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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the truth about Father Christmas?

47 replies

ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:15

I have 4 dc
Dc1 and 2 where told that Santa isn't real in y6, they kind of knew any way but I just wanted to make sure before they went to secondary school

Dc3 I told in y5 because he asked

I've no problem with them knowing as soon as they're inquisitive enough to ask

However.... DC4

He's another story. He's 7, will be 8 just before Christmas. I feel he's quite young, however I'm happy for him to know the truth as he's a very serious and skeptical child, and he's said for over a year that he doesn't think Father Christmas is real.

Here is the dilemma. He's a terrible secret keeper. He can't keep gifts a surprise and I think even if he was made to promise, he would eventually let it slip to his friends/other children in his class. I know some of the other parents are really into Santa and would not be happy if they found out through my son.

So what do I do??
I've put it off so far saying things like what do you think? And if Santa isn't real then how do you get presents, etc but he keeps asking outright and it seems wrong to lie

OP posts:
CakeIsNotAvailable · 30/09/2023 12:20

I would be honest. I find it bizarre how late children find out about Father Christmas these days. When I was a child most kids knew the truth by 8 or 9, and 7 wasn't unusual. We don't directly lie to our children. Not had the Santa chat yet, but my son (in Reception) lost his first tooth recently. He directly asked me if I was the tooth fairy, and I said yes. He's not upset any of his pals yet.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:22

CakeIsNotAvailable · 30/09/2023 12:20

I would be honest. I find it bizarre how late children find out about Father Christmas these days. When I was a child most kids knew the truth by 8 or 9, and 7 wasn't unusual. We don't directly lie to our children. Not had the Santa chat yet, but my son (in Reception) lost his first tooth recently. He directly asked me if I was the tooth fairy, and I said yes. He's not upset any of his pals yet.

Thanks, yes he wouldn't be upset he just wants to know! And although I've always done the Father Christmas thing, I've never lied when they've asked. But ds can't keep a secret to save his life. Or he would not say it but say to his friends something like 'I know something about Santa but I'm not going to say what' that kind of thing

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 30/09/2023 12:29

With my DC I always take the approach that if they're questioning it then they already know and they're just seeking clarification.

The way I explained it to mine is that Santa is real but he's an idea rather than a person, the idea being the spirit of gift-giving, spending time with loved ones, celebrating, reflecting on the year gone and the year coming, etc.

If he does tell children at school then that's up to their parents to deal with and manage however they see fit. DC3 came home from school and asked me "is Santa real, so and so said he isn't". I asked DC what they thought and they said they thought he was real so I agreed with them and that was that. By the following Christmas they'd worked it out for themselves without any fuss about it.

Children are fairly pragmatic, it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:30

Some if the other kids in his class are either the eldest child so they tend to believe a bit longer, or have older siblings that are 10/11 that the parents still haven't told. So I don't think I will be in the good books if ds spills the beans

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:31

Iam4eels · 30/09/2023 12:29

With my DC I always take the approach that if they're questioning it then they already know and they're just seeking clarification.

The way I explained it to mine is that Santa is real but he's an idea rather than a person, the idea being the spirit of gift-giving, spending time with loved ones, celebrating, reflecting on the year gone and the year coming, etc.

If he does tell children at school then that's up to their parents to deal with and manage however they see fit. DC3 came home from school and asked me "is Santa real, so and so said he isn't". I asked DC what they thought and they said they thought he was real so I agreed with them and that was that. By the following Christmas they'd worked it out for themselves without any fuss about it.

Children are fairly pragmatic, it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

Thanks, I tried this, but ds just said ' yes but how do my presents get in my house? Is it Santa with a sleigh or is it you?' 😂 as I said, he's very serious

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 30/09/2023 12:34

Santa has never brought the presents here. DC knew from the get-go that we buy the presents (which is why they can't have ponies or mansions or ten PlayStations) and we then send them to Santa for safekeeping. He brings them back during the night on Christmas Eve like a celestial Amazon delivery driver.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:35

Iam4eels · 30/09/2023 12:34

Santa has never brought the presents here. DC knew from the get-go that we buy the presents (which is why they can't have ponies or mansions or ten PlayStations) and we then send them to Santa for safekeeping. He brings them back during the night on Christmas Eve like a celestial Amazon delivery driver.

