to mess up his day like he messed up mine?

[Aryt]

I started a new job in August. It’s only part time, but after being a sahm for 5 years it’s a big deal to me.

My workplace has an inspection coming up (important, everyone stressed and nervous, think OFSTED). Yesterday we had a meeting at 5pm with my boss and the big boss of the company. I confirmed with DH at lunchtime that he would be home by 4.45pm to look after our kids (7 and 4). At 4.50pm he wasn’t home so I called him. He had forgotten. He said he would leave immediately, but his work is 15 minutes away so I’d be late. He said I should go and leave the kids, he wouldn’t be long. Obviously I did not do that.

In desperation I knocked on my neighbours door and left the kids there. She’s a lovely lady who we know, but has never looked after the children before. I got to the meeting with one minute to spare, and met the big boss of the company very flustered and stressed so I doubt I made a good first impression.

When I got home, DH just said sorry and ‘don’t be like that’ when I was upset with him.

Here’s my AIBU- DH has made himself a doctor’s appointment for 5pm today. DH is expecting to pick DS up from day care and bring him home. But I won’t be there. If he would check my working hours, he would see that I work until 5pm today and then I pick DD up from after school care so I will be home about 5.15pm. AIBU to not bother telling him?

God I am so irritated on your behalf. That is infuriating!

I wouldn’t tell him no. He’ll have to take DS with him won’t he? Like you probably did when you were a SAHM.

No don’t remind him, he can take the child to his appointment

It’s concerning that he thought it was acceptable to leave the children alone. If you don’t tell him I’d be worried he’d just leave the child home alone because you “won’t be long”.

I have a similar, but different, situation with my daughter.

I have reframed doing the same back to her - it isn't spite or revenge, but rather showing her how actions have consequences.

He will probably leave your son alone,dont do it.You need to get all this sorted out with him once and for all so you can work as a team.

I’d do it. If he seriously leaves the kid alone it would be time for a WTF conversation.

Not the same thing imo as he will not look unprofessional taking ds with him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's told what a good dad he is because the bar for men is so low.

The danger of doing this is that he might use it as excuse for his behaviour “you see? anyone can make a mistake” and think that you’re even now. Mind you, it doesn’t sound like he’s actually organised anything with you for his appointment?

You shouldn’t have to do this, but I would have repeatedly reminded him on the afternoon of my meeting and would have checked at 4.30 that he’d left. But then I get called a nag.
Totally infuriating I know.

Did you not check in by text or something earlier in the day? Or when he left?

I'd have done that and added "remember I need to be at X by Y".

Not in a mollycoddling do everything for him way but a managing my own day way, to make sure for my own peace of mind that we were both on the same schedule.

She spoke to him at lunchtime, a mere 4 hours earlier. Willing to bet he wouldn't have "forgotten" a work appointment in the space of an afternoon. Fact is he doesn't respect OPs job.

Then he's an arsehole.

I'd pick something more important than the Dr's appointment to inconvenience him with then.

The OP posted this thread twice in error, so we're going to close this one and direct everyone over to this longer one - AIBU to mess up his day like he messed up mine?