AIBU to not understand how any can afford to live?

[ploddingalong2023]

Firstly I get that everyone is in a different situation and we are fortunate to have a house.
however, I can’t help to feel that it’s really hard to understand how people can actually afford to live?

My partner and I earn around £3600 per month combined. Our mortgage is £1200 (which I appreciate isn’t bad and a lot less than a lot of renters)

Our outgoings are reasonable, mortgage, council tax, paying for 1 car, some credit card payments etc. literally nothing luxury! But in total our outgoings of just bills, without food, petrol etc. is £3200.

We don’t have things like Sky TV or fancy cars etc.

We are tight with our weekly shops, all own brand stuff, no big brands, maybe 1 takeaway a month.

Our weekends are mostly trips to the park, walks etc. we might get a coffee on a walk but nothing exciting. Our evening weekends treat as a couple are getting a bag of popcorn and a bag of sweets for a film evening, so again nothing “out there.”

We do have the odd social event, maybe one a month or a family birthday we need to budget for.

We don’t really go on holiday. We have a small 5 day break coming up, which is cheap as we have family accommodation so mainly flights and spending money.

We do have £700-£800 per month on childcare per month which really is the breaker for us but that is what it is.

but even with all of this, we tend to be in a minus every month, relying on credit cards for little things or the final shop of the month before payday.

I just don’t understand how even with us not living luxury, and a decent (I think decent?!) income are still relying on credit cards?!

I don’t know what I am expecting from this post, maybe just someone to say they are I the same situation and make me feel better 😂

Both kids have tried all summer to get jobs with no success. They have ended up working in charity shops for free. They are now trying in their Uni towns so fingers crossed.

You say you want to stop using the credit cards - so you need to seriously tighten your belts.

You are living beyond your means, so you need to stop the takeaways and coffees out. Shop around for your insurances as they look high. It's tough, but credit cards should never be used to enable spending on luxuries (which is what a takeaway is).

If you can stop using the credit cards and get them paid down, your monthly card payment will also go down and you'll gradually get yourself more headroom.

My kids maintenance loans cover their rent with about £500 left for the year for living on. So until they can find jobs we are needing to help.

It’s not low either. It’s probably 55k joint. Do a lot of people earn that each? I only know of a couple of people who earn that, out of neighbours, family and friends

It depends where in the country you live, and what demographic you look at. But 2 private sector professionals in their 40s would each be on similar or more in many areas, even up north.

But you're right, it's not a low income by any stretch.

Did op have a child? Didn't see any mention they are a couple I think

The OP has mentioned childcare in her posts, if you actually read them.

I love this thread title "AIBU to not understand how any can afford to live?"

Only for the OP to announce she spends £800 on childcare a month. 😂 I mean, there's your answer OP.

At least its a temporary problem!

Not sure there’s anything remotely 😂 about childcare costs tbh.

They are crippling for a lot of people.

Chiodcare costs are short term..
but later save for future clubs hobbies uni
Can you get cheaper insurances

Just funny to start a thread when the 'reason' is so clearly obvious and short term. Laughing at the naivety really.

Been there myself but I never thought "WHY are we so poor?" = because it was all rather obvious 😬

Child care and cars - that is what is eating up your income.

And also debt payments, that’s £240 a month. It’s a vicious circle, you’re using £240 of your earnings on cc payments so you end up using the cc again to cover costs.

If you can tighten your belts enough to pay off the cards you’ll get that money back and stop the vicious circle. Up to you whether you do it now or wait till DC is older and your childcare is lower (but obvs if you wait, the debt is probably bigger by then).

What kind of car is it to cost £90 per month for insurance - that's over £1k per year. We've got a £33k 1 year old car and we're paying less than £500 for fully comp insurance and that's for 3 of us, one of which is a 21 year old lad!

My renewal quote was 1500 for a 4 year old car last month. It was 500 last year, I managed to get it down to 750 but that's the best I could do. And that's with holding a licence for 20+ years and 14 years of no claims.

