son meeting other woman

[Mollylegs]

Hi, I hope I don't get too slated for being daft. Back story, my hubby together nearly 22 years left me last year after meeting another person. My husband still denies to this day, helped along by my mother in law that he was with her since the summer. They kept telling my boy that they only met in November which wasn't true. The whole thing hit me so hard, I have tried to not be a bitch about the other woman but sometimes I have blurted something out about his dad cheating. I think my son knows in his heart of hearts that his dad did lie. His dad sometimes sees him maybe every couple of months then sometimes a bit more at my sons grandmas for tea. My son is 19 so obviously not a child, I can't and wouldn't tell him what he can or can not do regarding his dad. His dad has phoned him twice this week which is unusual in itself, he never rings, rarely texts. His dad has asked him to go up to the area he moved to which is rough as a badgers arse tomorrow night to go drinking and to meet the other woman, sorry if it seems I'm not being very kind towards her most people say its only the husbands fault but she knew he was married, she has 4 kids to 4 different dads and I'm told she's quite happy to break up a marriage if it takes her fancy. She has history of it. I can't explain how sick I feel and to be honest totally jealous which I wasn't expecting. I know I'm going to have to just take it but any words of wisdom, any ideas how to stop the knot that is burning in my tummy. My boy still seems to hero worship his dad to a certain extent but he's never made me aware if his dad has asked him to go out with them before now. AIBU to feel this way, probably know the answer myself or is this a normal way to be feeling? Thanks in advance if anyone fancies replyng xx

Don't let your son's time with you be negative, stressful awkward and about this anger at his dickhead of a father, be ambivalent about it imo even if you have (very normal and understandable) bad feelings about the twat and his arse of a gf. If you hold on to the negativity and let your son feel that whilst his dad does going out for good times you run the risk of alienating your son imo.

Hi OP

I wanted to post as I went through a similar experience, although my son was only a baby then. It hurt like hell to be the bigger person but it was the right thing to do for DS.

ExH and the OW lasted a few years then it, predictably, ended. I have a good relationship with ExH and DS doesn't remember much of what happened, but anything he does remember isn't coloured with trauma or feelings of upset.

So I guess I wanted to let you know that your feelings are entirely justified and you're not alone. But please try and dig deep to let your son feel comfortable meeting the OW. He might be 19, but he is still your child and your actions have the ability to affect him deeply.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, please know you're not alone x

Hi @Inkpotlover I was so annoyed at how his dad treat him, he does love his dad and miss him and his dad doesn't see much of him. I have always wanted him to see more of his dad and I would never stop him. I was peed off last night but I wouldn't stop him going x

Thank you @maddening I will take that onboard x

Thank you @YellowRibbon710 I know unfortunately I have said stuff to him when I've been really upset and I shouldn't have. I'm only human and it hurts like hell xx

It's tough as your ex did the dirty (men cannot be excused from cheating because the ow was a temptress!) but as adults our kids get to choose what their future relationship will be with their other parent. One of my dcs refuses to meet any girlfriends and still blames her dad (was no ow, I'm now in a long term relationship she is fine with) the other is more understanding but thinks hes stupid all the same

@gotomomo thank you, I can"t forgive either of them but my son will make his own min d up x

Reading between the lines it won't be too long before your ex's new partner moves on to someone new .