Being made to feel bad about a lift

[LyricalGangsta]

P can't drive and has no intention of learning despite really needing to learn as he depends massively on other people to get him to places and makes commitments to things he needs to drive for, assuming someone will give a lift.

Today, I don't have room to get everyone in the car who wants to go to also get P and his daughter in my car.
I have my kids this weekend and they are coming plus one of their girlfriends who P finds rude. She is mostly socially awkward and can be a bit rude at times. I don't really think it's intentional.

P would usually come with me but I said he will have to find another lift as there's no room. There are usually about 3 other people who would be going who he could go with. He has found another lift.

I feel that I should prioritise my kid and the girlfriend as he's my kid.

Am I wrong?

P is upset that the extra seat needed is being taken by the girlfriend who he doesn't like. If it was another of my kids that he does like he wouldn't mind he said.

I've decided not to go altogether now as I really can't be bothered with it all. He just said 'ok' .

Now I'm upset over it.

Who's the dick? Me. I feel it might be me.

It is not your responsibility to solve his transport problems - or to take responsibility for transporting his kids.

Always put your children first. He’s a grown man. He can figure out how to get himself and his children where they need to be. This is not your problem.

I can drive. But I don’t have a car. Public transport exists. I get myself and my children where they need to be.

He assumed but it is usually the case

And go to whatever it is. Having a sulk and not going is ridiculous.

Also… that may actually be what he wants. If you aren’t ensuring everything revolves around him and providing him with the required services, then maybe he wants no one to get to go.

Or he could take responsibility for his own transport.

It’s kind of worse when it’s not even an agreement. He just assumes it’s your job to transport him and his child and you feel bad if you aren’t doing that.

Maybe tell him that no one likes a non-driving parasite who expects everyone else to ensure they get where they need to be.

It’s perfectly possible to not drive and not take advantage of everyone else who does. And to recognise that people are going you a favour when they help you out with lifts. Sadly, a minority of people think their problems must be solved by everyone else. IME divorced dads are somewhat over represented in that category, whether it’s lifts or feeding their kids or thinking up things to, or anything else.

I get the sense this isn't really about today. Just today has made the irritation of him expecting a lift and organising his life around needing lifts grow a bit.

Might be time for a chat. He needs to learn how to drive or get a bike.

Then he needs to stop assuming and start checking before agreeing to something.

This is why I would never be with someone who couldn't drive.

@gamerchick
Nail on the head there I think 🫣😂

How old is the gf? Is she a teen? Tbh I'd find someone who actively disliked a teenage girl - just for being a normal teen and a bit annoying - juvenile and cringy.

I think you've got two problems here.

One, your partner doesn't drive and depends on you and other people to drive him around. That's just lazy and annoying.

Two, even if he could drive, you wouldn't necessarily have an extra car for today so you might still have the same issue.

But yeah, he needs to learn to drive.