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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to get annoyed about split of chores?

54 replies

Overthinker991 · 27/09/2023 09:11

Sorry if this is just a long rant! Feeling a bit p*ssed off and resentful but not sure if i'm being unreasonable. My DH works from home while I am in office 2 days a week, both work full time. I do all of the household cleaning, washings, sorting out recycling etc. I make him take the bins out but have to tell him when each collection is every week. We often eat seperate meals during the week but will take turns cooking when we do have the same meals. I will always be the one cleaning up/ loading dishwasher regardless of who has cooked. I am also responsible for ensuring we have all household items from the shops. Along with this I do bulk of looking after dog and 75% of his walks - he generally only walks the dog the 2 days I am out at work. We have a decent outside space so he does cut the grass and usually takes care of any DIY (although I do a lot of painting). He's currently working on an outside job at the weekends so thats taken over, I've cut the grass the last time as he was busy with this (although have also been roped into help with this job at the weekend), plus things like weeding etc are split or generally suggested that I go out and pull some weeds. He is responsible for washing the cars however hasnt done this in over 6 months and won't allow me to take to my car to a car wash place "incase they scratch it".

This morning he says up that all the interior windows need cleaned and why have they not been done for so long. I agree they do need done but have been busy with plenty other things.I feel very taken for granted and much like a slave, even just with simple things like he doesn't put his washing in the basket, doesn't put any packaging in the bins in kitchen or plates in the dishwasher.

AIBU to be p*ssed off with this split of household responsibilities and starting to feel very resentful?

OP posts:
Takenoprisoner · 30/09/2023 07:05

You say he's not an easy man to stand up to. that's because he's an entitled bully. He believes all the inside work is your responsibility, how did he work that one out?? He's actually abusive op, and joint counselling is never recommended when there's abuse in relationships. Get individual counselling and support and make plans to leave.

FOJN · 30/09/2023 07:28

I'm not convinced the OP does want to stay on the marriage and I don't blame her. I agree with PP that joint counselling would probably only serve to make the OP doubt herself even more.

Your husband is a lazy, manipulative arse and I think you are right to question whether you want the rest of your life to be like this. Don't have children with him because caring for them will become your job too. I don't think it would be any better if he appreciated you because he would still be dumping the lions share of the work on you, he would just be more pleasant about taking advantage of you.

As for the car, I assume you paid for it, take it to the car wash and if he says anything tell him to fuck off and mind his own business and if he wants the inside of the windows cleaned he can do it himself.

RecycleMePlease · 30/09/2023 07:38

The bare BARE minimum is to clean up after yourself - washing in the laundry basket, dirty plate in the dishwasher etc.

That's not even 'doing a chore' that's just being a normal person.

OP, you're being taken advantage of.

Overthinker991 · 30/09/2023 13:57

Thanks for the responses. And yes I think part of me knows this is unhealthy and don't want to spend my life this way but it's so hard to even think about leaving which may sound stupid as many have said what is he bringing to my life..

OP posts:
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