Do you have Shit Life Syndrome?

[ifuckinghateithere]

Do you think it's a thing?

I'm lucky in that I usually enjoy a lot of my daily life but then the odd time, the overall trajectory gets me down. Didn't grow up with my parents. Complicated family dynamics. I have a serious chronic illness since childhood and now as an adult numerous health issues.

Infertility due to my health is really devastating me at the moment, hence the thread. I would have loved a child of my own.

Does it sound like I have Shit Life Syndrome?

Do you have it?

That does sound pretty shit for you, I'm sorry to hear you've had to go through so much bad stuff.

I've also got Shit Life Syndrome but in different ways to you and yes it gets me down a lot. You're not alone, even though it feels that way most of the time. I find it quite isolating as most of my peers just don't get it, they don't understand but they think they do. I find that most people don't realise or appreciate their privilege. I'm praised for being strong and independent and that pisses me off, I just want to be like everyone else, I don't want to have been through/going through so much shit. I want to stamp my feet and yell "it's not fair" but instead I crack on and get on with life.

Sorry that things have not been Easy for you. Life can throw shit at us during childhood and as an adult. I guess we just have to hold on to the good bits .

Yes I think I have it
Sexual abuse as child, learning difficulties, 3 children with special needs/mental health issues . DV issues (not me as such) but the situation put our life in danger. 2 evictions. Shit at relationships.. rejected by one parents. Looked after My dad when he had cancer.

But then still get through it because I have to there's no choice. Have to be strong .and live for the good bits even if they are small. Little things that mean so much. The hugs from my children. The I loves you 20+ tines a day the silliness the jokes . And a little reflection to acknowledge to myself how far we have come.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

Honestly having watched YouTube live streams of the streets of philadelphia today where hundreds of people are shooting up in the streets, clearly at the lowest ebb life can offer them its made me re-assess what areas of my life I thought were shit and be greatful for being able to pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with it!

I'm so sorry to those of you who also have more than your fair share of shit to deal with. It isn't fair, I know life isn't generally, but it can be hard to cope with everything when there is too much shit.

I sometimes feel like that. However, from good therapy, I'm wary of reinforcing such negative messages to myself! If I even jokily tell myself my life is shit, it just reinforces the voice in my head that points out everything that is wrong and lacking. Sorry if this is drearily earnest as a response, but one thing I've found really helpful when struggling with the hand I've been dealt in life is trying to aim towards "a life worth living", considering what I find enjoyable and meaningful in life and what is it in my control to achieve.

Do you think it's a thing?

Doctors use the term so yes, it is a thing. I am grateful not to have it but the wheel can spin at any time.

Infertility is shit and I speak from experience…lots of it!
However, I made a pledge I would be a mother come hell or high water…and I am. You can be one too, just be open to ALL options. Sending you light. X

Yes, agree that those poor people are at the lowest ebb.

It's very difficult as it's not always possible for a person to pull themselves up by boot straps though. I have cried so much today because my health has totally fucked my career, and totally wiped out my ability to have a baby. No amount of boot strapping can fix that.

I say that fully acknowledging that I'm actually very lucky on the other hand, because normally I do really enjoy life and am not in permanent despair like those poor people shooting up in the street, I'm just really sad about things at regular intervals. There but for the grace of God go I though.

OP, another thing that helped me deal with childlessness when it previously was driving me over the edge was the concept of "radical acceptance". I won't try to explain it but I recommend googling it

Oh yes, I have but I don’t focus on the tragedy of it, I just look back at it and think how amazing it is that all that shit never brought me down on a permanent basis.

There are three mantras I live by:

1. Good enough is good enough
2. what happens to you doesn’t define who you are
3. Don’t be a victim, it disempowers you (this one has kept me standing through the absolutely shittiest times of my life).

Sympathies on the infertility; it is truly heartbreaking. I’m a Mum now but it was in doubt at one time. As a pp says though, there’s more than one way to become a parent…

I used to wonder if I got more shit than most people or if I was just worse at dealing with it than most..I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD later in life and then it kind of clicked it was a bit of both. It also means I’m more prone to anxiety and health problems. Sometimes I do look at other people and think I’ve got it better than some but it is rough. Today I just want to curl up in a ball.

Hi there I am so sorry things are shit for you atm but I've found all the cliches to be right in the end. Ie when one door closes, another (better one) opens up ✅
It has to get low to bounce high ✅
Things can only get better ✅
Feel like life always has ups and downs.
I could get very down about my childhood, I never had a dad, (lost my nan, grandad, uncle who I lived with ) and was from a strict catholic family so that was always a sense of shame. We were poor and had wood chip on the wall ✅ but I made up my mind to get an education, work smart and get what I wanted. Thankfully I was lucky in the end ie worked ass off consistently over time. I could look at my life and be sad or I can look back and think I got myself a better life.
What would you advise your friend to do? CBT helps over time. Take charge of your life. I did, so can you. Decide what you want and go all out to get it. 😩😊🙃🤗xxx

I think there’s always someone worse off but that’s not helpful when you’re having a rough time. Life can be really shit at times. 💐

I’ve had a horrible childhood with an abusive schizophrenic alcoholic mother, who I lived with out of fear and obligation and guilt until I was 32, through two of my own divorces. Then I developed lupus and other serious life threatening illnesses / conditions and then had my son, who I love with my whole being but he has autism and complex needs. I can’t work due to my disabilities and as my children are getting older it feels like my life is just completely shit and without meaning. But then I also know a lot of others feel the same. My Mum died in 2019 and I think life is completely meaningless really. So I try to find the joy in really small things - a good chocolate bar, nice bedding, a silly Tv show. Sometimes it’s the little things in a shit life that make it bearable.