😁

OP posts:
DinoDaddy · 30/09/2023 12:35

I think you are over thinking it. It is 2023, children hear a lot worse in the playground than Santa's isn't real.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:36

DinoDaddy · 30/09/2023 12:35

I think you are over thinking it. It is 2023, children hear a lot worse in the playground than Santa's isn't real.

Haha yes. I've been known to over think on occasion!!

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HairHeGoesHairHeGoesAgain · 30/09/2023 12:37

If he does tell children at school then that's up to their parents to deal with and manage however they see fit. DC3 came home from school and asked me "is Santa real, so and so said he isn't". I asked DC what they thought and they said they thought he was real so I agreed with them and that was that. By the following Christmas they'd worked it out for themselves without any fuss about it.

This.

When I'm asked by year 3/4 children I just say "well do you believe in magic?" Most 7/8/9 year olds want to believe in magic of some kind so go off happy. They're little and innocent for such a short amount of time.

By the time they're in year 5/6 and are cool most of them have worked it out but go along with it.

Hufflemuff · 30/09/2023 12:45

I would be heartbroken as a kid if my mum told me Santa was all a lie. I remember sort of feeling like it wasn't real in y5 but I still made sure I was fast asleep early on Christmas eve - "just incase!!" I felt so happy seeing that the mince pie had disappeared from the plate, even if I was skeptical it was nice to pretend to myself!!

Id also be pretty fucked off if a child in my DD class told her that their mum said Santa was all pretend and it made my DD start to question things.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 12:52

Hufflemuff · 30/09/2023 12:45

I would be heartbroken as a kid if my mum told me Santa was all a lie. I remember sort of feeling like it wasn't real in y5 but I still made sure I was fast asleep early on Christmas eve - "just incase!!" I felt so happy seeing that the mince pie had disappeared from the plate, even if I was skeptical it was nice to pretend to myself!!

Id also be pretty fucked off if a child in my DD class told her that their mum said Santa was all pretend and it made my DD start to question things.

See this! This is why I've put off telling him!
I don't want other children or parents to feel this way!

Put he regularly asks me outright so it's difficult.
So far I've just been saying things like what do you think? Do you believe in magic

He's just like no, so tell me

OP posts:
Chinesemumnottigermum · 30/09/2023 12:57

We had lots of fun putting out mince pie and carrots and having sacks of presents appear with our kids. (We also said presents went to Father Christmas for delivery, but were bought by people.) However we always treated it as an in-joke, that they gradually got wiser too, but never felt they'd been lied to. However because we never actually said he wasn't real, they had no 'facts' to use on school friends!

HairHeGoesHairHeGoesAgain · 30/09/2023 13:04

Id also be pretty fucked off if a child in my DD class told her that their mum said Santa was all pretend and it made my DD start to question things

A kid in my DCs nursery class stood up and said that his dad had said Santa wasn't real. Then again in reception class. (This is because his dad is an arsehole and he told him he wasn't getting any presents, Santa will bring me one, there's no such thing as Santa, they were 4, he didn't get any presents.)

They also have Muslim, Hindu and Sikh children who don't believe in Santa or celebrate Christmas. It's fine.

Some people believe in Santa, some people don't. If you don't believe in Santa, then Santa doesn't come to your house. No biggie.

L1ttledrummergirl · 30/09/2023 13:18

I told my oldest that St Nicholas had started giving gifts to dc on Christmas, and he had travelled the world leaving gifts to bring joy to dc. When he died other people kept his memory alive by doing the same thing, which is why he is known by many names throughout the world.

I told him that he was now old enough to understand that the truth is that for one night of the year, everyone who knows the secret has a little bit of santa in them and that is why we have Christmas. It's to make it special and bring joy to dc who don't understand that yet. Part of that means waiting for them to be ready, like he was, so he mustn't let anyone who isn't ready know.

