So we have argued countless times over this issue and I'm starting to doubt if I really am fighting a losing battle and to just give in. Apologies for long post, starting writing and realised there's a lot of context.
My (23F) and my husband (30M) have been married 2 years, and have a 4mo boy. Im exclusively breastfeeding and pretty much solely look after him apart from the odd occasion (2 nights away and 4 evenings out since he was born) when either my husband takes responsibility or my in laws have minded him. I do all the night feeds, all the resettling, the changing, the playgroups, the planning, the playing etc. all that comes with a newborn. Thankfully my breastfeeding journey has been pretty straightforward and I actually really enjoy it now he's not cluster feeding so much! I complained a couple of times that I felt lonely at the start because I was cluster feeding him, getting used to breastfeeding in general and didn't want my b**bs out in front of everyone that came to see our boy at first (I'm over this now but FTM). My husband kept on saying 'well you wanted to breastfeed' and would say this when I mentioned about being tired because I'd been up on the night feeding several times (still am). This isn't even what we've been arguing about.
So my husband has a full time office job. He works in the office Mon-tues 8-4 and from home 9-5 wed-fri. He is out two nights a week at band practice and then thrice extra a month for another practice that I'm also in and get two nights a month out (we're alternating). When my husband works from home, he is often found taking a nap during the day, be it in the sofa or actually in bed, he is also constantly watching Netflix or YouTube whilst working. When he works from home, I'm still watching our son, playing, feeding, changing, trying to get him to nap, and my husband will waltz in and out at various points throughout the day but does not take charge of anything.
I had covid a couple of weeks back and was really unwell with it but because we have a son, I was still up everyday playing and feeding and changing, be it with as little movement from the bed or sofa as I could get. The house kind of went to pot and became rather messy and a bit dirty at points. I tried my best to keep up with the housework but by the time I put my son down for bed I was exhausted and went to sleep myself. My husband has been complaining that I don't do anything around the house and that 'I don't bring anything to the table'. He is saying he is working so we can have a nice house, nice car, go on holidays etc so why can't I look after the house. This all stems from me refusing to do the ironing. I HATE ironing and would rather clean the toilet multiple times an hour than stand and iron. My husbands one regular job is to take the bins out, but I regularly have to remind him, do it myself and I've never seen him empty the upstairs or food bins. I am responsible for the laundry which is fine except the ironing which I do not do. My husband is saying that I shouldn't be going to all these baby groups and out for lunch if he comes home from work and the house is in a state. I asked him to pick up his socks and put them in the washing bin and he says why can't I do it when I know they're there. I say I shouldn't have to and he is a grown man who should be able to pick up after himself. I also think I shouldn't have to be in charge of the whole house, I asked him to clean the bathroom last weekend and he's still not done it so I guess it'll fall on me. We're both getting sick of arguing about keeping the house clean but im daily picking up after him and cleaning behind him because he doesn't pick up after himself or clean small messes when he makes them. He says it's my job as I'm not at work atm (Mat leave) and all I do is sit around all day with our son or go out and do fun things. I'm tired of arguing about it and just feel like I'm not respected as a mum or a wife.
AIBU to expect him to help keep the house clean and tidy even though he's at work and I'm on Mat leave, or should I just suck it up because that's what should be happening?