To think it would actually be better for ds to be in nursery?

[tlja]

Ds is 11 months. I didn’t plan to go back to work until he was 2.5 ish.

But… he is clearly bored with me! In the last month or so he needs to be out of the house or entertained in some way that doesn’t involve sitting him watching me cook or clean. Obviously I have to do these things so wonder if actually nursery would be better for him, at least some of the week? I end up feeling totally stretched getting through the day and entertaining him non stop or dealing with crying when I’m simply trying to put a wash on!

AIBU to think nursery would actually be good for him? (I’m aware it would probably be good for me 😂 but I’m specifically asking for him..)

Don’t underestimate the benefits of having a child home with a parent. Maybe look into kindergym and play group.

I think there comes a point where yes as you're finding, babies/toddlers do need more active entertainment. But this can be provided by a parent, not nursery.

My routine at that sort of age was: excursion in the morning to a playground or playgroup or library or something; home for lunch and nap: then some playing at home before dinner.

I had a cleaner so only did a small amount of housework during the day - maybe an hour or so during naptime or while the kid was eating.

But if you actively want to go back to work, do! I went back part time after mat leave and it's worked well

I worked in a nursery and would absolutely say that it would be beneficial to him. Trying to integrate a child at 3 to nursery who had never spent time away from a parent/close family member was often really stressful for both parent and child. Just one morning a week will give you a break which will also be good for him and help him learn that when you leave you do always come back!

Do you go to any classes? I didn’t find that stage hit until nearer 18 months, I just always had loads of toys out if I was doing things when he was younger and he’d entertain himself most of the time. If I go to a class in the morning I find it structures our day quite well, if we’re not at a class we’ll go out or go a walk in the morning then home, lunch and an afternoon nap let’s me get loads done. Depends how long they sleep though

I’d personally take him to some parent & toddler groups. Mine all went to nursery as I worked but I wouldn’t have put them in under 2 if I wasn’t working. They catch everything too, especially in winter and I felt bad enough seeing them constantly sick when I needed to use a nursery, so I’d avoid personally and take your child to toddler groups and soft play etc, or swimming, join a zoo / farm etc. Your child would enjoy this with you I’m sure better than a nursery. Enjoy that time as they grow up fast.

Do you do classes with him? Sensory, playgroups, swimming, tumbletots? Daily trips to parks, farms, play cafes? DD didn’t go to nursery until 2.5 when I was ready for the break! Before that our day would be an activity of any of the above on the morning, lunch out or home for lunch then an activity at home on the afternoon, messy play, tuff tray activity off Pinterest and a bit of good old screen time! An episode of Peppa have me 5mins to put something in the slow cooker for tea and luckily I had a cleaner too.

Why does he watch you sit and cook and clean so much? Can you not set up toys he can play with independently, whilst you do a quick job. Get him helping with the jobs as a game..

I'm a childminder, I actually think it's better to teach children that bored is OK, they learn to entertain themselves and not rely on being entertained constantly. He won't be able to have 100% attention at nursery either. I think a lot of behaviour problems come from children expecting 100% entertainment on tap, it's where this screen addiction generation has come from (adults including me too!).

Depends on the child. Some are happy pottering around at home, some (mine) would go crazy doing that.
Mine desperately need A LOT of exercise, as in multiple hours every day, and similar for cognitive stimulation. Playing with toys at home, baking etc is ok for an hour or so but not more. Youngest is now 6 and still needs at least 2 hours intense exercise a day, oldest at 10 has calmed down a bit, but still needs to do sports at least 4-5 times per week to be happy and balanced.

THIS, THIS, THIS 🙌🏼 ex-primary teacher and I say this on repeat. We didn’t grow up with instant entertainment and flashing lights/sounds from iPads in our face every time any possibility of boredom should creep in. I even hate that as an adult I can’t be bored now because of my phone but at least we have built up the skills to be polite etc should we end up bored, children don’t have that

Yabu. Of course he doesn't want to watch you cook and clean! You need to do things with him, that's your job as a parent. It doesn't have to be classes but you need to get out and look at things, talk to him, set up sensory play at home, read to him, etc. I hope you are doing some of this!

No he won't be better off in nursery, he would much prefer to be with you.

You could try wearing him in a sling while you do housework if he likes to be close, I used to do that, but generally you can just involve him in things you are doing, chat to him and give him things to play with.

