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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not understand how any can afford to live?

168 replies

ploddingalong2023 · 27/09/2023 22:47

Firstly I get that everyone is in a different situation and we are fortunate to have a house.
however, I can’t help to feel that it’s really hard to understand how people can actually afford to live?

My partner and I earn around £3600 per month combined. Our mortgage is £1200 (which I appreciate isn’t bad and a lot less than a lot of renters)

Our outgoings are reasonable, mortgage, council tax, paying for 1 car, some credit card payments etc. literally nothing luxury! But in total our outgoings of just bills, without food, petrol etc. is £3200.

We don’t have things like Sky TV or fancy cars etc.

We are tight with our weekly shops, all own brand stuff, no big brands, maybe 1 takeaway a month.

Our weekends are mostly trips to the park, walks etc. we might get a coffee on a walk but nothing exciting. Our evening weekends treat as a couple are getting a bag of popcorn and a bag of sweets for a film evening, so again nothing “out there.”

We do have the odd social event, maybe one a month or a family birthday we need to budget for.

We don’t really go on holiday. We have a small 5 day break coming up, which is cheap as we have family accommodation so mainly flights and spending money.

We do have £700-£800 per month on childcare per month which really is the breaker for us but that is what it is.

but even with all of this, we tend to be in a minus every month, relying on credit cards for little things or the final shop of the month before payday.

I just don’t understand how even with us not living luxury, and a decent (I think decent?!) income are still relying on credit cards?!

I don’t know what I am expecting from this post, maybe just someone to say they are I the same situation and make me feel better 😂

OP posts:
chappoi · 28/09/2023 02:02

That's ridiculous amount for childcare. This is why people I know stopped working and somehow got a few days at nursery free for their toddlers but only because they stopped working. If the mothers worked then they got charged more than they'd ever earn

coxesorangepippin · 28/09/2023 02:12

Imagine if the UK had subsided daycare...

spottywren · 28/09/2023 02:16

@ploddingalong2023 try going on entitledto website and calculating UC again using your full childcare costs (not the 20% off tax free childcare amounts)

Tohaveandtohold · 28/09/2023 02:27

Op, it’s the childcare cost. Basically your mortgage and childcare is already 63% of your income so you have the remaining 37% to pay your other bills and live on. Obviously if anything can be done about the car payments then it’ll be doable but at least, the childcare will obviously reduce soon and you just have to not have luxury at all till then.
DH and I also pay that much in childcare when our children were younger as all our family live abroad and there’s almost a 6 year age difference between DD1 and DD2 for this reason but the high fee wont last forever, after school clubs is now less than £200 a month so that’s a big drop.

MintJulia · 28/09/2023 02:29

The childcare years are expensive. That's normal. You take a deep breath and scrape by. But your other bills are still very high.

Mortgage & childcare aside, I run a 4 bed detached house in the Home Counties and 2 adults & a car for £1,000 a month incl food and all bills.

Looking at your list, car insurance is high, and phones. And your car costs. Are you on a pcp? Better to by a 2yo car outright and keep it for 10 years. I bought a 2yo Volvo for £16k. Spread over 10 years that works out at £120 a month.

pompomdaisy · 28/09/2023 02:50

Your mortgage payments should equal about 20%. Yours are 33% of your income. I'm afraid you're over stretched on your mortgage by a considerable amount.

PurBal · 28/09/2023 03:26

OP our income is almost identical and sounds like we have a similar lifestyle. Nothing extravagant, just muddling through. But that’s life and I don’t feel discontent. Our outgoings are about £1700 excluding childcare. Childcare is the killer (£700ish part time, we will have two in next year and no free hours so we’re actually “planning” to go into debt for a couple of months until the hours kick in in April). We (DH) really shopped around for the best deals. Groceries are about £70pw for 4, including a toddler and 2 in nappies. Holidays are usually long weekends either camping or visiting family.

Coffeaddict · 28/09/2023 05:09

pompomdaisy · 28/09/2023 02:50

Your mortgage payments should equal about 20%. Yours are 33% of your income. I'm afraid you're over stretched on your mortgage by a considerable amount.

I hate this argument so much. The alternative to a mortgages is rent. Where I live the averge rent has gone up by about 50% in the last 3 years. There is no where to rent in my town for less then 1200 ( other then house shares). These are the houses in the dodgy areas of town. In the nicer areas there more like 1600 and that is alot cheaper then cities like Bristol, Bath, Oxford and don't even get me started on london
It would be great if we all had affordable housing but that is not available for the vast majority of the population so unless you have family support your paying exterminate rents or mortgages.

