Considering officially separating over DH mess?

[Mommabearof8]

I’ve been married 5 years, with DH 10 years. Two daughters 5&3. Dd (5) has kidney disease.

We have been living apart since January, I got my own house. The decision to stay together was made but slowly try to fix the issues etc. Our living conditions are worlds apart.

we both do joint 50/50 parenting BUT I don’t think I’m willing to invest in it anymore as I’m sick of trying to get through to him. His house is literally an absolute mess, it’s a tip, dirty, untidy on a whole new level and my three year old now saying too nursery she likes mummy’s house as it nice, clean and not smelly.

I’ve actually at my wits end trying to get through to him, no matter how much I moan, shout, try to even reason with him he just doesn’t get off his arse and clean up.

I’ve even said I don’t want my sick child in that and have refused over the past few weeks to allow any stays at his house.

im ready to just throw in the towel and let him live in squalor, entirely walk away from this relationship and just make sure my girls are with me 100%

I feel awful about it as my DDs adore him but if he can’t help himself then I can’t keep investing in this.

PS He doesn’t work is claiming UC and is trying to say he “thinks” he maybe has something wrong with him.

I have PTSD, renal issues, a very bad injury to my leg and look after my children whilst also having a job so I don’t buy his excuses

I defo don’t think I’m being unreasonable

It's possible that he has "something wrong with him" as he puts it. It's possible that he is mentally ill, or that he has a neurological disorder or condition. Lots of things are possible and any number of these could make it extremely difficult or impossible for him to keep a tidy home, remember appointments, shop etc.

HOWEVER

You are not obligated to sort this out for him. Indeed, you can't sort this out for him. He needs to seek support and, if appropriate a diagnosis and treatment, for himself. You cannot do this for him, even if you wanted to. And more importantly than that, your children should not be living with the fallout of his lifestyle, whatever the reason for him living as he does. They need a clean and healthy environment where they feel safe and are cared for properly.

You are doing the right thing. All you can do is take care of yourself and your children. You cannot help someone who won't help themselves.

The bit that would worry me is that you are married and have a decent income and he is jobless and running up debt.... get rid of him legally and financially ASAP before he has any more claim over you!