He kept it quiet from his younger siblings and helped us to choose gifts for Christmas.

noticetomarry · 30/09/2023 13:21

YABU. We were never told, my mum still watched out for Santa in the sky on Christmas Eve & our DC will never be ‘told’. The spirit of Santa is real. Why anyone would crush the magic is beyond me. They have 8-10 Christmases of believing, 5-7 where they are properly aware of it.

Editing to add: we were always told Santa doesn’t visit adults, and stops coming when you go to high school. The getting teased for it isn’t as big deal as you’d think. I did notice my friends stopped talking about it in Y5/Y6 but I presumed that’s because Santa stops visiting older kids.

Mummyratbag · 30/09/2023 13:34

They will hear from school/work it out for themselves! I didn't tell the oldest (just made sure before he left Y6 that not everyone at big school believes so we don't let on that we do - I got a grumpy "I know"). I will do the same for the youngest.

I didn't want anyone to tell me, even though I knew. Even as a teen I loved the magic of a filled stocking appearing overnight (knowing full well Mum had filled it).

The older they got/get I just do less to hid the pretence.. pretty sure most work it out by the end of primary.

noticetomarry · 30/09/2023 13:51

noticetomarry · 30/09/2023 13:21

YABU. We were never told, my mum still watched out for Santa in the sky on Christmas Eve & our DC will never be ‘told’. The spirit of Santa is real. Why anyone would crush the magic is beyond me. They have 8-10 Christmases of believing, 5-7 where they are properly aware of it.

Editing to add: we were always told Santa doesn’t visit adults, and stops coming when you go to high school. The getting teased for it isn’t as big deal as you’d think. I did notice my friends stopped talking about it in Y5/Y6 but I presumed that’s because Santa stops visiting older kids.

Edited

She still watches out, that’s suppose to say! Can’t edit again.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 13:52

I would be happy to keep the magic, and have him half believe, but last year he was asking constantly and it's already started again this year. He wants to know, categorically, if Father Christmas comes on Christmas Eve. He wants to know. And he asks, is he really?
I have done the whole st nick thing, the collective Santa thing, he still says, but I'd rather Christmas real? Does he deliver presents on Christmas Eve to us

I need to either lie and say yes he's real, or confirm that he's not

OP posts:
Mummyratbag · 30/09/2023 14:01

So he sounds like he wants reassurance that he is real? (He says I'd rather he was real).. in which case I would lie and say "well I believe" and change the subject.

Original poster
ReallyFatherChristmas · 30/09/2023 14:31

No I think he would rather he wasn't! The idea of someone coming to the house at night freaks him out !

OP posts:
Violinist64 · 30/09/2023 14:39

He's nearly eight. Next time he mentions it l would just say that there is no Father Christmas but that he mustn't say anything at school as other children might still believe. Reassure him that he will still get his stocking. I, too, find this modern trend of children seemingly believing in Father Christmas until they are nearly at secondary school somewhat bizarre. There can't be many children in reality who have not worked it out by year three.

newlystyle · 30/09/2023 14:40

My son is just turned 7 and almost everyone in his class knows it's not real. I would be surprised that a 7year old still believes this!

newlystyle · 30/09/2023 14:43

Id also be pretty fucked off if a child in my DD class told her that their mum said Santa was all pretend and it made my DD start to question things

But that is your problem and wouldn't affect me at all. It's none of your business what I choose to tell my dc. Why would you think it was?

WeWereInParis · 30/09/2023 14:48

Id also be pretty fucked off if a child in my DD class told her that their mum said Santa was all pretend and it made my DD start to question things

So what age do you think is ok then? If she comes to you and says "Santa isn't real, is her" are you going to check with all the parents of children your DD knows before you tell her?
Surely there's a point where you think it's ok, but it's always possible there'll be another child whose parents will be "fucked off" with you, whatever the age.
You don't get to be the arbiter of what age is acceptable.