And I just realise how insensitive that post sounds given your infertility issues and I can only apologise for that. I’m not in a good head space. I just wanted to say I empathise with being in a shit life space.

Yes I hear you, my big brother died when we were children, then my husband died in his 30s of the same thing! One of my DC has some additional needs and it’s easy to feel conquered by life rather. But I keep getting up and there’s some lovely thing in every day even if it’s really really small

This is a good response. There are always people ‘worse off’ but that doesn’t mean your shitty cards are any less shit.

You’ve said yourself that you mainly enjoy your day to day life but you’ve had health issues and infertility & they’re not little things. You’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself, I certainly would.

I only have ‘shit childhood syndrome’. I feel lucky that nothing catastrophic has happened to me as an adult (yet, the page can turn in any given day). I enjoy life mostly.

I never realised this was a thing but I think this could have been me. As a child, I was sexually assaulted and bullied, it impacted everything. I came close to being an alcoholic. I was so low for a long time and didn't appreciate the impact it had on everything - my relationships, health and career.

When I got divorced I just knew that the one thing I wanted to do was to sort out my mental health. I spent a year in therapy and then did a counselling course. I don't regret it at all. Everything is better for it (it's been 7 years now).

I have Shit Timing syndrome.

Bought my first flat…within a few months the 90s housing crash happened and I was in negative equity for years.

Bought a subsequent house…was made redundant unexpectedly six weeks later, before the redundancy cover qualifying period kicked in. House ended up repossessed.

Got a job in public health…a couple of months later, hey presto, first global pandemic in 100 years and work went crazybonkers.

Caught Covid ten days after my employer stopped exempting it from being counted towards absence monitoring days, and because I was quite ill with it and had to take two weeks off (I have underlying conditions) it triggered a first warning under the absence management policy.

Had to travel by train to a once-in-a-lifetime event…the train I ended up on caught fire (thankfully no one hurt but it caused major delays) and I missed the event I was travelling to.

Moved to a remote rural house where a car was essential…three weeks later my (not particularly old, regularly serviced) car’s cylinder head gasket blew, cracked the cylinder head and the car was a write-off.

I have countless more examples, big and small - if I sign up to a fixed price tariff / payment plan for something, the price will immediately tumble but I’ll be locked in at the higher cost. If I go on holiday, something unexpected will have happened the day I arrive to close the main tourist attraction I wanted to see for the duration of my stay, or similar. My family joke about it now, it’s happened so many times.

OP, I posted but I didn’t see that it was infertility until now. i apologise if my message sounded inappropriate.

The thing is that crying and feeling defeated is part of the process, you need to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve in order to be able to recover. The important thing is to allow yourself to feel like you feel, but do not keep revisiting the issue all the time, just sleep on it tonight and be ready to fight another day tomorrow morning one step at a time. Little by little you will feel better, honest. 💐

That is all very unfortunate.

My grandfather always used to say you could work hard and do everything right, but at the end of the day, it was always half chance.

I spend a lot of time counting my blessings. It’s something I implemented a while ago after I was looking so negatively at my life. It can be hard to come up with stuff somethings but honestly I think it has really helped me lift myself out of a quagmire of despair I was permanently in. They can be small blessings and seem quite insignificant but I truly think it’s a very life-affirming and positive thing to try and do and can be life changing.
https://www.happify.com/hd/counting-your-blessings-will-make-you-happier/

I'm surprised no one has mentioned this quote 'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.' I'm not religious but it does resonate.

I've had a lot of shit in my life (and still do) and my friends always seem to admire how I bounce back. But I have to! What choice is there? I'm never a full glass but like to think I'm a half full glass, rather than half empty - it makes a difference. I'm a pessimistic optimist. So, OP, I refuse to think of myself as having 'shit life syndrome' even if I probably have! I know people you think that they do but have a really good life in comparison to me. It's all relative and comparison is the thief of joy.
Interesting thread OP.

Oh this is such an interesting, albeit sad, thread.

I have been raging RAGING for 2-3 years over a series of ever increasing shit things (essentially a series of significant traumas and bereavments), set against the backdrop of a shit childhood (I have no family support / am estranged) and chronic health problem (endo) that went diagnosed for decades and totally fucked me up physically and emotionally.

Next to me I see people gliding through life with what seem like fairly minor inconveniences and bemoaning having slightly over involved parents, or not having quite as much money to gild their ballrooms. And oh my god i am so angry. and so jealous. So clearly not in the acceptance state of grief!

I am constantly trying to find a way to hack my brain and be more zen, thankful for what I have and trying to find joy in the everyday small things. But basically I want to scream at the vast majority of people I know who are just pretty f*cking lucky and living nice little lives (and yes i know life can be tough for everyone, and we only see what people show BUT...)

So no advice really, just solidarity! Weirdly, and connected to the post about gratitude, I did hear a podcast with Derren Brown where he said that people who thought they were lucky, were statistically more likely to win than those who thought they were unlucky (it was some kind of card game experiment maybe?). But it was an interesting discussion about how our individual outlook has a feedback affect on what happens to us. I'm sure it's good advice.

But also can I go on a retreat where I get to scream and someone else can live my shitty life for a while? big love all SLS's

The thing is bizarrely I feel very lucky in many ways. I'm quite lucky to be alive, it is a miracle I didn't die numerous times when younger due to my health.

Doctors tell me I have beaten quite a few odds regarding a particular serious issue.

I'm actually very lucky in other small ways. Things often go my way. I am very good at recognising opportunities, and I'm a good communicator, and maybe that contributes to the good luck.

It's just the big ticket things I feel I've kind of missed out on - being raised by loving parents, being healthy enough as a young adult to make a go of a career, being able to have a child.

I suppose what I mean by that is I feel like I have Shit Life Syndrome AND also feel like I am unusually lucky in other ways. It is a strange mix.