It's not clear from your post if you are interesting with him at all, if he's just upset when you briefly do things then that's ok! He will be ok for a few minutes. But if you are doing housework for the majority of the day you need to rethink how you are doing things.

@dearcleo @KateyCuckoo there is a world of a difference between a child alone inside, and a group of children together, in a spacious environment. leaving a high energy child at home with only an adult is damaging for these children. having them in a group with other kids and plenty of space to create their own fun is very different.

Do you go to play groups? They are run free at your local children's centre, or failing that, often low cost/free in other venues eg churches.

It sounds like you would like the peace of him being in a nursery, which is fine, but it doesn't mean that's what he needs.

So it wouldn’t actually be better for him, just easier for the staff later on? Also, if you work in a nursery you should know that just one morning a week for a 12 month old would actually be very unsettling.

@MarySmit I was genuinely wondering if nursery would be better for him for part of the week so I have more time to focus on him when we are together.

My DC were ready for 2 short days at nursery once they were walking at about the age of 12 months. It helped alot with social skills. If I'd had a whirlwind social life with lots of contact with small kids then would be less benefit

@Halfemptyhalfling what is a short day? I haven’t looked into it yet.

If you'd prefer to put him into nursery then do that, there's nothing wrong with nursery.

But you can get the same things that you describe at home, which suits some people better.

I tend to try and think of the day in "blocks", so roughly there's something outside of the house, some tasks I'm doing at home with DC self occupying, some time I'm spending doing an activity with them and some downtime for us both (TV basically).

That sounds like a lot but the proportions vary, so going out might be a walk around the block, play at the local park while I listen to a podcast, we might go into town and do some errands or it might be a whole activity that lasts a couple of hours.

Likewise doing some tasks might just be putting some washing on or I might (rarely) do something like a decluttering project.

And doing stuff with them could be playing Lego together for a while, or reading together or doing some colouring or showing them a new toy. It could be 15 mins or an hour. Just depends on what else is going on that day.

What I do think really really helps is having other mum contacts locally so you can meet up at each others houses rather than constantly paying for activities. You make friends and build a support network this way too.

He is a baby! Babies don't need other children to play with. They need adult company, stimulation, guidance, care and love. Childcare is useful and necessary when a primary caregiver needs to work or is otherwise not able to care for the baby but ultimately being at home with a parent learning about the world, self regulation etc. is perfect.

I think it helps them socially and gives them some structure and routine. They do so many activities that I couldn't possibly do aswell as all the cleaning, cooking etc.

My toddler likes to follow the hoover around lol. And thinks he’s helping with laundry (he’s really undoing the help lol). Chores sometimes take longer when he’s around but that’s ok because he’s showing interest. Sometimes he gets bored and cranky when I’m doing chores. That’s also ok because they need done. I also take him to groups and days out etc. get creative with him etc. always let him join in and help if he wants - one day he will be good at it haha.

soemtines he is good at entertaining himself when o do chores. He gets impatient while I’m prepping dinner :/
he goes to nursery when I work which I admit was only because I went back to work and we had no other options but he has benefited from it so much and it’s such a wonderful nursery. He gets so excited going in. He also gets so excited to see me at the end of the day. He just loves everything. The days I don’t work I take him swimming, library, galleries, parks, music class, play dates, garden, art etc etc.

but Now that he has been going to nursery a few months and loves it and gets so much from I’d probably still send him a couple days even if I didn’t need anymore.

The nursery had the option of 9 until 3ish rather than 9 until 5:30.

At his age it’s purely for your benefit not his. He’ll get very little out of before the age of 2 but if you feel like you’d be a better parent for having a break 2 mornings a week then no judgement, go ahead and do it. However, if it’s just about the housework then get a cleaner once a week. It’ll be cheaper and you can use the time you get back to take him out to groups, playgrounds etc.

How much time are you spending cooking and cleaning? Of course some chores need to be done, but your main focus during the day should be your DS, whether you're taking him out or playing with him at home. I don't think your DS "needs" nursery but I do think it's absolutely fine for you to go down that route if you're finding it hard to juggle everything. Could you consider getting a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? That would be cheaper than nursery fees, and have the same effect of you being able to spend more time with DS.

Nurseries are brilliant. DT’s went full time from six months old as I wanted to return to my career. Nurseries are interesting to babies and toddlers - lots of different activities and other children. Opportunities to do messy play which I hated.