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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this just hormones or am I right to be angry

69 replies

Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 11:31

Partner had a random girl I've never heard of post a picture of him with nothing but multiple love hearts as the caption, it was a selfie he's pretty close like arm round her she's got her hands on his chest she's doing a pouty face they're faces are touching and the comments go on to say, This was so fun I got too drunk we'll have to do it again etc ,Anyway I said who is that and he said oh someone I don't really know ,Its my friends wife from a gig a couple years back ,I was confused cause he said this gig at the time he went to was just him and his brother ,I questioned why if he barely knows her why is she posting that and he said he doesn't know ,Anyway I'm really angry but I'm 8 months pregnant and I don't know if it's the hormones or what ,He's adamant I'm being stupid as it's one of his friends wives but I said if she's someone you barely know what's with the hearts and why is she randomly now putting it on your Facebook and why are you saying oh we should do this again, if you don't know her why is she even on your Facebook etc also looking back through posts this woman is always love heart reacting things he posts ,I find it really strange behaviour and inappropriate because the picture looks like they're really close like the kind of picture you take with your spouse not a stranger and also he told me it was him and his brother not him and his friends wives going to this gig ,I'm upset aswell because I wanted to go and he said it was just him and his brother ,what would you do ? Is it normal now to add your husbands friends that you don't know and start love reacting to everything and share selfie together with hearts when you only met supposedly one time years back ,Am I an idiot? would you assume there's something more to this or am I being an irrational hormonal jealous beast

OP posts:
MyEyesMyThighs · 28/09/2023 13:26

If he's friends with her on FB, can you ask to see her profile, so you know whether she is always an OTT, hearts everywhere kind of person or if it's just this pic of DH.

Maybe she had a lot of pictures from the concert and they were all hearts because she loves the band/singer. Often a whole album has the same caption.

I think it's too in your face to be signs of a sneaky affair, tbh, but i wouldn't be clamouring to spend time with her.

Dumbles · 28/09/2023 13:26

@smallshinybutton And then what happens if it turns out it’s nothing and the husbands are friends?

I would go in a bit more softly but each to their own. OP has said she wouldn’t message anyway so a moot point.

MadeForThis · 28/09/2023 13:31

Look at the husbands Facebook profile. Are they still together?

Bit of a weird thing to post on Facebook but I would need more worried if it was a private message. A post for everyone to see isn't very discreet.

Ponoka7 · 28/09/2023 13:43

Well he didn't go to the gig with his brother and if he doesn't even remember her, why put that they'll have to do it again? He's slipped up.

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 13:47

Dumbles · 28/09/2023 13:06

😂😂😂

if someone put up a photo of them and my partner with love hearts as the caption I wouldn’t be too concerned about looking bat shit crazy. I would just want to know the situation.

’Hi, sorry to message you out the blue. I notice you put up a picture of my husband with some hearts the other day - it seemed a bit of an odd thing to do so just wanted to double check it was as friends? I thought nothing of it but a few of my friends have commented now asking what it’s about!’

Or could always blame the pregnancy hormones!

I would piss myself if I received that message from a woman I didnt know because I'd put a picture up that was a few years old as a memory. How insecure would you have to be to actually do this. I was full on cheated on and still didnt "reach out" to the woman. If somethings going on, its not her OP needs to be harassing, its her OH.

Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 14:00

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 13:47

I would piss myself if I received that message from a woman I didnt know because I'd put a picture up that was a few years old as a memory. How insecure would you have to be to actually do this. I was full on cheated on and still didnt "reach out" to the woman. If somethings going on, its not her OP needs to be harassing, its her OH.

From the girls perspective she probably is quite friendly with him ,It's my partner who has got to be lying about being friendly with her unless she is just simply super over the top and posting things like that is normal to her or like someone else has said there's a whole album and I'm only seeing this one picture, I can't see on her Facebook at all so that could be a possibility I hadn't thought of til now

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 28/09/2023 14:03

I would be annoyed about that, totally agree it’s a bit strange and inappropriate, posting it is weird but I think even taking a photo like that when you both have partners is a bit icky! But I am also pregnant and yesterday I cried because McDonald’s didn’t put bbq sauce in my bag so my judgement may not be totally sound!

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 14:05

Mrsttcno1 · 28/09/2023 14:03

I would be annoyed about that, totally agree it’s a bit strange and inappropriate, posting it is weird but I think even taking a photo like that when you both have partners is a bit icky! But I am also pregnant and yesterday I cried because McDonald’s didn’t put bbq sauce in my bag so my judgement may not be totally sound!

This made me lol. Im only 8 weeks but OH wanted to share my (share) bag of crisps the other day and I genuinely felt incensed. I cant wait for BBQ sauce induced tears because its so gonna happen!

Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 14:21

Mrsttcno1 · 28/09/2023 14:03

I would be annoyed about that, totally agree it’s a bit strange and inappropriate, posting it is weird but I think even taking a photo like that when you both have partners is a bit icky! But I am also pregnant and yesterday I cried because McDonald’s didn’t put bbq sauce in my bag so my judgement may not be totally sound!

I can relate because I cried last night when the ring pull on a can of beans came off and I had to use the tin opener so that's why I wanted to know if this is a hormonal induced feeling or if it's actually something to feel upset about haha I can't trust my feelings atm

OP posts:
Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 14:29

He's saying he bumped into them for a couple minutes not that he went with them and that he thinks it's strange that she's posted that so I said well why have you started posting back we will have to do that again then and that it seems as though he spent quite some time with them by the comments and I said are you friendly with her and Just don't want me to know and he's saying I'm a weirdo for questioning any of it or feeling insecure by this, he's saying I need to grow up because I'm being pathetic ,I said are there other pictures of other people and he said no ,to which I said well that is weird than can't you see how that might make me feel and he said I need to grow up again so I don't really know what to do, maybe I am over reacting but it does make me uncomfortable and I'm angry he can't see that or understand why

OP posts:
ioveelephants · 28/09/2023 14:43

If he was cheating with her/something going on surely he would un tag his self and definitely wouldn't comment about doing it again, knowing you can see it. It's probably popped up on her actual phone memories and she has shared it. I mean it is a bit weird but I wouldn't think anything is going on.

