Why are we not learning to fight?

[BMW6]

So often I see threads from women who are beaten, raped, abused.

Why can't we get together to teach each other how to defend yourself? Or attack if needs be?

I’d love to learn but I’m not aware of where or how to do that

We were taught self defence at university and I've taught my daughter what we were taught.

Because the vast majority, like 99.999% of us would die in a fight with a male.

Even with training - I was a half decent kickboxer, but outside the ring and the rules, my only advantages were observation and speed - to see what was coming and to run away.

There’s a limit to what self-defence techniques can achieve against someone who is physically larger, stronger and more aggressive.

I’d go for the weak spots - eyes, testes - and play to my strengths, biting, scratching.

Umm what’s stopping you from learning. Find a self defense class and take it.

Why can’t men get together and teach classes to other men on not being monstrous, murderous, raping arseholes? Better use of time than self defence classes for women for simply existing.

My daughter learns kung-fu. I think women should learn some self defence skills but I don't think we should forget that in general, biologically, men have a greater proportion of their body mass made up of muscle and are usually taller. Giving a significant advantage.

Plus fighting back and defending oneself physically can lead to worse outcomes for the victim in many circumstances. And let's not forget that most assaults are at the hands of someone you know so the odds are very much stacked against you in terms of vulnerability and circumstances.

Martial arts practitioner here. There are self-defense classes around, they just aren't anywhere as widespread or popular as they could be. I've heard good things about Model Mugging type classes that use a padded attacker so students don't need to pull their punches. If no specialized classes are available I'd look for beginners classes in Israeli Krav Maga or similar for quick results. But ultimately it's all about getting body confidence (which most women have had trained out of us - we don't take up space) and reactions when flooded with adrenaline. Oh, and stamina to run away when necessary!

You mean why aren't you learning to fight? There's no reason why you can't. I've spent the last 9 years learning a martial art. It's all terribly disciplined and controlled, the same sequences over and over.
During lockdown a local teen tried to hurt me and I tripped him up and put his arm up behind his back - before running away. I was surprised how naturally it came. I was a bit shaky later but I haven't had any trouble since. 😊
Brilliant for suppleness and flexibility too, and costs about £7 a week.

I think self defence is really valuable but much more valuable is teaching girls and young women how to identify and avoid the creepy, angry and/or violent men. Above all, avoid. And this is not victim blaming. It's pre-emptive self defence. Don't warm to them. Don't "be kind" to them. Avoid them like the plague because they're the biggest threat to our safety and well-being.

The flip side is learning how to identify the non-creepy, non-violent men. Difficult. But less urgent because you can generally live without any man

#500Rising

Many people are. Lots of the women I have met training started from wanting to be free of domestic violence.

Its more complicated than being able to physically defend yourself… you’ve also got to believe you are worth defending

https://500rising.com/

You're making quite a lot of assumptions about the nature of violence against women, especially that it comes down to a situation where fighting would be the solution.

But on the general basis that there are some scenarios where it would apply, and assuming that you don't get the "freeze" reaction to threat, then the question is how effectively will someone - who is likely to be shorter, lighter, with a smaller frame and less muscle mass - defeat the assailant? Answer is not terribly encouraging - best you can hope for would be to cause a bit of a shock (by striking back at all) to buy yourself time to start running and yelling for help. And if that works rather depends on where you are and the presence of other people.

But YY to self-defence classes. Done well, they teach situation awareness and give confidence.

Women / Girls really should. Even if its just enough to be resilient enough to collect yourself quicker after a blow and flea.

Yes, generaly a fight is a bad idea, thats evolotion but situational awareness and weapons are completely illegal but its perfectly reasonable to have your keys on your hand almost any woman could cause great pain / mortal wounds.

AND regardless what anyone on youtube says or what special move your mate who went to self defence class shows you the best defence is almost always run, and if anyones about be noisy about it.

My DD did Judo in her younger years and has played rugby the past 6 years too,
can take a hell of a knock but knows when to run, its just not worth the risk.
Equaly so for meek, skinny men.

I’ve taken classes to learn to fight off an attacker. The instructor really emphasized situational awareness, conflict avoidance, and bystander assistance. We did still practice or punches, kicks, and techniques for getting out of holds.

I would come home full of energy ready to show off my moves. My DH who had no desire to hurt me and therefore would not put any effort into being my demonstration partner could easily dominate me. If he had even a light grip on me anywhere, trying to get away was absolutely pointless.

there was a reason the instructor spent so much time on teaching us to avoid getting into those situations in the first place and then focused on learning to make a scene to get help as the real backup plan.

some women might have a chance fighting hand to hand against some men, but the simple reality is they are much stronger than we are on average. That doesn’t make them better than us, it just makes them better at this one thing.

Krav maga is great
See if you can attend a women focused class

Because it's just that simple right?

You think you know what you'll do...

The reality is you freeze. You play dead and let them do it. It's an instinct / survival thing.

That's what happened to me the time my date wouldn't take no for an answer. I just froze.

Attitudes like the OPs make me sick.

Bloody weirdest question I've seen on MN for a long time.

Are you asking why there are no self defence classes anywhere (there are) or why not everyone wants to do them?

And do you think most women would be confident and able to fight off a crazed rapist?

How about you spend your energy asking why rapists rape?

There are times when it’s useful.
But let’s not kid ourselves that a woman has a chance in her own home against a man who has a violent outburst . He’ll break things, throw stuff, burn stuff , and probably while she worries about protecting her children.
Far better we teach women to identify the earliest red flags, to strive for financial independence, and we make studying Lundy Bancroft’s book compulsory for all teenagers.

Or men could not kill or rape women, that would be nicer.

Have you been attacked, raped, etc? If not please refrain. You have no idea what you're talking about. This is really offensive to those who have been thru it. Go take your own self defense classes and stop talking about others' situations you clearly have no place to be speaking on.

The same Lundy Bancroft who is published via vanity press?

The same one who holds retreats for abused women and tries to groom them for relationships with him and allows men on those retreats too.

Wow! I cannot believe this post. You do realise that when a boyfriend or husband is attacking you that trying to fight them off tends to make them even more angry and in return gets you an even worse beating. Jeez, some people have no idea. Unless you've been through it yourself, then you really have no idea.

Because you have next to no chance against a man. Unless you recognise the situation early and run like hell.

Once he's got hold of you, one punch to your face, you'll go down. And he will be quite happy to do that, unlike the instructor you've trained with.

i'm fully aware of how to cause serious bodily harm (poke out an eyeball, rip off a nose, bite off a finger, hit the larynx, oh dislocate a knee etc etc etc) but i don't know if i have the gumption to actually do it.