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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if people who are very pro-kids at weddings think it's ok if the parent decides not to bring them?

28 replies

Chequers · 05/03/2008 14:56

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SueBaroo · 05/03/2008 15:27

Given that the parents have the primary responsibility, I think yes, it's fine for parents to make the decision. But tbh, I'm not of the opinion that it's unacceptable to ban kids at weddings.

I just think it's a bit odd. But then I'm not big on kids being shooed out of church because they gurgle a bit, and I know some people are.

Catzenobia · 05/03/2008 16:46

I was pro-kids at my wedding and half of my friends brought theirs and the other half took the opportunity to have an adult night away with their partner. I was totally happy with whatever they chose - for me it's all about people being welcome to bring children if they wanted to, not a requirement.

Emprexia · 05/03/2008 17:04

i think it depends on the time of the wedding.

mine was a double, i had a meal & small party after the wedding at midday, and i think it would have been a shame if the kids hadn't come to that part.

I also had an evening do between 7.30 and 1am.. if parents hadn't wanted the children there i wouldn't have minded, even though i did set up a table with some colouring books and paper and stuff.

Original poster
Chequers · 05/03/2008 17:06

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AbbeyA · 05/03/2008 17:07

I don't see a problem with parents leaving their DC's at home if they want to have time on their own and they think the DC's would be happier not going.
People should be able to a child free wedding if that is what they want.I think it misses the point of a wedding, which is a family occasion, and I don't like the clinical perfection they are looking for, but that is only my opinion.

Original poster
Chequers · 05/03/2008 17:10

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hatrick · 05/03/2008 17:11

This reply has been deleted

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SueBaroo · 05/03/2008 17:11

agree with AbbeyA 100%

LadyOfWaffle · 05/03/2008 17:13

I am very very pro kids at weddings, but am contemplating possibly not taking DS to one in June - he is at that awkward age where he is very very mobile, but doesn't understand instructions very well and I don't think it would be fair on him (or me!) to expect him to 'behave' during a mass, sit down reception and after party. If (I need to find out first) there is provisions for the kids, that would be a different story.

MaureenMLove · 05/03/2008 17:13

Me too. I believe that weddings are family orientated anyway, afterall it is the joining of two families! However, if parents decide they want the night off, then that's fine too.

Original poster
Chequers · 05/03/2008 17:13

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VictorianSqualor · 05/03/2008 17:14

My DD was bridesmaid at her uncles wedding.
She was 2 1/2 at the time. At the church her and her cousin (pageboy) were being little terrors so I took them outside, then we went for the meal and she had an accident so I called my friend who was happy to have her overnight at short notice and took her there when everyone else was doing the speeches etc.
The Bride and Groom were totally understanding and she had been bridesmaid!

I think tbh, if a child is invited, it's down to the parents, afetr all they are who will have to look after them, if a child isn't invited it's down to the bride and groom.

Original poster
Chequers · 05/03/2008 17:14

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/03/2008 17:17

When we got married the youngest guest was 5 and he was my page boy. The next one was about 6 and he was my husbands cousin. Didin't even cross my mind not to invite them and if there had been babes in arms they would have come too.

SueBaroo · 05/03/2008 17:17

no, I think it's more of a judgey 'it's ok, but it's odd'

WigWamBam · 05/03/2008 17:18

We included children in the invitations to our wedding - there would have been about a dozen there. All the parents came, but not one of them brought their children ... they wanted time to themselves to enjoy the day without running around after the kids all the time. Some of them also said that they didn't want to risk their children not behaving.

Nobody should feel obliged to take their children to a wedding if they don't want to; in this case it really does depend solely on what the parents want to do.

Original poster
Chequers · 05/03/2008 17:18

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TheFallenMadonna · 05/03/2008 17:19

I take my children to weddings of family (if they're invited ) but not to weddings of friends. That way we all enjot ourselves.

And I don't think weddings should be like anything in particular.

AbbeyA · 05/03/2008 17:21

It is alright if the bride and groom don't want them-it is their wedding and you can't dictate how they choose to do it! Personally I think they are missing the point-they are more interested in having perfection than having friends and family for a joyous family occasion.

peanutbear · 05/03/2008 17:23

I dont take mine I like to enjoy myself and enjoy the day

I did it once and it was a disaster

KristinaM · 05/03/2008 17:24

we are pro kids - we had all of ours at our wedding

but i woudln't mind at all if the parents decided not to bring them. we understand the joy of child free time

VictorianSqualor · 05/03/2008 17:30

I think if the bride and groom want children there for the beginning of the ceremony, ie family friends and younger cousns etc then possibly the parents should oblige and take them home between the day ceremony and the evening reception?

I know for my wedding day I'd like kids to be around during the day and afternoon, even if just so my children arent bored! but if the parents wanted to get them to a sitter so they could enjoy the evening and have a drink etc then I'd be completely understanding.

PortAndLemon · 05/03/2008 18:14

At our wedding it was a mixture of people who brought children and people who didn't. I was (very very mildly... it didn't blight my day in any way) disappointed not to see some of the children who didn't come, but would never for a moment have occurred to me to object or be offended or deem it unacceptable that their parents didn't bring them.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/03/2008 18:16

It does rather assume you live close enough for that to happen VS. DH's family live five hours away. Now I'm happy to bring them or not bring them as stipulated, but bring them for a bit but then take them away?

AbbeyA · 05/03/2008 22:25

We had a magician and then they didn't have to stay in for the speeches-it was in a separate room and worked brilliantly.

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