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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should a 5 year old be in a car seat?

61 replies

treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 17:37

Car seats and 5 year olds. If a child is regularly going in a car with a parent, three times a week for two 40 minute journeys each way, do they have to be in a car seat or a booster? To add he also has him for weeks in the holidays and drives longer journeys with no car seat. My ex is refusing to put my son in one. My son is 121.5cms and weighs 23kgs. I'm struggling to understand the Government guidance. I've offered a high back for him to use, and a booster to have, but he's completely refusing. The added issue is that my son also refuses to wear a selt belt and so his dad has disabled the automatic alarm. So he's just sitting in the backseat 70s style. Is there anything I can do about this? Am I being unreasonable? I'm so worried about my son. Is there somewhere where I can report to?

OP posts:
Original poster
treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 18:19

If nearly 11 year old is 142 CMS does he need to be on a booster?

OP posts:
ChristmasKraken · 29/09/2023 18:22

treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 18:19

If nearly 11 year old is 142 CMS does he need to be on a booster?

No, because the law is 12 OR 135cm tall. Your older child is over 135cm so doesn't need one. Your 5 year old definitely does.

CakeInAJar · 29/09/2023 18:24

100% yes! Unless they’re 135cm tall, which is very tall for a 5yo.

My 10yo is still in a car seat much to her annoyance. She’s 5cm off not having one

MsPolly · 29/09/2023 18:28

Your ex is a dick for putting him at such risk. Even a small collision could be fatal! Report to the police
Strictly speaking the safest seat he could be in would be an extended rear facing seat but at the very least he needs a HBB with a crotch pad (and only if he's sensible enough to sit still and not mess with his seatbelt.

Fallingthroughclouds · 29/09/2023 18:32

Police, your ex has serious issues if he thinks endangering your son like this is in any way OK. Plus highly illegal.

buckingmad · 29/09/2023 18:34

I’d tip the police off when you know he’s driving.

AvengedQuince · 29/09/2023 18:35

treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 18:19

If nearly 11 year old is 142 CMS does he need to be on a booster?

No, he does not legally need one. However, depending on the car he might be more comfortable on a booster cushion. Some seatbelts are quite high on the backseat so might cut across a child's neck and be uncomfortable, children may then wear it incorrectly to avoid this, I did as a child.

PercytheParkKeepershedgehog · 29/09/2023 18:35

Don’t worry about the extended rear facing thing. Yes it would be the safest option but he’s coming to the end of the height range for many of those anyway.
The fact he is not wearing a seatbelt is the biggest issue.
Also a massive issue is the carseat. He needs a booster seat for the seatbelt to sit correctly on his body. This means it will work properly in an accident and keep him in his seat and he’s also less likely to be injured by the belt itself. High backed booster WITH THE SEATBELT BUCKLED UP would be the option I would be pushing for at his age and height.
The driver is responsible for the seatbelts and carseats used by passengers under the age of 14. You could absolutely report your ex to the police for this. They’d have to catch him in the act to fine him I think.

PurBal · 29/09/2023 18:38

Yes! Except for absolute emergencies. I was walking home, 2 miles, and a neighbour stopped to offer me and DS a lift. Hammering it down, I’m soaked through, no way would I have taken them up on the lift, I’d rather walk 40 minutes in the rain!

ohsuzannah · 29/09/2023 18:38

He's turned the alarm off?! What an absolute idiot 😡

Tireddoggy · 29/09/2023 18:40

No car seat = no passenger ! You must stand your ground on this…absolutely no negotiating. Why does your child refuse?

Flipflopflopflip · 29/09/2023 18:40

Holy moly...child won't wear a seatbelt so the dad disabled the alarm, he is beyond stupid. How dangerous, I would report to the police. I'm not sure what they could do but worth a try. That's insane

Tryingmybestadhd · 29/09/2023 18:49

Call the police on him until they stop him . Also contact ss as your child is being put in serious danger .

