:47

All totally normal for a newborn. He will settle into a routine when he's ready.

If he's refluxy and windy, you could try reducing dairy in your diet which may be bothering him at the minute and contributing to the wind and crying.

Original poster

Tiddybiddy247 · 30/09/2023 15:47

So I paid £125 for a two hour session with a lactation consultant and she is IBCLC certified. She observed a feeding and the tongue tie and said he feeds beautifully and seems to be thriving. So her response was don't worry.

OP posts:

TupperJen · 30/09/2023 15:58

Fantastic that you've seen a lactation consultant, I hope you feel reassured you're doing exactly the right thing. 6 weeks is a classic age to regress and be unsettled/cluster feed... just be blunt with those that are not supporting you, and tell them that comments like this aren't helpful. If they want to help, they can fold washing, make a meal or just sit and chat to you. Baby will very soon be more alert, more interactive and spacing between feeds will get longer, so they can have their time then.

itsgettingweird · 30/09/2023 16:00

Ignore them.

You are giving your baby's breast milk and reacting to their needs.

You can't spoil a 6 week-old by being a fantastic mum.

The only spoiling that needs doing is you. Make sure those around you are helping you keep your strength up by making tea and decent dinners!

Cornettoninja · 30/09/2023 16:01

You haven’t created a monster and on your behalf may I tell all the well meaning visiting advisors to cock off?

your baby is behaving perfectly normally, it’s really tough for you but it is absolutely normal. Formula, swaddling etc are absolutely options for you if you decide to go that way but it’s ridiculous for anyone to think you haven’t already extensively searched for this stuff and for one reason or another discounted it. It’s not advice that’s so far out that you are unlikely to have come across it.

I had an absolute Velcro baby and it’s really hard to muster confidence when everyone around you makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong. You’re not, they’ve just had the kind of baby they had and you’ve got the kind you’ve got. It really is that simple.

I really regret how much time and effort I put into trying to get dd to behave in a way she just wasn’t wired to (still isn’t several years later). It made my maternity leave way more stressful than it needed to be. To be clear my dd is now at school and an independent child but still utterly and completely adores me, and her df, and her favourite thing is just to ‘be’ a family.

There’s something to be said for accepting the kind of baby you have and figuring out coping strategies for you. I think it gets much easier around twelve weeks and I suspect (without looking it up) this is around the time their vision becomes sharper and distraction becomes part of the arsenal you can use. Things like showering become easier because you can set them up in a bouncer in the bathroom in their eyeline.

it feels like there’s never an end in sight with your first (in my case only) newborn, but there really is and truthfully it’s time that resolves a lot of issues with babies. They develop so fast.

Curiosity101 · 30/09/2023 16:17

Had a quick scan through and not seen anyone mention it, but it's possible your baby has some sort of intolerance or allergy which could be causing the wind and reflux. I would consider trying to eliminate some of the most common allergens from your diet one at a time to see if you see any improvement.

I do agree with everyone else that this can be totally normal behaviour, but I'd still be looking to rule out allergies if you've already ruled out latch or tongue tie issues.

FWIW I exclusively breastfed my second, he would fed every 3hrs from day 1 (each feed took about 20minutes). It was like he'd read a baby book or something 🤣. However - he was exactly like my eldest who had been exclusively bottle fed from day 1 (a mixture of breast milk and formula). Also neither of my two had any issue being put down /being independent of me. But I know lots of babies that were the exact opposite. Responding to what your baby needs at this age is literally just that, responding to their needs. I'd lean into whatever makes your life easier, life with a newborn is hard enough and I'm a firm believer they come pre programmed to be velcro babies or not... it's not learned.

I'd also recommend (if you haven't tried it already) a stretchy sling. Personally I was a huge fan of my close caboo, even though my two were happy to be put down most of the time, I enjoyed carrying them and it definitely helped on any occasions where they were unsettled cause it allowed me to comfort them and get on with whatever I needed to get on with.

00100001 · 30/09/2023 16:18

YOU CAN'T SPOIL A BABY.

He's literally days old, let him have your boob and a million cuddles.

00100001 · 30/09/2023 16:20

I can guarantee the people saying you're "spoiling" the baby,will be going "ohhh you're STILL breastfeeding???" When baby is 8 months old.

Tell them to fuck off then as well.

Cornettoninja · 30/09/2023 16:24

i’ve just remembered….. I was on here years ago when dd was tiny looking for support and the magic answer to get the child to behave like these magical babies happy to be put down anywhere and go to anyone.

I was chatting on a thread with another mum going through the same and I genuinely could have cried (I think I probably did) when she revealed the baby she was talking about was her third and the other two hadn’t been this difficult. It completely validated my feelings and made me feel like less of an dickhead who shouldn’t be in charge of a baby!

Honestly, some babies just defy expectations of what should work. They’re just not interested in what the books say!

Ididivfama · 30/09/2023 16:45

Good for you op
you’re doing really well

BurbageBrook · 30/09/2023 16:50

Totally normal. My now-9 week old was the same and it's really settled down in the last two weeks though she still feeds lots. Trust the experts, not ill informed friends and family!

BurbageBrook · 30/09/2023 16:53

Also it sounds like some of your visitors are selfish idiots...

Rachierach11 · 30/09/2023 16:56

My youngest was exactly like this. He had horrendous colic and would only stop crying if I fed him (even if I had only just finished feeding him). It peaked at 6 weeks where I went 36 hours with no sleep and then it gradually got better and by 12 weeks he was a really happy baby who slept through. I really hope this is the case for you. Please be assured that you have done nothing wrong. A newborn needs milk, cuddles and a clean nappy every now and then and anyone who tells you that you're spoiling them is ridiculous

Dishwashersaurous · 30/09/2023 17:43

Who are these people who are more bothered about holding a baby than whether the baby is getting the nutrition he needs.

Stop the visitors. Carry on with the feeding.

Baby is absolutely tiny still.

It will settle down but at the month this is completely, utterly normal.

In some cultures the mother stays in bed for the first six weeks with the baby. They should just be feeding and sleeping

catsnore · 30/09/2023 17:54

A lot of the people making these comments didn't breastfeed or were told to take a different approach when they had babies. May even have had their babies taken off them in hospital and fed formula before they had managed to establish breastfeeding. Now they feel you should be doing the same. They also may not realise the pressure they are putting on you at a time when you are tired, have had a massive upheaval in your life and are trying to cope with all sorts of new things. Next time just try and shut them down: no, I won't be doing that. no, that's not the advice now. No, that's not what I want to do. Don't allow discussion or advice - unless you want to - unless you have asked for it. Tell them they should be supporting you and thinking about what is best for the baby - not what is best for them!

fearfuloffluff · 30/09/2023 18:02

Back in the day they also said you'd spoil babies if you cuddled them! Trust the modern pros.

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