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Original poster

Birthday party stress!

42 replies

Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 21:55

I sent a message on class WhatsApp group regarding my DD’s birthday party (reception class) about 2 weeks ago, today I got in her book bag another child’s invitation for same day and time! The mother invited both reception classes whilst mine was only my DD’s class. I feel a little annoyed and upset. The mother was on the general WhatsApp for the year group and didn’t know about the class WhatsApp for some reason (even though the link was put on general class for everyone to join specific class one too).

I spoke to her and she explained this. She’s not a bad person she’s okay in the limited conversations I’ve had. I’ve agreed to move my party date. I feel a bit upset. I am going through quite a bit in my personal life (pending divorce, depression, illness of my elderly parent plus other things) so I may be overthinking, I feel upset my DD will have to celebrate her birthday nearly a month earlier (everyone has saved the date on almost every weekend leading up to Xmas!).

please any tips on what I can do on her actual birthday as we won’t be going to the other child’s birthday (not out of spite but for obvious reason it’s her birthday and I don’t want her to feel upset she’s spending at another child’s party. She will know as she’s very away that date is her actual birthday and has been counting down on calendar). It doesn’t feel like a proper birthday with celebration a month before!

please be kind as this was one thing we both have been looking forward to considering all the crap we have been going through. I did have to reschedule as the other mum seems to have made a lot of effort inviting both classes plus everyone was RSVPing from other class. How would you feel? I need to let this go and try to plan a special day for my DD don’t I…..

OP posts:
Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 21:57

I know it’s just a coincidence but seriously she could have picked any other date! Her child’s actual birthday is not in that date. Funny thing is almost every Saturday and Sunday is booked up (she wouldn’t have known as all invites have been in class WhatsApp) how funny is it it had to be my one she chose!

OP posts:
PrimalOwl10 · 25/09/2023 21:58

Your over thinking it and taking it personally

TeaKitten · 25/09/2023 22:01

You absolutely are over thinking. On her actual birthday just do literally anything else to celebrate her birthday, day out, day in with cake, seeing family etc. it’s a shame to have to move the date but it’s not a big deal, kids love having their birthday spread out and this other lady (who it sounds like you didn’t even invite her child) has done nothing wrong at all.

lancslass17 · 25/09/2023 22:03

Yes day would be good.

Have you asked dad if she wants to go to other party? She may feel left out.

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:04

@TeaKitten i did exactly what everyone else did: send a message via WhatsApp. Everyone was given the link to join. As far as everyone knew the whole class was on there.

OP posts:
FloralDerangement · 25/09/2023 22:04

You're not overthinking it at all. I had this happen with one of my children and it categorically was done out of spite. How do I know? Ours was a small party, theirs was a full year group party excluding one child. Mine.

People are that nasty. If it quacks like a duck...

TeaKitten · 25/09/2023 22:06

Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:04

@TeaKitten i did exactly what everyone else did: send a message via WhatsApp. Everyone was given the link to join. As far as everyone knew the whole class was on there.

Yeah but if she didn’t no there was a party, because she’s not on that group, then it’s not like she could have known in advance…

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:07

@lancslass17 i did ask her and she asked me if she will have a cake too as it’s her birthday! 😂

i don’t think we will go and I don’t think my DD will miss out as there’s literally a party every single weekend till Xmas. Also we have family events on some weekends which means she will be missing 2 of them so I think missing another won’t really be an issue for her. What does everyone else think? It will be weird for her to know it’s her birthday but be celebrating another kid

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 25/09/2023 22:07

FloralDerangement · 25/09/2023 22:04

You're not overthinking it at all. I had this happen with one of my children and it categorically was done out of spite. How do I know? Ours was a small party, theirs was a full year group party excluding one child. Mine.

People are that nasty. If it quacks like a duck...

OP says this woman couldn’t have known about her party date though.

lucya66 · 25/09/2023 22:07

Could you suggest a joint party for both kids with the other mum?

explain you have a date clash and combining the parties would ensure dc and other child get celebrated on their chosen day

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:08

@lucya66 i really don’t want to crash as mine was a very laid back affair and hers seems really expensive. I don’t really want to offer to go half!

