Group of oldest friends forgot my birthday.

[Upsetorjustpregnant]

AIBU? Right so I get we’re all busy, people forget things, days and weeks go by quickly and we all have things going on but…
It was my birthday yesterday, not a significant one. I’m also 37 weeks pregnant
so this might just be hormones. But my group of oldest friends completely forgot my birthday. No texts on the group WhatsApp or individual messages. Only 2 of this group remembered as we usually meet on a Thursday for a coffee and it was a coincidence that it was my birthday on this day. These two friends very kindly bought me my coffee and a little slice of cake and put a candle on it. I was delighted it was very sweet! (Genuinely wasn’t expecting anything and was very touched by it!)
But the rest of the group, zilch! I’m very disappointed and upset. We always text to the group if it’s someone’s birthday. Wasn’t looking for anything else just a bloody text. I often feel like I’m an outsider of the group even though we’re friends for 20 years plus. This has made me feel wretched and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve spent most of this morning so far in tears.
This is added to the fact my husband (who to his credit has been unbelievably busy at work trying to get things sorted so he can take time off when new baby comes) forgot to get me a present. He said ‘sorry it just kind of creeped up on me’. He came home with flowers and chocolate but then spent the evening asleep on the couch. He’s normally so sweet and thoughtful that I’m just chalking it up life being busy. Just feel a bit forgotten, and second best. AIBU and childish? Haven’t said anything to the group nor will I. And I’m won’t say anything to hubby as he is genuinely very stressed and busy and is normally so good. Don’t know why I’m writing this. I suppose I have no one else to say this to, as they’ve all forgotten my birthday and don’t want to seem passive aggressive! Arghhhhhh!!! And also why should I care, I’m not a fecking child whose birthday was forgotten!

Happy birthday OP 💐
Regardless of how busy he’s been, it’s really poor of your husband. He could have ordered something online, booked a table for dinner, etc; it takes no time at all.
Im sorry your friends forgot. It’s really shit. YANBU or childish.

Hope u ok op and Happy Birthday. Im finding people lax lately too. Yes they could have sent a message

Its nearly the weekend so book a table for lunch tomorrow. Celebrate then. Can you think of a gift you would like? You could go shopping for it or get the DH to order it. Don't give up quite yet.

As for your friends, that is a little awkward unless its appropriate to say "I'm out for lunch with DH for my B-day" It depends on the nature of the wattsapp group .
Happy Birthday OP!

I would say something to husband, along the lines: I totally get why you forgot, you have so much on your plate. But it really upset me. I felt so neglected and low priority. I just don't want it to become a habit that stop making an effort with each other. That's how love dies.'

Imo, it's important to pick people up politely when they lower the boundaries of respect and affection towards you. Tell them, 'Don't do that' and if they love you, they won't.

Harder with friends. I wouldn't say anything. I've had similar and just let it go before. and occasionally forgotten close friends' birthdays but always made up for it afterwards when I remembered.

I wouldn't be too bothered about the friends as I don't know exactly what date my friends birthdays are (I rely on someone else saying first in the group or a FB reminder). We've never sent cards or for presents apart from big birthdays. I'd be very annoyed at my dh though. Being busy is no excuse for him. I'm surprised you're more annoyed at your friends than your dh.

I’m a bit older than you and I have to admit that I think you are being a bit unreasonable… people do start to let this sort of thing slip as time passes. I can barely manage my own kids birthdays now let alone friends… but I hope my friends forgive me (as I do them).

And I think you aren’t too annoyed with your DH, rightly. Just extend that understanding to your friends too.

Happy birthday for yesterday 🥳
You are not being unreasonable or hormonal. Your friends and your husband are rubbish! Everyone wants to be thought of and remembered on their special day.

The thing is, although it's nice when people remember themselves, sometimes you need to nudge people to get what you want. Next year, preempt your friends' forgetfulness by sending a message a week before to ask whether anyone is free for a birthday coffee. They might not be, but at least they'll remember to send you a message on the day.
Likewise with your husband, next year, a week before, suggest a restaurant you want to go to for a birthday meal. No excuses for him to forget!

I completely understand why you're feeling upset OP. Is this your first baby too? Not a nice feeling when lots of different people all forgot your special day. 😕

I'd be more annoyed about your husband

I think you are being a bit silly to be upset by this and then keep quiet. I bet your friends would be sad if they knew you were upset by it.

Why don't you post on your group chat or on whatever SM you use that's it's your birthday. It's easy to forget birthdays.

In my friendship groups birthdays would come up in conversation. So people know ahead of time that it's someone's birthday.

Hope your husband does something lovely with you this weekend.

It hurts when people forget. You want to be thought of by those you care about. I have one old friend who always remembers. Another who usually forgets.

My own mother has forgotten my birthday several times. That stings. I only have one sibling. Mum has never forgotten theirs, in fact always goes all out.

Try to let it go with your friends, but don't contribute to any of theirs in future.

Good luck with the baby. There's nothing like newborn cuddles 💕.

Happy Birthday Upsetorjustpregnant 😘

There must be something in the air - it was my birthday yesterday too and there were some gaping holes in the day.

My entire family is made up of a total of 7 of us, but I do have some lifelong and firm friends.

I had 3 birthday activities planned for the week, 2 of which were cancelled and the main one ended up being with 2 family members instead of all 7 of us getting together.

I’d asked to do a very simple, inexpensive thing with my 2 closest family members and the night before my birthday they both asked me if I’d booked anything. Ummmmm, no - because that was supposed to be up to them to book.

My best friend never remembers, so the lack of contact from her was unsurprising and others didn’t message until I posted the obligatory “thanks for the birthday wishes” thing online in response to messages from people I went to school with 30 years ago but haven’t seen since.