I know we need to be tighter with the odd coffee etc. my point of this thread was more to see if everyone is living the same or if it’s just us

Of course everyone isn't living the same as you, but even if they were, that doesn't stop you making changes where possible to improve your situation.

Unfortunately your mortgage and childcare takes a disproportionate amount of your income. Anyone with no/low mortgage and no childcare costs automatically has £1500/2000 pm more than you for other things, even on the same household income.

Ideally, you could free up say, £50 pm so you could have the odd coffee/modest day out, so it might be worth reviewing your entire budget to see if this is possible (PPs have already said some of your bills are high).

Also, what is your DP spending? Him getting you an expensive new phone contract even when you didn't want it and probably couldn't afford it could be an indicator that he's a bit 'spendy' so might have room to cut back.

Look on Moneysaving Expert and question every expense. If you save a few quid here and there, have a look here and do everything that is relevant.

Do a money makeover and potentially save £1,000s - Money Saving Expert

I feel you - almost the exact same figures here. It’s the childcare. DD gets 30hrs from April… then DD2 starts in May 🙈 But this time in three years, we’ll feel rich 😂😬

I follow some of the frugal living channels on YouTube OP. I would recommend you looking at Kate Kaden's videos. She's a single mum with one child and she has some great ideas for saving money.

but also don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to have the money to do something fun with him after a full working week

Fun doesn't have to cost money!
Aside from indoor activities like baking, model making, making things from big cardboard boxes (boats/cars/houses), we have done lots of outdoor things like pond dipping, geocaching, bird/plant/tree identifying, kite flying, treasure hunting (on a walk take a list of things to find or spot eg a white stone, a feather etc), museum visiting (some are still free), train spotting (we have a good viewing point near a bridge)

Or follow the NT 50 things list https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/visit/50-things
You can visit for free
https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/visit/escape-into-autumn

Etc

Why not set a challenge each week to come up with a free outing (other than cost of getting there perhaps) with your child? You can take snacks and flasks of drink rather than buy a coffee.

You do know you need to apply for UC I also did a quick calculation and you should be entitled to over a 100 a week

Think that is a bit optimistic. Don't forget she only has the one child element. I suspect more like £100 a month but worth giving it a try and applying though.

Exchange the car for a start. It would kill me to pay £280 a month in total for a piece of metal. Mine cost me £3000 4 years ago and is doing just fine. That replaced a car that I’d had for 14 years 😂
Your council tax suggests around band E? Mine’s A. That would also explain your high mortgage, even though you don’t think it’s too bad.
Most people seem to want nice houses and cars when they simply don’t need them or can’t afford them.
I sympathise with your childcare costs, but as PP said at least they’re temporary.

I would also look at your comms costs. We have full fibre broadband for £22 per month and I have a SIM only contract with 3 that s £11 per month. We don't pay for any streaming services.

But in total our outgoings of just bills, without food, petrol etc. is £3200.
do you mean £320? Because if you spend 1000s on heat you must be burning diamonds

It's largely due to elements out of your control: mortgage and childcare. Or, I suppose they are in your control in that you could move etc, but not something you can 'cut back' on.

We have a similar monthly income, maybe slightly higher. Our mortgage is £410 pm and our childcare (after school club and a few activities) is about £85 pm. If I had your outgoings I would feel very stressed! We bought a tiny but perfectly fine house around 7 years ago for £100 K. That is crucial, without that possibility (and it is no longer a possibility) life becomes very difficult.

I think you just need to tough it out and try not to go further into debt while you ride this storm of childcare plus high mortgage payments. Both these things will end, luckily!

I’ve not read all the comments so sorry if this has already been sugggested, but could you do compressed hours? DH and I both work FT hours but over 4 days so we each have a (different) day off during the week so we don’t need as much nursery. We do pay a little extra for an early drop off so we can do our extra hours but it definitely helps.