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 25/09/2023 22:10

I’m sure you’ve thought of it, but are you sure you can’t just change the time on the day? We attended plenty of reception parties were there was a party at 10 and then another at 2 or similar.

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:12

@TeaKitten i didn’t actually think of this! But don’t you think the kids will be tired as they’re only 4 and 5?

OP posts:
Fahhgedaboutit · 25/09/2023 22:13

I would go with @TeaKitten ’s great idea; the kids will find it exciting having 2 parties in one day and your daughter will know she gets cake too!

Brunonono · 25/09/2023 22:14

If your invite went out 2 weeks earlier to just the one class, i would imagine most children (parents) would prioritise that rather than a party for a child from another class? Obviously entirely up to you but your party was announced first so I'd be reluctant to change it...

TeaKitten · 25/09/2023 22:15

They will after the parties but that’s not your problem really! Theyl be hyped up and absolutely fine during the party, especially after a bit of food. It’s always worked fine when my kids attended parties like this, and in fact I did it now that I think about it, DS’s 5th birthday party was 10-12 at soft play, then they all went to another girls village hall party 2-4. I’m sure they were tired the next day but they had fun.

threefiftysix · 25/09/2023 22:16

I agree with @Brunonono. Why did you cancel your party? Your invite went out first so surely lots of ppl have already rsvp'd yes to you?

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:16

@Brunonono her party looks good though! It’s in a really nice venue whereas mine is the run of the mill type kids party. I was upset tbh when I saw people RSVPing. The other class almost everyone said they’ll come.

OP posts:
MysteryBandit85 · 25/09/2023 22:17

We had two parties on the same day happen twice when my DS was in reception. Not everyone went to both but my DS did and he was fine! He regarded it as an awesome day having two! For what it’s worth, I would feel a bit upset and annoyed if this happened to me, like you. Yes, it’s ‘only a kids party’ and the other woman couldn’t have known, but lots of thought and planning go in and it will mean a lot to your dad so you naturally want it to be on a date that feels the most appropriate!

MysteryBandit85 · 25/09/2023 22:17

Dd not dad, sorry!

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:19

@MysteryBandit85 thank you! I know it’s more to life than this but you’re right it did upset me.

msybe I’m looking at this wrong? She will have a class party but on the actual day it can just be me and her so she gets 2 parties! I’ve just looked at the dates again and there’s a Sunday afternoon 2 weeks before her actual birthday! Maybe I should book that do instead of a month it’s just 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Brunonono · 25/09/2023 22:22

So the other class have almost all said they'll go to the other party - what about those in your DD's class? I do get it btw, I was so worried about this happening to us as birthday was early on in the year. When we met the teacher in the classroom I was desperate to see if there were any birthdays close to my child's on the birthday chart!

Original poster
Aconfused1 · 25/09/2023 22:29

@Brunonono when I realised she’s getting so many RSVP’s I just put a message out on my class saying I’m going to change it.

I don’t want to spiral over this. I’m not very well how can I just get over it and be more mature in my head about it? Outwardly I am acting mature by recognising she’s gone to more trouble and possibly harder for her to change as the venue gets booked up for weddings and Xmas parties whilst I know my party I could literally get slots every 1/2 hour at my one! I don’t want to spiral but I can feel I am.

OP posts:
Brunonono · 25/09/2023 22:36

I think if you've found a new date that works, get it booked and focus on what special cake she would like for her actual day. It is so disappointing to change plans but I'm sure it will just spread the birthday fun over a longer window and the main positive is next year, you'll know which birthdays are close together and can either coordinate or just do a smaller group party 🙂

Stomacharmeleon · 25/09/2023 22:37

@Aconfused1 spending more money does not equal more effort for her child.
Please get out of this her party is better than mine. Your daughter will be pleased with whatever party she has as it's HER party.
It's not a competition and there is no need for you to spiral. You are overthinking this. With all the things you have going on this should be bottom of your priority list. Change the party to the Sunday and enjoy :)

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