It feels SHIT Upsetorjustpregnant, it really does. Never the top of anyone’s priority list but supposed to act gracious for the scraps of people’s time.

I show up for (either in person or via message) for everyone else but it’s never reciprocated.

I get that people are busy, but come on - what has happened to showing kindness to those we share our lives with?

You are as far from unreasonableness as it is possible to be. Happy Birthday 🥳

Happy birthday

So many are busy being busy, aren't they?

I could forget acquaintance's birthdays. But not close friends' birthdays. I'm rubbish with dates although I remember the month, so birthdays are in my diary. We normally get together even if its just a couple of hours brunch/lunch thing. That's really poor of your husband tho. I think people have lost the art of consideration nowadays, living normal family life as many of us do but speaking and acting as if they're running a country and don't have 1 hour to themselves to meet a friend occasionally.

Happy Birthday OP don't let the behaviour of others spoil it for you. The friends who made an effort are those who matter

It’s crap when everyone forgets.

But as an adult you do have to remind people - not your husband obviously but it sounds like he has some excuse.

It’s fine to be a bit wounded but don’t make it more than it is. Go out for lunch this weekend.

You say that none of this group of friends remembered, but then that 2 did. So - 2 did.
I think it’s odd that you’re so upset about friends but so quick to excuse your husband - who definitely owes you more care and attention than your friends. In my social group, there are a lot of, “shit, sorry - did I miss your birthday?” messages. I think people in the last 10 years have switched to expecting Facebook to remind them!
I would do 3 things:

• enjoy the thoughtfulness of the cake
• message the whole group in a non passive aggressive way and say you fancy a drink to mark your birthday, who’s in?
• make sure your husband knows he needs to show more care

Join the club. It was my birthday last month and I’ve got a husband and a DD and DS. Not one of them got me a present or even a card. I’ve never really been spoilt on my birthdays but to get absolutely nothing was heartbreaking. I’ve never felt so hurt in all my life. It’s my 50th next year and my friend is also 50 10 days before me so I’m thinking about a few days abroad just the 2 of us as she’s exactly the same as me regarding birthdays and not getting anything. I definitely don’t want my 50th to be as bad as previous birthdays as I think it’s a bit of a milestone.

I turned 40 yesterday OP. So we r birthday buddies. Not one of my university friends sent me a message to say Happy birthday. One of them sent a message today. I am yet to respond. I am one of the younger ones in the group. They all got Happy birthday messages as it's a milestone birthday. I am annoyed. I had a great day though with family so ultimately it is fine and I won't lose sleep over it.

It is crap is it. I've gave up expecting fuss or even birthday wishes. My friends birthdays are in the month or so before mine and I never forget to wish them happy birthday but I actually can't tell you the last time they remembered mine but I'm not petty enough to stop wishing them. It never usually annoys me but for some reason it really did this year. My family aren't the best at remembering either so I have pretty low expectations anyways. I think this year I did feel a bit sad for myself when I realised that I'm actually hoping for the bare minimum of people to just be remembered

Happy birthday for yesterday, OP. 💐

I'd be cross with your DH, but I think it's normal for friends to forget. I had a massive milestone birthday last year ... and only one friend remembered.

YANBU to be upset at all but also I don’t think you should take it personally.

With your husband, you should tell him straight that it made you really sad and you would love a birthday present or special night out. Set your expectations without giving him too much of a hard time (as you say he’s stressed). Something like “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad and I know you forgot because you’re stressed, but I feel very hurt about not having anything special on my birthday, do you think we could pretend Saturday is my birthday and have a re-do? I’d love if we could go out for lunch and choose a present”.

With friends - I feel like our generation had a great time of birthday reminders with Facebook and then Instagram birthday messages, but that does seem to be fading off now.

I only remember my friends birthdays as I have them written down on a pinned note. Even then I sometimes forget and send a message a few days later. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them!

This method actually told me it was my close friends birthday last week and I sent a message to some of our other common friends and they had all actually forgotten - so the only reason she got messages was because of my note!

As adults we really need to help our friends out by reminding them it’s our birthday - say something the week before, organise a lunch, tell one of the group and they’ll probably say something in the WhatsApp and then everyone will remember.

Happy Birthday for yesterday 😊

I was going to say some of your friends have been very thoughtless here. I then remembered I was mortified earlier this year when I forgot to text a good friend on their birthday. It’s so unlike me as I really try to make an effort for those important to me. I set alarms for birthdays etc I just don’t know what happened. I had such a lot going on (long story) I simply forgot. I sent a text next day but I still feel bad. So even those of us who pride themselves on being organised can forget, let alone those who are mega busy and don’t put as much value on birthday texts etc. The main thing is I care for my friend dearly and me forgetting wasn’t a deliberate slight or intentional, and I’m sure it wasn’t in your case. It still hurts though I know.

PPs give some good advice and I remember a lifestyle guru type person saying this once. If you do feel you’ll be upset, don’t wait to be disappointed. Book that meal and tell your husband, pop in your friends’ chat that you can’t believe you’re 37 tomorrow or whatever. Just a nudge. If you’re silent hoping people will remember and they don’t, no one wins.

Good luck with the baby and next year pre warn hubby in advance that baby needs to send a card and prezzie!

Meh. At our birthdays it's usually the person who's birthday it is organises something. Unless it's a significant one when someone might organise it.
I know my best friend was born in October but not the actual date!

My friends did this, I said nothing for a couple of weeks and then when I was due to be another person's birthday one piped up with "have we missed your birthday?" I then had a go at them. I'd obviously simmered down the in the weeks that had past but I was still hurt and let them know that.

I know people get busy etc but surely if you have a group of 6 friends you can remember their birthdays. My best friends birthdays still go on the calender.