Birthday party stress!

[Aconfused1]

I sent a message on class WhatsApp group regarding my DD’s birthday party (reception class) about 2 weeks ago, today I got in her book bag another child’s invitation for same day and time! The mother invited both reception classes whilst mine was only my DD’s class. I feel a little annoyed and upset. The mother was on the general WhatsApp for the year group and didn’t know about the class WhatsApp for some reason (even though the link was put on general class for everyone to join specific class one too).

I spoke to her and she explained this. She’s not a bad person she’s okay in the limited conversations I’ve had. I’ve agreed to move my party date. I feel a bit upset. I am going through quite a bit in my personal life (pending divorce, depression, illness of my elderly parent plus other things) so I may be overthinking, I feel upset my DD will have to celebrate her birthday nearly a month earlier (everyone has saved the date on almost every weekend leading up to Xmas!).

please any tips on what I can do on her actual birthday as we won’t be going to the other child’s birthday (not out of spite but for obvious reason it’s her birthday and I don’t want her to feel upset she’s spending at another child’s party. She will know as she’s very away that date is her actual birthday and has been counting down on calendar). It doesn’t feel like a proper birthday with celebration a month before!

please be kind as this was one thing we both have been looking forward to considering all the crap we have been going through. I did have to reschedule as the other mum seems to have made a lot of effort inviting both classes plus everyone was RSVPing from other class. How would you feel? I need to let this go and try to plan a special day for my DD don’t I…..

You're fine. My son was in reception when he went to two parties at the same venue, one after the other. Literally 10-12 and then 12-2.
They'll love it!

OP I don’t understand why you changed your party when yours was planned first, the other child would have still had the other class coming (who you didn’t invite) and you would’ve had majority of your invitees as these things are usually accepted in order of receipt.
Think you’ve over thought this but sounds like it’s done now. Take your daughter to do a fun activity she likes, like bowling, cinema etc, eat out somewhere she likes, and cake at home, she’ll love her day.

Changing the date sounds fine, but two parties on one day is also fine. One of my best friend's daughters was born 2 days after mine, and last year the Saturday was the day between their birthdays. My daughter wanted her daughter at her party, so they did theirs 12 - 2 and we did ours from 3:45 - 5:45 at a different venue. My daughter loved a two party day!

Aw don't beat yourself up OP, these things are really stressful! You're allowed to feel privately annoyed about it.

I think any of your plans sound fine - it would be fine to have your DD's party on an earlier weekend, or on the same day at a different time (we've done two parties in one day before, especially in the early years when there are loads of parties). I also think it's fine to attend the other party if your DD wants to, or to skip it and do something else nice.

I think the important thing is that you don't show it's a big deal to your DD or to the other parents. At their age you can spin it as a good thing either way :)

Honestly OP it’s really really common for kids to have parties not on their actual birthday. A month either side is not at all unusual, especially if it’s at a busy time of year or in holidays. The Sunday option two weeks before would be totally fine or the one a month away too. Do something lovely with her and you on her actual birthday, and have the chaos of friends party on another day.

I know I sound crazy! But I can’t sleep. I’m really upset about the whole thing.

Jeepers - how far ahead of her party did you send the invitations, if you have time to plan a party a month ahead of her birthday?

And surely everyone doesn't have something on taking up every hour of every weekend in the lead up to Christmas? Surely you only need couple of hours?

@NoGNoDNoClue that’s exactly what I thought! That I had lots of time to send out paper invites so just posted on WhatsApp group of the day and time. Then this person beat me to it. I know it’s not a big deal in reality but I feel I’m letting my child down. I had the paper invites I should have just handed to class teacher but felt it’s way too early yet.?

What the hell is wrong with me why can’t I just calm down and think ahead. I’ve always suspected I have some type of disorder as I don’t have any resilience. I’m a mess over a party! Please can I have tips on how to pick myself up. Please be kind I’m not feeling very strong right now. I know it’s all the shit going on in my life but if I’m honest even without all that I still would be kind of the same. I find it hard to regulate my emotions.

Do a calming activity - read a few pages, listen to a guided meditation or something and go to sleep, you don't need to be stressing about whether you have xyz/are resilient enough or not

Get up and go get a glass of water change the room and it may help your brain to change gears xx

@Keroppi thank you. I feel sorry for my DD having a mum like me.

This is why you need physical invites for the children to take home and/or a separate message to the parent. A group chat of any kind and it will get lost as the thread moves on.
Has anyone confirmed they are coming to your party? If so, just carry on and do the party you have planned.

This. And kids love parties so I'm sure your dc would rather go to another one than be at home for her birthday.

Just on the point of celebrating early- my eldest daughter is august born, any bday celebrations with her friends are held at least 3 weeks before her birthday- I don’t think she cares as basically it feels like she’s celebrating for a month. Her actual bday we always do something, go somewhere, an activity- and more presents and another cake- what’s not to like?!

Id also be upset about this but the important thing is to keep it in perspective and not share the anxiety with your daughter.

You've decided to move the date of your party now so go ahead with making those plans and confirm attendees. Then id rethink declining the other party invitation. It sounds like it would be fun.
I'd do a special celebration at home in the morning with presents/balloons etc then go to the other party then more celebrations at home / out for dinner. That way your DD gets to join in and have a fun day out on her birthday as well as her own party another day.

I am a little confused- didn't your invite go out first? If so, you would have had some RSVP's? Why did you cancel?

I would have honoured the first RSVP. But if there were two parties on the same day but at different times, I would take my child to both. Kids love parties.

I would be annoyed if I had to change my party, especially if it was actually on my child's birthday. Did you make that clear to the other mum? She should have offered to change her date.

Book the party and have fun. It really doesn't matter if you think her venue is better, who cares? Don't put pressure on yourself.

Some parents can actually be very spiteful - I have seen this in action.

Good luck OP!

Does her party need to be a month before? You could book one after school maybe we've been to several like that :)