Group of oldest friends forgot my birthday.

[Upsetorjustpregnant]

AIBU? Right so I get we’re all busy, people forget things, days and weeks go by quickly and we all have things going on but…
It was my birthday yesterday, not a significant one. I’m also 37 weeks pregnant
so this might just be hormones. But my group of oldest friends completely forgot my birthday. No texts on the group WhatsApp or individual messages. Only 2 of this group remembered as we usually meet on a Thursday for a coffee and it was a coincidence that it was my birthday on this day. These two friends very kindly bought me my coffee and a little slice of cake and put a candle on it. I was delighted it was very sweet! (Genuinely wasn’t expecting anything and was very touched by it!)
But the rest of the group, zilch! I’m very disappointed and upset. We always text to the group if it’s someone’s birthday. Wasn’t looking for anything else just a bloody text. I often feel like I’m an outsider of the group even though we’re friends for 20 years plus. This has made me feel wretched and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve spent most of this morning so far in tears.
This is added to the fact my husband (who to his credit has been unbelievably busy at work trying to get things sorted so he can take time off when new baby comes) forgot to get me a present. He said ‘sorry it just kind of creeped up on me’. He came home with flowers and chocolate but then spent the evening asleep on the couch. He’s normally so sweet and thoughtful that I’m just chalking it up life being busy. Just feel a bit forgotten, and second best. AIBU and childish? Haven’t said anything to the group nor will I. And I’m won’t say anything to hubby as he is genuinely very stressed and busy and is normally so good. Don’t know why I’m writing this. I suppose I have no one else to say this to, as they’ve all forgotten my birthday and don’t want to seem passive aggressive! Arghhhhhh!!! And also why should I care, I’m not a fecking child whose birthday was forgotten!

I've noticed when people have kids their lives are so much busier, and they do genuinely forget friends birthdays. I had a group, and we made an effort on birthdays. We met up and bought them a drink. Then I had children and I had so much more to think about and organise, I stopped remembering friends birthdays. Obviously if I see it's someone's birthday on social media, I'll send a message. But I just don't have it in me to do extra. From now on just remember the 2 friends who were there on your birthday. Forget the others birthdays.

I was once part of the “birthday forgetting” group. 4 of us in the group, friends for 10 years and none of us realised/ connected what the date was… so poor friend got no birthday wishes until a few days later. I felt really awful.
It was definitely nothing to do with not valuing her as a friend.

I’ve now downloaded the birthdays app to remind me.

I think I was quite reliant on Facebook reminders for birthdays for a long time but I don’t use it now.

Make it happen for your 50th. Go and have a great time with your friend and leave the rest to get on with it.

Happy belated birthday @Upsetorjustpregnant 🎁🎉

I also think that your DH should be spoiling you this weekend and I would be talking to him about how it made you feel - I bet you make a fuss of him on his birthday!!

Your friends are trickier; the two that showed up obviously made the effort and that’s lovely. Birthday drinks are not so appealing, perhaps, when you’re 37 weeks pregnant! Also depends on your friendship group and what they usually like to do. I don’t think it would hurt to send a group WhatsApp suggested a belated birthday coffee and cake, or perhaps you could host a cocktail/mock tail evening?

@Alfiesmom74 this is awful! Please don’t accept this as normal, you deserve so much more… go book that 50th birthday getaway!

I’m pretty certain I’d develop Birthday amnesia for DH’s birthday (possibly the kids if they are 18+ too). That’s an awful way to treat your wife/mum 💐

I’m sorry to hear this. Defo book that 50th trip with your friend ☀️🍹😊

I get you OP. That’s really rubbish of DH and your friends think I’d say something like “Iv treated myself to a new xyz for my birthday “ just to make a point & don’t worry about being passive aggressive on this one! (And then defo treat yourself to something too 😁) Cheers 🥂

I would be more annoyed about your DH than your friends.

In my friendship groups, it's always been the birthday person who's organised something, but I appreciate that may not be the norm for you.

YANBU. I’d be upset as well. Pg hormones also prob making everything so much more emotional that usual as well. I’d be forgetting their bdays as well…. Oh sorry I’ve been really busy with the baby etc! See how they like it. Just because they’re long term friends doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the right people to be friends with, I’ve learn that the hard way. It’s not hard to put a reminder in your phone.

Erm get over it sorry no one I know bothers much with birthdays once your over30 or have kids ! Yes nice to get the odd text Facebook happy birthdays but wouldn’t expect anything else unless a big birthday !

What a load of baloney!

Birthdays don't stop when you're 30.

Happy belated birthday OP.

Everyone forgot mine last year. No acknowledgement until lunch time when DH finally remembered. No family birthday breakfast or tea. No cake. A couple of hastily grabbed pressies towards the evening and the next day. After being reminded by social media, one close friend wrote, “You kept that quiet!” I was like, “not really, it’s been on this date every year, it’s never changed 🤪”

I did cry. It does hurt, you have my empathy.

I think YABU to make all the excuses under the sun as to why it’s ok that your DH don’t make much effort but you’re hurt about your friends. They are both shit.

Yes a text on your wats app group would have been nice

The 2 you met did they know it was your birthday hence they brought cake and candle

or did you say it was and they then said omg. Happy birthday then got came and candle from
Behind counter

Dh is wrong as well. Yes can be busy but can buy something off Amazon to get delivered

You got flowers and chocolates, and a nice coffee out with friends - that sounds quite good going for an adult birthday.
It's a massive over-reaction to feel 'wretched' because the rest of the group didn't send a meaningless text.

Oh bless you, happy birthday xx
You are right to feel how you feel - not only has your husband forgotten but your friendship group effectively has too - and I’m sure when it’s their birthdays you make a lot of effort.
I would be more hurt/disappointed/furious with your husband tbh. Friends have their own busy lives with their core people but you and your husband are each other’s core people and he should have remembered.
Even more so because you are pregnant.

When he is up and around I would explain your feelings to him, they are entirely valid.

I am sorry 💐

YANBU at all. Being 37 weeks pregnant your hormones are all over the place and your feelings are completely valid. Don't feel embarrassed to have gotten upset. Your friends suck for forgetting your birthday, but try to focus on the positives that your 2 friends remembered. Once you have calmed down a little, I would speak to the group to let them know you were upset.
As for your husband, he probably has so much on his mind right now. I personally would forgive him for this year, especially since he brought home flowers and chocolates. I would however make it known that he'd better make up for it next year!
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, focus on yourself and bubba <3

It is upsetting but I think with friendship groups it's better to send a reminder along the lines of - it's my birthday next Thursday if anyone's free to meet up for tea and cake. Then you've given them a heads up.

It's hard to remember all the dates. Even when I know the date of someone's birthday by heart sometimes on the day I just literally don't realise what the date is and before I know it, it's passed me by.

My birthday is just after Christmas and apart from my kids no one ever remembered or bothered. I don't care anymore it's just a other day now.

I love my friends dearly but I don't know when any of their birthdays are. Not sending a message no way indicates how much esteem I hold them in.

I have been known to forget my own birthday.

I understand being disappointed that your friends didn’t text, I would expect one to at least remember but even if they did they might have been busy, didn’t get around to their phones yet. Or maybe genuinely forgot and birthdays just aren’t a life priority and don’t really show how much people care for you.
As for you OH, I disagree with most comments. It’s not the end of the world that he forgot a gift. He’s aware he did. He’s sorry and tried to do his best which right now is some flowers and chocolate. if you’d like to go out for your birthday and he hasn’t mentioned it then say “what do you think about going to xx on xx to celebrate together?”.
it’s your birthday. You want to enjoy it. Don’t let people control it.