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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed with Dd1's teacher ?

51 replies

YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:01

Dd1 (10) goes to France on a school trip next week.

About 2 weeks ago there was a meeting about the trip for parents. At the end of the meeting I took the oppptunity to speak to Dd1's teacher about the fact that dd1 had been getting a bit upset about the trip, and was starting to get quite nervous about going.

The teacher informed me that dd would be fine she'd speak to her and ask her who she wanted to share with so that she felt a bit more comfortable about going.

Not only has the teach not spoken to dd about the trip at all, dd today found out who she is sharing with and I isn't happy.

She is sharing with 3 other girls. Girl A, we know well, she lives next door but one, and we walk to school with her every day. She isn't really one of dd's friends as in she doesn't play with her at school, but they get on ok etc. Girl B is a girl that I know of, but not well and isn't one of dd's friends at all, never has been, they aren't even in the same class.

Girl C though is who I am really concerned about. Basically she is a trouble maker, and girl A's mum recently told me that girl C had said some extremely disgusting, sexual things to her dd, and had also been quite nasty to her. Now sorry, but there is no way in the world that my dd is sharing a room with this girl. Even if she hadn't done any of those things, she also isn't one of dd's friends anyway and dd is now quite upset that out of all the girls she would have picked to share with, she isn't sharing with one single one.

I am furious that dd's teacher told me she would do something about dd's fears about the trip and now seems to have done the complete opposite.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:01

Sorry for appalling grammer and spelling, was typing in a rush.

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Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:07

?

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chibi · 05/03/2008 19:11

I am sure that your dd's teacher did not do this out out malice or incompetance - it can be harder than you might think allocating students to rooms.

As a teacher, I would be more concerned with 'who must absolutely NOT be put together' rateher than 'who are best mates and would really like to be together' when allocating rooms on a trip.

If you are really concerned about Girl C, it might be worth having a word with the teacher. You have to be prepared to not be accomodated - it may not be possible to rearrange groups at a late date, and the teacher may be unwilling to do so on the basis of what another mum said that this girl has said.

Good luck

schmoopoo · 05/03/2008 19:12

how many are going on the trip did DD get to choose one person to share with

hercules1 · 05/03/2008 19:13

I expect in the stress of organising a trip like this she simply forgot to speak to yur daughter.
As for the room allocation, it's not usually done just to suit friendships, infact often not as it helps with any silliness or talking that can go on. Someone has to share with this girl and the teacher cant allocate rooms according to who never said a bad thing o someone else.

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:13

Thanks

I didn't expect dd to be put with all of her friends, I realise that is not possible, but I am annoyed that her teacher said she would ask her who she'd like to share with, and then didn't, and has now not put her with any of her friends.

Dd is upset as all of her friends have all been grouped together.

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Wotz · 05/03/2008 19:15

two things come to mind
could be that they all move rooms when they get there
also they won't be in the rooms that much.

and the other is my dd1 has a school trip coming up and who she shares with hasn't even entered my radar of forthcoming anxiety, but now I am thinking about it.

Not sure what ti suggest, but if I was to worry about all the things that I think of at night, she would not go anywhere and have no mates at all.

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:15

There are 23 girls going all together. Dd1 has lots of friends, but non of these girls are her friend, although as I said, she does know girl A well.

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hercules1 · 05/03/2008 19:15

The teacher may well be tempted not to run the trip in future if it becomes such a pain. I would just take it as one of those things tbh.

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:16

The thing is, dd has already got upset about the trip several times, and I was relying on the fact that she'd be sharing with at least one friend to get her through it.

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chibi · 05/03/2008 19:17

If it is this upsetting perhaps it would be best for her not to go.

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:17

It is an annual trip, run by several teachers.

So you all think I abu then ??

Dd is now saying she doesn't want to go.

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hercules1 · 05/03/2008 19:17

Well then I'd speak to the teacher again and ask if anything can be rejigged but I wouldnt go at it from an annoyed viewpoint

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:18

She is upset because she is nervous, not having been such a way from home before. Having a friend to share with would of greatly calmed her down.

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Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:19

Tbh i would have been alot less annoyed, had I not already spoken to the teacher and had her tell me she would ask dd who she wanted to share with. I mean that was the teachers suggestion, not mine.

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hercules1 · 05/03/2008 19:20

I should imagine most of the kids feel the same way. Ds went for a trip abroad with school at the same age and there were lots of nervous kids. I do have to say though that he was given his best friend to share with although we never asked ever.

Wotz · 05/03/2008 19:20

She is with one of her friends, someone you trust and she walks to school with.

Some children like girl C are like that because they are unhappy at home, she may be very nice while she is away from all her troubles. I'd get her round before the trip an invite her for tea with the other two.

Crunchie · 05/03/2008 19:21

IMHO I don't think you ar ebeing THAT unreasonable. I would certianly have a word. The teacher may have forgotton, but it is worth asking if it could be put right. It doesn't hurt to ask IMHO - at the same time they may not be able to change it but at least you tried

hercules1 · 05/03/2008 19:21

As I said she probably just forget. It takes masses of organisation to organise trips liek this

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:23

Sorry Wotz, but there is no way my dd is being friends with C, she is a bully, and dd doesn't like her anyway. The girl stamped on A's badley sprained foot the other week because 'it was funny'.

Yes she knows girl A, but they are not friends like she is friends with other people.

I don't think it is too much to ask that dd gets to share with one of her good friends really. Especially as she seems to be the only one who hasn't been put with friends.

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Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:24

The problem is, if they won't or can't change it, dd1 isn't going to want to go, so then what do I do ?? It is too late for me to get any money back, and I can't afford to lose £250.

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Wotz · 05/03/2008 19:26

Well if you have strong feelings about it, then you'll have to speak to the school.

My dd was bullied so I know what it can be like.

Would it be OK if just girl c wasn't in the room? If so you will have to make it clear to the school why and probably have to inform them of your concerns if this child has bullied yours.

I do hope it works out.

Without knowing all the background it is hard to say.

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:27

Thanks

Will speak to dd's teacher tommorow when I collect her.

Beginning to wish i'd never said she could go in the first place now.

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Crunchie · 05/03/2008 19:28

YTM I would talk to the teacher with a positive attitude, not the 'my child won't go and it will cost me £250' as it won't come across great. I would ask if there has been a genuine mistake and that your DD is a little worried DON'T MENTION girl C at all.

As I said you don't know until you ask, if you assume there is nothing that can be done you will be streessed and worried and so will your DD. If you are positive and explain that you were expecting XYZ and the teacher told you it would happen you are more likely to have sucess - yes she will say - sorry I fogot, but insist - in a nice way if you can. 23 girls and 4 to a room means one room has 3 girls anyway - I bet there is a spare somewhere

Original poster
YouTellMe · 05/03/2008 19:32

Good point Crunchie, Have just asked dd if there is one room with 3 in, and who they are. Lo and behold, the 3 in that room are 3 of dd1's friends, so will ask if she can be put in with them.

Dd1 said they will say no, as she was originally paired with girl A and now has to stay with her.

We'll see.

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