Original poster
treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 20:20

Tried to speak to him when he came to pick them up. It was DV so I have to be careful and don’t usually go out which is why I didn’t know until now. I told kids to stay inside. Went out, asked him, he got back in the car i went to the other side and opened the back car door…no seats..asked him where they were and he just screamed and screamed at me. He tried to drive off then got out came round to me and slammed the door, I was lucky not to get my arm trapped. He then wheel spinned off. Without kids. I guess he’ll be threatening court again. Turns out this has been going on for two years. I think he’s insane. I’ve had other safeguarding concerns but the bar is very very high with social services, I wonder if they’ll even take this seriously. They’ll probably just say “but he must love his kids if He turns up for contact..” the system is broken. I bet he’ll take me to court and end up with the kids or some such BS and I’ll be accused of being unhinged as per usual

OP posts:
Weedoormatnomore · 29/09/2023 20:58

As everyone said report to police for breaking the law.

viques · 29/09/2023 21:04

Two kids, no seatbelts. Kerching £1000. £500 each.

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 21:05

treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 17:57

His brother who is 11 has told me he refuses to wear it. He’s not a liar. The younger one just laughs and says yes that’s right

Then do not allow him to go. Not a chance in hell would I allow my 5 year old to go in a car with no restraint at all!

Zanatdy · 29/09/2023 21:06

Sorry but no chance my child would be going if he refused to make him wear a seat belt. He could be killed in an accident. Sorry to be blunt but how can a parent in 2023 not put a seat belt on a child? What kind of parent is that?

Nomorescreentime · 29/09/2023 21:10

I’d actually refuse access for that. It’s against the law and surely would be classed as neglecting their safety.

Nomorescreentime · 29/09/2023 21:12

Oh goodness I just saw your update. Good for you. Keep a log of what happened and stick by your guns. Hope you and kids are ok.

Fallingthroughclouds · 29/09/2023 21:30

treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 20:20

Tried to speak to him when he came to pick them up. It was DV so I have to be careful and don’t usually go out which is why I didn’t know until now. I told kids to stay inside. Went out, asked him, he got back in the car i went to the other side and opened the back car door…no seats..asked him where they were and he just screamed and screamed at me. He tried to drive off then got out came round to me and slammed the door, I was lucky not to get my arm trapped. He then wheel spinned off. Without kids. I guess he’ll be threatening court again. Turns out this has been going on for two years. I think he’s insane. I’ve had other safeguarding concerns but the bar is very very high with social services, I wonder if they’ll even take this seriously. They’ll probably just say “but he must love his kids if He turns up for contact..” the system is broken. I bet he’ll take me to court and end up with the kids or some such BS and I’ll be accused of being unhinged as per usual

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you got a family support worker? Refuse contact until he gets legal car seats. Record every text, conversation and screenshot any SM posts you find. He 100% should not be having contact with your kids at this time.

Mamai90 · 29/09/2023 21:39

PurBal · 29/09/2023 18:38

Yes! Except for absolute emergencies. I was walking home, 2 miles, and a neighbour stopped to offer me and DS a lift. Hammering it down, I’m soaked through, no way would I have taken them up on the lift, I’d rather walk 40 minutes in the rain!

This 100%.

I've been offered lifts when it's been bucketing it down, but no way would I risk my child's life even a 2 minute car journey.

If that was my 5 year old he wouldn't be getting in the car, report him to SS and the police.

Wallywobbles · 29/09/2023 22:00

My neighbor killed her child in these circumstances. It really does happen.

rainbowsparkle28 · 29/09/2023 22:03

Of course he needs a car seat - ideally an ERF 25kg one. I would be saying to his "father" that unless he cannot take his responsibility seriously and ensure his child is safe snd secure in the car he cannot have him (you cannot trust he can keep him safe otherwise) and equally simply do not go / stop the car if your child is playing silly fools with the seat belt. He is 5 years old and it is too much of a risk to take with your child's life so you need to come down hard on this, it is not up for debate. Equally as others have said you could contact the police.

Snugglemonkey · 29/09/2023 22:18

I would also report to the police.