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 14:47

Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 14:29

He's saying he bumped into them for a couple minutes not that he went with them and that he thinks it's strange that she's posted that so I said well why have you started posting back we will have to do that again then and that it seems as though he spent quite some time with them by the comments and I said are you friendly with her and Just don't want me to know and he's saying I'm a weirdo for questioning any of it or feeling insecure by this, he's saying I need to grow up because I'm being pathetic ,I said are there other pictures of other people and he said no ,to which I said well that is weird than can't you see how that might make me feel and he said I need to grow up again so I don't really know what to do, maybe I am over reacting but it does make me uncomfortable and I'm angry he can't see that or understand why

Hes not covering himself in glory here but honestly it really doesnt sound like much to me. This wasnt even recently. Is it worth the stress on the baby right now?

INeedAnotherName · 28/09/2023 14:59

I get that the event where the photo was taken was a couple of years ago, but when did the post with lots of hearts get posted? If that was recent then I would bet my last penny she doesn't know about you (or just sharing house until it's sold blah blah) but she definitely doesn’t know about the pregnancy.

1FootInTheRave · 28/09/2023 15:11

He's already lied about who was there.

I would be very very pissed off at this tbh.

Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 15:16

INeedAnotherName · 28/09/2023 14:59

I get that the event where the photo was taken was a couple of years ago, but when did the post with lots of hearts get posted? If that was recent then I would bet my last penny she doesn't know about you (or just sharing house until it's sold blah blah) but she definitely doesn’t know about the pregnancy.

It was summer 2 years ago that it was taken but she posted it last night ,it wasn't a memory being shared she just posted it for the first time last night

OP posts:
Bellaboo01 · 28/09/2023 15:28

Just comment on the picture - "Sounds like the concert was great, once i've squeezed the baby out, i'll join you next time"

Sunshinenrain · 28/09/2023 15:44

Sounds like they’re just old friends and bumped into each other so took a photo and uploaded it which lots of people do.

If her profile picture is her in her wedding dress and it says she’s married then I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 15:45

Bellaboo01 · 28/09/2023 15:28

Just comment on the picture - "Sounds like the concert was great, once i've squeezed the baby out, i'll join you next time"

Another way to out yourself as incredibly insecure.

Bellaboo01 · 28/09/2023 15:49

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 15:45

Another way to out yourself as incredibly insecure.

And?
Clearly the OP is insecure as to post on this site regarding this (which isnt a bad thing). We are all different and not all so self assured.

I have been married for over 20 years and we have had our ups and downs but, being secretive and treading on eggshells isnt productive.

INeedAnotherName · 28/09/2023 15:50

If you won't message her and think he is lying then I don't know what you can do except sit back and watch. But that doesn't really make a good relationship in the long term. Perhaps wait until the mayhem of the birth and next few sleepless months have passed but I think they've slipped up.

Good luck for the future OP and don't let this spoil your time with the baby Flowers

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 15:52

Bellaboo01 · 28/09/2023 15:49

And?
Clearly the OP is insecure as to post on this site regarding this (which isnt a bad thing). We are all different and not all so self assured.

I have been married for over 20 years and we have had our ups and downs but, being secretive and treading on eggshells isnt productive.

Literally what is the point? This "issue" is between her and her partner, snarky little Facebook comments arent productive either.

INeedAnotherName · 28/09/2023 15:58

Wow screwball, did somebody do that to you?

Bellaboo01 · 28/09/2023 15:59

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 15:52

Literally what is the point? This "issue" is between her and her partner, snarky little Facebook comments arent productive either.

If i saw a pic of my husband in a selfie with another women with love-hearts round it and i didnt know her. I can assure you it wouldn't be snarky little facebook posts i would be posting. If there were pics like this then i would of course comment on them like i would any other pics of him (my H has a lot of girlfriends). But, i would know all his friends and their wives.

Screwballs · 28/09/2023 16:04

Bellaboo01 · 28/09/2023 15:59

If i saw a pic of my husband in a selfie with another women with love-hearts round it and i didnt know her. I can assure you it wouldn't be snarky little facebook posts i would be posting. If there were pics like this then i would of course comment on them like i would any other pics of him (my H has a lot of girlfriends). But, i would know all his friends and their wives.

But. Why.

Why is this the OW's problem? If we're going down a path of her not knowing about OP/OH lying to her about the relationship, then why are you snarking at her? Honestly, its juvenile. You got an OH problem, not a OW problem, bloody well take it up with him rather than plastering your dirty laundry on social media.

Lauryn95 · 28/09/2023 16:06

It has made me feel insecure but not because he's been out and had fun with another woman the picture itself wouldn't be something that made me insecure if i knew they hung out or if he ever mentioned her as a friend it's the fact he's said he doesn't know her he said he met her like one time for like 2 mins and that's what's made me insecure because it seems like they are friends and friendly by the post and the comments he's just saying he doesn't even know her but to me people who aren't friends wouldn't normally post something like that especially with hearts ,it seems really weird if you don't hardly know a person and only met once for 2 mins but I probably am over reacting and hormonal

OP posts:
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