Justifiedcheese · 28/09/2023 05:23

Adreno · 27/09/2023 22:58

I have some shocking news for you, OP:

Some people earn more money than you do.

And many who earn less spend less.

autienotnaughty · 28/09/2023 05:37

Can you reduce your insurances ? Our home insurance was £27pm before a large claim and life insurance £35. When do your phone contracts run out ? Sim only would be around £10 pm. We have Netflix £8pm but our freebie/broadband is £25 per month. So all of above is £115 for us but £220 for you. Will you own your car when the loan is up? That will help you massively.

margotrose · 28/09/2023 06:00

Unfortunately having children is a very expensive life choice.

frivlot · 28/09/2023 06:05

Your mortgage payments should equal about 20%. Yours are 33% of your income. I'm afraid you're over stretched on your mortgage by a considerable amount

I'd love to have mortgage payments 20% of my income but didn't become an adult until the 00s... luckily my mortgage is still cheaper then renting

Pebstk · 28/09/2023 06:10

I have to be honest I don’t think £3600 after tax is a lot in this day and age. I earn c£4200 after tax and my husband has income of £2400 so about £6600 per month and no childcare costs but lots of teenage children and son at Uni - I find it tight enough.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 06:29

Hope you haven't been on holiday or ever used a car or had any children then...

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 06:30

That is to @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune

Aprilx · 28/09/2023 06:36

I never really understand these “how does anybody manage” threads. By all means ask if you want advice on budgeting or increasing your earning potential. But why phrase it as “how does anybody manage”. Other people manage because they earn more, manage their outgoings better or a combination of both.

Augustus40 · 28/09/2023 06:40

Ds is 18 and works full time. He pays £300 towards the food and bills every four weeks. No mortgage or rent plus I sold my car in April as I work from home.

Touch wood I feel more comfortable these days. It helps not having a car to be honest. I don't smoke or drink and rarely have takeaways as not keen on them.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 06:44

This is why some of us can't afford to work full time so work around our partners and claim UC instead. Childcare is absolutely ridiculous.

OP you might be entitled to something. Probably very small but enough for a food shop.

Poniesandrainbows · 28/09/2023 06:56

Pebstk · 28/09/2023 06:10

I have to be honest I don’t think £3600 after tax is a lot in this day and age. I earn c£4200 after tax and my husband has income of £2400 so about £6600 per month and no childcare costs but lots of teenage children and son at Uni - I find it tight enough.

I was going to say this. I think it's quite a low salary and you have a high mortgage. Do you have any opportunity to increase earnings?

namechange23947 · 28/09/2023 06:58

I think UC threshold is different depending on the area you live aswell.
We have a similar income to you OP. I suspect you are from the south? I live in the north and my mortgage is less than half of yours (for now anyway).

Original poster
ploddingalong2023 · 28/09/2023 06:59

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune 100% our child is a luxury, a luxury choice and wouldn’t change that for anything.
but also don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to have the money to do something fun with him after a full working week 😂

If this IS life for everyone, then that is sad!

I assume you don’t have children ruining the world then???

OP posts:
NoNeedToHurry · 28/09/2023 07:03

In almost exactly the same situation as you OP (income around 3600, mortgage 1200) and I am baffled how you afford to run a car! We don't have a car and I've no idea how we would afford to if we wanted to. I don't know where the space in the budget would be! I guess we all make things work the way we need to.

On paper our budget looks fine, I microbudget the shit out of everything but there's no money for luxuries, no savings, and fuck knows how we are gonna manage Christmas this year as my DH has been told he won't get his usual bonus (usually around £500 after tax, which pays for our whole Christmas!)

Its just a bit shit isn't it.

Original poster
ploddingalong2023 · 28/09/2023 07:04

@PurBal nice to hear it’s not just us though!
We are both very content and knew having a child would make thinks tight and would never change that. I am happy with a weekend in over a weekend out etc. just a little concerning having the cards used at the end of the month

guess this post was more to see if we were doing something drastically wrong, and see if people were in the same boat.

OP posts:
pompomdaisy · 28/09/2023 07:04

I personally think some people born in the 00 just expect to have it all when they first start off. We lived in a tiny terrace with a baby for years because it was all we could afford. My nephew and his wife want a big new house. Therefore they are now over stretched on their mortgage. There's plenty of terrace housing here to buy that would not give you a repayment amount of 1200 a month but younger people aren't prepared to live in it.

Spodey · 28/09/2023 07:05

We have about the same income as you but our mortgage is half of yours. And we don’t pay for childcare because we juggle the kids between flexible working hours and grandparents. You must live in an expensive place and not have any help with your kids?