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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel bad about a lift

35 replies

LyricalGangsta · 30/09/2023 12:49

P can't drive and has no intention of learning despite really needing to learn as he depends massively on other people to get him to places and makes commitments to things he needs to drive for, assuming someone will give a lift.

Today, I don't have room to get everyone in the car who wants to go to also get P and his daughter in my car.
I have my kids this weekend and they are coming plus one of their girlfriends who P finds rude. She is mostly socially awkward and can be a bit rude at times. I don't really think it's intentional.

P would usually come with me but I said he will have to find another lift as there's no room. There are usually about 3 other people who would be going who he could go with. He has found another lift.

I feel that I should prioritise my kid and the girlfriend as he's my kid.

Am I wrong?

P is upset that the extra seat needed is being taken by the girlfriend who he doesn't like. If it was another of my kids that he does like he wouldn't mind he said.

I've decided not to go altogether now as I really can't be bothered with it all. He just said 'ok' .

Now I'm upset over it. Sad

Who's the dick? Me. I feel it might be me.

OP posts:
YayGoMe · 30/09/2023 12:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pumpkinpie1 · 30/09/2023 12:51

P needs to grow up and learn to drive .
P is entitled, your car , your kids your choice

AreYouShittingMe · 30/09/2023 12:53

My DH also doesn't drive. I would always prioritise giving lifts to those who are unable to drive (due to age/ disability) over someone who has chosen not to learn to drive. So I too would give the lift to kids friends in that situation.

MariePaperRoses · 30/09/2023 12:53

What a load of drama!

He's unreasonable for wanting priority in the car over your sons girlfriend.

Your unreasonable for now saying you won't take the children after saying you would. They haven't done anything wrong.

BMW6 · 30/09/2023 12:54

P is an entitled wanker. I don't drive and I certainly don't arrange to go anywhere expecting someone to give me a lift!

Anyone who does that us an arsewipe. Tell P to fuck off and grow up.

WomanFromTheNorth · 30/09/2023 12:54

P is the dick. Your children (and whoever they choose as partners) cone first. P needs to grow up and learn go drive.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 30/09/2023 12:54

So your kids are now missing out because P can't make their own arrangements? Thats shit.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 30/09/2023 12:55

Nope not you… if your P ( notice there is no DP … quite telling) isn’t able to drive that is his problem and his alone. Your kids will always be your priority.

However, you should have still gone and not let your P ruin everyone’s day

Original poster
LyricalGangsta · 30/09/2023 12:55

Ive not told the kids we aren't going. I will still take them that's just how I felt at the time of posting as I've obv since realised that's not fair on them

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 30/09/2023 12:57

Does P stand for Prick?

TomatoSandwiches · 30/09/2023 13:00

Your P is a twat, let him sulk and take your kids and their gf/bfs.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/09/2023 13:01

@SparklingLime 😂😂

amiboverd · 30/09/2023 13:02

What had you agreed?

Where are you going and was the plan to take P and his daughter but they couldn't go because the gf turned up (in which case I can understand why he's annoyed) or was this something you'd planned for your children and P wanted to tag along?

It's annoying he won't learn to drive although it makes a difference what had been planned.

I wouldn't let all your kids down though!

GreyCarpet · 30/09/2023 13:02

It's irrelevant that the doesn't like the girlfriend.

He wouldn't mind losing out on the space to someone he likes but not to someone he doesn't? What is he? 5?

FictionalCharacter · 30/09/2023 13:03

Who's the dick? Me. I feel it might be me.

Why? Do you think you have a duty to be his unpaid taxi service and prioritise him over your children? He has no right to expect other people to ferry him around.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/09/2023 13:04

I don't drive but I also never ask for lifts, if I need to get somewhere by car I order a taxi.

PerfectMatch · 30/09/2023 13:08

P is the dick. Not you.

Original poster
LyricalGangsta · 30/09/2023 13:09

Yes, the gf coming is a bit last minute and had she not been coming we would all fit.
That's why I was thinking I'm a dick because he would usually come with me.

I know really that it isn't my problem he can't drive.

I'm not letting my kids down and we are still going.
I should have taken some time to think about it properly before asking aibu because I know really that I'm not.

OP posts:
Original poster
LyricalGangsta · 30/09/2023 13:10

I also agree with everything that's been said here in all honesty.

Thank you all

OP posts:
amiboverd · 30/09/2023 13:12

It's not your fault that he can't drive but if he was supposed to be coming with you and his daughter then you shouldn't have said yes to the girlfriend. It's fine to put your kids first and even their girlfriends but I'd be a bit peed off if I was supposed to be going somewhere with my partner (before I could drive, although that was a long time ago) and he said sorry my son's girlfriend has come so you're out.

You're both being unreasonable to be honest.

Beautiful3 · 30/09/2023 13:14

Of course you did the right thing, prioritising your children and their partners. As if someone else should take priority!

HeadacheEarthquake · 30/09/2023 13:14

How far is it? Could he get a taxi

Shinyandnew1 · 30/09/2023 13:15

I would not be spending any more of my life with P-he sounds like an arse.

FloweryName · 30/09/2023 13:20

You probably did sound a bit like a toddler throwing their toys out when you said you weren’t going at all which is never a good look, but you’ve realised that so fair enough!

Your P is NBU to be disappointed he can’t go with you because of someone who he doesn’t like, but you are doing the right thing to prioritise your own child over an adult who makes no effort to transport himself.

PhoenixReincarnated · 30/09/2023 13:25

SparklingLime · 30/09/2023 12:57

Does P stand for Prick?

🤣😂🤣

P needs to learn how to drive. If he's not prepared to learn how to drive then he needs to accept that he may not be able to do certain things. P certainly shouldn't arrange things assuming that he'll get a lift and should be prepared to take a taxi/public transport if possible.

Did you actually agree to give P a lift on this occasion or is it an assumption he made.?